Pivotal Kairos Moments Make the Difference

Renee’s husband lay in the Emergency Room with life-threatening blood clots. She needed to be with him, and she needed to find a place for her two little children, just until the crisis cleared. Renee called her friend down the street to ask if she could babysit for a while. The friend said “no,” using some inane reason, and that served as the beginning of the end of their friendship. Her husband recovered, but the friendship did not - because her friend had missed her "kairos moment" - a propitious occasion for action.

The Greek word kairos means a fitting season, opportunity, time, occasion. It comes from the Greek word kara, referring to things "coming to a head" to take full advantage of a moment in time.  This term first became known through the Bible, which uses the word kairos and its derivatives several places in the New Testament (e.g., in Luke 19:44 and Acts 24:25). When the people of Israel were confronted with Jesus’ life-changing message, they had an opportunity (a kairos) and a responsibility to respond appropriately. Similarly, when Jesus called James and John to follow Him, they had a window of opportunity—would they leave all and follow Christ, or would they stay with their fish nets? 

In its non-biblical use, kairos most often referred to a decisive moment – positive or negative.  Kairos moments then—and now— are pivotal moments in time when we or others need us—usually during a crisis, or when a vital situation calls us to duty.  They point to those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities in which a calling intersects with our ability to meet that call.   

Just as with Renee's critical need to find a friend who would babysit so that she could attend to her husband's crisis, kairos moments are never neutral. It may be a positive experience or a negative one. The question is what we will do with it. The kairos event is like a portal into one's purpose.  It's the verb to the often used adjective - intentional. Will we seize the moment and do what's best? Will we deny our selfish interests in sacrifice to another's urgency? Or will we succumb to the status quo and stay in the same rut?

In 1985, a group of black South African clergy wrote a response to recent crackdowns by the Apartheid government. It was called The Kairos Document, and it began: “The time has come. The moment of truth has arrived.” This document was imbued with a strong sense that the time was ripe for change: the fate of South Africa balanced on a knife’s edge, and small actions might have the power to change the path of history. They did.

Our kairos need not be as dramatic as that situation. It can be a small moment in one person’s life that is ripe, and full, and pregnant with possibility. These defining moments, kairos moments, will come to each of us.  And they can happen anytime. The question is, how we will respond to them?  A friend calls you out of the blue with news of a sudden illness. A child has gone missing, as happened in my neighborhood several years ago, and like good neighbors we needed to drop everything to find the missing boy (good news - we found him at a friend's house). Life is always surprising us with kairos opportunities.

These kairos moments could be as traumatic as a sudden illness in the family or as  pleasantly momentous as a wedding announcement and invitation.  They may seem small to us, but not to "them."  Maybe your child is facing an important game, and you need to be there.  Your kairos may force you to take a moral stand in your workplace or community, when the tide of opposition might possibly cost you your job.  These kairos moments are turned points, demanding either a "yes" or a "no," and there's no turning back.

If someone asks for your help during one of those kairos moments, or invites you to participate in them, you had best say “yes”—or else your moment of proof with them will turn into potentially lifelong disappointment.  When as a foster parent I received a 10 p.m. call to take into my home a 12 year old boy who'd been abused that evening by his stepdad, I wanted desperately to say "no," feeling tired from a long day at work. Instead, I said "yes."

Today this boy, now a grown man, practices medicine. His name is Dr. Jonathan Woolery. My "yes" that night began the journey of adopting a broken boy caught in a downward spiral, such that years later I could witness his transition into one of the finest doctors I know - he saves lives, and I am beaming with pride and emotion in remembering that crucial decision that launched another course. I think of all the times Jonathan heard "no," and all it took was a simple "yes."

Your kairos moment need not be as life changing as adopting a child. Your kairos could be a fleeting response, as simple as babysitting for someone, but it is always answered with a "yes."  The principle of answering your kairos with a yes can apply to any circumstance...to a boss who calls in urgent need for you to take on a responsibility, perhaps because someone has just resigned. In that kairos moment you must not only respond with a “yes,” but you must be willing to step up to the plate and do your very best to show yourself trustworthy and capable, even if it's uncomfortable.  There's no second chance. 

When a kairos moment arises, people always remember who supports them.  Societies remember heroes like Abraham Lincoln who decided to combat social wrongs despite terrible costs. After losing in politics, Lincoln decided to retire and returned to his law practice, but then during a kairos moment a friend urged him to run again - to right some wrongs.  Those who make a concerted effort to help others during a time of great need, or who show up for an important occasion or cause are always fondly remembered. The feelings of gratitude on the part of the other person or persons are lifelong - because they're life changing.

Remember how you felt when a kairos moment happened with you, and you asked someone to be there for you, and they said “no?" How did that make you feel? How long have you remembered that “offense?” Perhaps you felt slighted or snubbed.  Maybe it was a turning point in the relationship.

Now turn that situation on yourself.  Have you missed an opportunity to say something or to do something that would have helped another? My guess is that, if given another chance, you wouldn't have wasted that moment doing other things, which begs the question:

How many things do we do in our lives thinking we’ll have another chance to do it better or get it right next time? I could think of a hundred examples in quick succession: being present with others who just needed a listening ear, relationships, work, raising children—times I take for granted that there will be second chances or additional opportunities.

Now consider this...what if you knew you only had one chance? Things might be different, right? We’d pay more attention. We’d feel a deep obligation to act in the moment. We might say those things we’ve always wanted to say. We might change a routine to respond with an act of goodness—after all, if you only had one chance, you might as well go all the way and do it right the first time....

One more thing.  Renee, the person I mentioned at the beginning of this article, is my wife, and I was the one who needed her at the hospital in my time of need.  The good news is that she found a way to be there for me, and her presence helped save my life.

At another time, when a crisis at work prompted Renee's boss to frantically call her for help with a special project, she thought about that time she was in need. Because she said “yes,” and then she did her best to go above and beyond the proverbial call of duty, she was rewarded with both a promotion and career-long favor with the boss.

Kairos moments matter most in the scheme of life because they have the greatest impact, and they dispel all regrets. Be present for them. 

- Randy Kay is a CEO of TenorCorp/PACEsetters, a strategic and talent development firm. Prior to this he has overseen training and development for top performing companies, been a biotech CEO, Board Member for over 20 organizations, executive for Fortune 100 companies, and has published four books and several articles in business magazines such as Switch & Shift and Forbes as well as conducted interviews through numerous networks. He is also an ordained minister and trained corporate counselor. Do you want to grow and develop your career and life? Contact Randy Kay directly (@ [email protected]) or discover more at www.pacesetters.training

"We can do no great things – only small things with great love." — Mother Teresa

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James