A Pivotal Post-Election Decision: 'Me the People' or 'We the People'

Democracy is on the ballot!? This mantra is a non-stop dose of fear served white-hot by presidential candidates and their advocates on both sides in this frenzied time called election season. The contention is that if the other candidate is elected president, our democracy will go down the tubes. It is my firm belief that it is not who is elected President that should be our biggest fear.? Rather, the real risk is in our hands as citizens – it is how we respond to the election outcome.? It is not the politicians; it is We the People acting like the very politicians we fear and even abhor, that puts democracy at risk.? President Franklin Roosevelt’s words were never truer: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Our attitudes and behavior as citizens really matter.? Let me share an example:? This past week my dentist did something he has never done.? As he wrapped up my checkup, he shared that the school board where his son attends high school is racking their brain on how to deal with the day our national election results become known.? Why?? Because the kids are very vocal, at times excluding and even agitating toward others based on their politics.

It reminded me of what a teacher shared with me a couple of weeks ago.? She overheard two eight-year-old friends at lunch:?

First kid:? There are three kids in our class who are for Trump.

Second kid:? Really? Who?

First kid: Names the kids

Second kid:? Why?

First kid: One said it was because people have been trying to shoot him.

Second kid:? Really?

First kid:? Well, he deserved it (with a gleeful smile).

Second kid:? Yeah.

Is that the conversation of two eight-year-olds or is it really the conversation of the adults in their lives?

If only this were an isolated example.? CNN just? reported on the results of 80 interviews with elementary schoolers in Arizona, Texas and New Jersey.? The study’s authors concluded, “It is jarring to hear American kids talk about politics and see the country’s often angry political debate filtered through young people.”?

They found Democrat-supporting kids drove more polarization and were more likely to say they wouldn’t be friends with someone who supports Trump.? Kids in red states were more likely to repeat misinformation.? Ironically one of the biggest criticisms of former President Trump is his polarizing speech and behavior.? ?And yet, too often the response of his detractors is Trump-like polarizing speech and behavior.? Interestingly, a number of Trump-leaning kids acknowledged his short-comings but often with justification.? The authors concluded that because Harris is so new people do not have a lot of extreme views of her.? ?

We may legitimately fear the direction, policies, competence, or ethics of one or both presidential candidates.? Our fear may be rightfully exacerbated by the possibility of one party controlling the executive branch plus both houses of Congress.??? Yet ironically, seldom has a country faced a more known choice.? Former President Trump served four years as President.? Vice President Harris is finishing four years as number two in the current administration.? We may have disliked either or both administrations and fear they would only be worse in a next term, but the country has demonstrated the ability to survive them.?

My greatest fear is that in aping the words and actions of our most polarizing politicians, We the People become the worst version of ourselves by becoming what we abhor in them.? Rather than support the institutions that sustain us, we risk tearing them apart.?

The biggest problem of our times is not that we have differences. Unlike authoritarian regimes focused on suppressing differences, democracies are specifically designed to deal with and take advantage of differences, find the best answer possible we can agree on and remain united even in our disagreements.? Voting and electing leaders, creating and passing legislation, interpreting and applying the Constitution via the courts including the Supreme Court, are all designed not to suppress differences but to engage them in the search for compromise, majorities, protection of minorities and justice.? ?

Our biggest problem is that too many of us have become more self-righteous, less tolerant and more adamant about getting our way. We don’t necessarily disagree more, it’s just that too often we disdain more.? We have come to view those with whom we disagree not as unique individuals with different viewpoints, but as monolithic mass enemies.? In absorbing and then reproducing the mindset of an “enemy,” our leaders repeat a chant over and again: we will fight for you.? Rather than promoting spirited competition, we have increasingly devolved into warfare as our operating system for politics.??

I have cited before in this space the work of Dr. John Gottman who famously predicted with better than 90% accuracy, based on a 15 minute observation, whether a couple would be together 15 years later.? The emotion he considers most defining in killing relationships is contempt – trying to speak from a higher level while attempting with disdain to push another down to a lower plane.?? In recent times technology and social media has enabled us to distribute our contempt at scale – immediately, broadly, anonymously and cheaply.? Contempt is a killer of marriage relationships, and at scale, is a killer of the relationships that are the glue of a civil society.?

In both absorbing and distributing contempt, our expectations of our political leaders and our fellow citizens have changed.? We engage our politics as if it were a consumer product:? we want it our way and we want it now.? In the words of Carl Sagan, we have lost the ability to distinguish between what feels good and what is true.? We have turned the famous John Kennedy quote inside out: it is now “ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your country (leaders, party, government) can do for you.”? We have replaced We the People with Me the People.

In our founding, we rejected a king for a representative form of government and a constitution that invites many voices and views, freely expressed.? None of us get exactly what we want, at times we strongly disagree but are to work through it.? Yes, there is conflict – but our goal is to get a decision from We the People – not Me the People.? None of us are God, so getting the majority to rule and the minority protected is the higher power we put at the top of our hierarchy.

The greatest virtue of our form of democracy is not that we always get it right or avoid the ditch.? Over the years we have navigated contentious and difficult issues: slavery, the Civil War, the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor, the Vietnam War, 9-11 and the Covid lockdown.??? Our greatest virtue is a shared belief in citizen voices to deliver the corrective – the change – not a king or tyrant.? Concentrated power corrupts, citizen power corrects – but not overnight and not perfectly.?? Sometimes it is only in getting worse that things can get better.

For example, the repeal of Roe vs. Wade, was strongly cheered by anti-abortion advocates who according to polls, represented a minority of citizens, but was panned by sizeable majorities – even in red states like Kansas – when on the ballot.? In the 2022 congressional elections, what appeared to be a strong red wave was mostly stopped by citizens who opposed highly restrictive abortion laws.? The majority corrected the minority.?

Similarly, President Biden withdrew President’s Trump’s executive orders on the border.? As millions of immigrants poured across the border, candidate Vice President Harris has lagged in polls on the issue of the immigrant crisis. When leaders fail to serve its citizens and govern in opposition to the will of the people or for their own interests – Me the People gets corrected.?

Regardless of the outcome, nothing will be more pivotal in the coming election than how each of us responds to the outcome in our families, neighborhoods, houses of worship, our communities and at work. Let me suggest four keys for citizens in choosing We the People over Me the People.

1.???? Honor the process.? If this election is contested, each side will deal with the challenges to certify its results.? We have rules and processes for how election results are determined.? Recounts, appeals and claims of malfeasance have long been a part of our history. While former President Trump has taken election denial to another level, Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, Richard Nixon and Georgia gubernatorial candidate Tracy Abrams also come to mind.? Nothing is perfect and just as in sports, sometimes there are mistakes and bad calls – life is not always fair and neither are elections.? Either side could be the beneficiary or victim of spurious outcomes.? However, if we do not honor our processes, rules and the outcomes they produce, ultimately there will be no elections to contest.??

2.???? Wait till next year.? We all hate that statement, but losing, even unfairly, is feedback that we still have work to do.? Wait till next year is a commitment to start now, working on the next election.? As Sam Walton famously stated, most overnight successes are 20 years in the making.? As coaches have been known to say, “we did not lose, we just ran out of time.”? Elections are a short season of promise and hyperbole followed by governance which is a long season of arduous give-and-take. In many respects we have allowed the former to trump the latter. ?The expectation to have our way and have it now, is not an attribute of democracy, but of authoritarianism.?

3.???? Come to the table.? Regardless of who wins, the table is a time-honored place of complaint, solution-building, give-and-take and decisions.? The table symbolizes something bigger and more strategic than winning a battle.? Elections are a battle but they are not the war.? Winning the war is still way short of winning the peace – like The Marshall Plan after World War II.? Sure, the table can be contentious – like the years of wrangling near the end of the Vietnam War over the shape of the negotiating table.? King Arthur’s storied Round Table promoted greater unity and collaboration among the knights. ?Whether negotiations between nations at war, around disagreements at work, among school board members or involving family differences, the table is a place where the very act of gathering, maybe even breaking bread, provides a space where “me” has the potential to become “we.”

4.???? Let it go.? These famous words sang from the animated feature film “Frozen” is mind-numbingly simple, rock-climbing hard and life-altering important.? Whether your grievances, social media fights or people at work who ignite your emotions, in this political pandemic – let it go.? Whether our side wins or loses, or we have no side, this election is a test for each of us.? Each of us influences others – our kids, our colleagues, our neighbors.?? Can we win without gloating, lose without vengeance and avoid contempt toward the other side?? Can we continue to form a more perfect union??

The most important decision for this election might be bigger than who you vote for, it might be the choice you make in how you respond to the outcome.? Do you act in support of We the People or Me the People? The best time to decide is before the election.

Robert's latest book, "This Land of Strangers: The Relationship Crisis That Imperils Home, Work, Politics and Faith," is now in paperback. A "recovering CEO," he has authored 200 published articles and his work has appeared in The New York Times, Forbes, The Huffington Post, The CEO Magazine. His website: www.robertehall.com