The Pips!

??Trigger Warning ???

This post, amongst other things talks about pregnancy loss.?

The Pips, they’re on my mind this year, those little pips, and as I do most years, I’d like to honour their memory…

This year though, I want to start by saying, I’m ok and I’m so grateful for that.?

This year I feel compelled to acknowledge those of you who are:

?? Not feeling ok

?? Not looking forward to Christmas

?? Not looking forward to the start of a “New Year, New You”

It’s all well and good saying that it’s ok to not be ok, or to be kind, but do we do this offline too?

This year I heard of troubles running so deeply for some of you.?

As someone who works within the personal development space, I’m sometimes horrified at the amount of judgement shown to people who just need an ear or to be listened to as they wade through their stuff.

You see on this day 8th December, back in 2010 after the very painful loss of my twins, a boy and a girl aka “The Pips”, I began a journey that dredged through the tsunami of emotions.?

At times I was often left overwhelmed in grief and speechless, and for those of you who know me well will know that I’m not often lost for words.

You see, whether it’s grief, physical, emotional, pain, or something that you simply don’t understand you’ll likely ride the winds of change.?

When you're going through change whether it's work related, personal or something else, the book of change management often sites these main emotions, which includes experiencing:?

Relief | Joy | Anger | Denial | Bitterness | Disbelief | Withdrawal (there are more).

The everyday stuff.?

Everyday items, phrases and happenings can have you in a flood of emotions.

For me it was those little car seats, many other families left the maternity unit with their little bundles in those tiny car seats and my mind seemed to enjoy reminding me of this in so many moments. It felt cruel.

WHAT HELPS: Instead of trying to change or fix, become an interested observer of your day and begin to notice what hinders or helps and changes how you feel and make a note of what you’re noticing.

Feeling dazed and confused?

I’ve listened as people have spoken about feeling dazed and confused and literally not knowing what to do from moment to moment. I know that for those of you wading through this one, you’re trying to work, look after families, run a business, switch off and most of all cope. I also know that the person that you accidentally bumped into, snapped at or even ignored might not understand what you’re going through.?

WHAT HELPS: For the daze and confusion, there were times where I literally had to write down what to do minute by minute e.g. boil the kettle, eat breakfast, have a shower have been were on mine, because without it I’d just find myself staring blankly at nothing.?

Have a trusted outlet a person, forum or organisation to talk to, it feels counterintuitive but the act of having someone you can talk to who’ll actually just listen is truly priceless.

Checking in on others.?

If you know that there’s something going on for someone around you, whether it’s a work context or something else, be sure to ask them if they’re ok and ask them if they’re really ok??

Even it it means sitting with them in silence, (physically or over the phone).

WHAT HELPED: I’ve been on the receiving end of being asked if I was really ok, and listened to.?

I once had a client say “you seemed to walk with me through the valley of the shadow of death, whereas others have left me to walk across by myself to the other side”.?

The gift of being able to walk with people through their stuff was definitely given to me by my experience of losing the pips. I call this “a gift in ugly wrapping" (in this context ‘ugly’ refers to the circumstances).

Through it all, in whatever you’re going through right now or have been through this year, the Pips and I want you to know, that no matter how tough it feels right now, in time you will be ok.?

Take YOUR time and look after YOU.

===========================

If you or someone close to you is experiencing any of the issues mentioned, here are some UK based Organisations that help:

SANDS https://www.sands.org.uk

Papyrus https://www.papyrus-uk.org?

BMM https://www.blackmindsmatteruk.com

MIND https://www.mind.org.uk

Macmillan https://www.macmillan.org.uk/

Happy Pip Day ????