A pink cloud and lots of diapers

My son was born on December 6th. 5 weeks and more than 250 diapers later I want to reflect on some of the things I experienced in these early stages of fatherhood. 5 valuable weeks in this adventure of a lifetime.

We had a rough start. The delivery was long, very long. When contractions started I turned on the stopwatch on my phone and when I turned it off it was 54 hours later. 54 hours with no sleep and not a lot of food. Although all deliveries are different and some will be considerably shorter, I can only repeat the advise all nurses and midwifes gave me: birth partners, make sure to eat and drink enough!! It's impossible to know how long it will take before the baby is born. And then... when our baby was finally there, his APGAR score was shockingly insufficient. After only a few seconds on mother's belly he was taken away to see what was wrong. A feeling I had never experienced before. I felt so deeply sad and scared about whether he was going to be all right.

Fortunately we were surrounded by great doctors and nurses who clearly knew what they were doing. Time passed with incredible speed when they took him to neonatology, while all I did was talk to him in an effort to make him feel safe. After a couple of tests he was linked to a set of monitors and out of danger. So grateful to everyone who cared for him in the Diakonessenhuis . On the fourth day of his life he was released from the hospital as a healthy baby. The three of us could finally return home.

In the Netherlands all parents receive a minimum of 24 hours of "kraamhulp" (maternity assistance). The maternity assistant helps new parents to the basics of parenting. They provide tips and tricks on diaper changing, how to bathe your baby, what to do when your baby is crying, how to start with breastfeeding (or feeding with a bottle) and they perform basic household tasks to give parents some relaxation from the enormous amount of new things coming their way. With our maternity assistant and our son at home we felt as living on a pink cloud: so much love for this little man. And yes, of course we experienced sleepless night, of course we kept checking his breathing while he was asleep, of course we had his excrements and vomit everywhere, of course we were worried whether we dressed him warm enough when going outside or whether the hot-water bottle in his crib wouldn't leak, of course. But all of this comes with such intense feelings of love and joy.

His tantalizing natural odor, the intensity of the sound when he yawns, the little grin on his face just after his milk, the way his eyes become more open everyday, the way his arms and legs move and the little cooing sounds he now makes. I guess this list can go on forever. My point is that I would never have witnessed all these beautiful things (and more) if I wasn't home.

It was absolutely wonderful to experience his development from up close these past 5 weeks. The next months I will continue to be with him a lot while working just 3 days a week. I'm very fortunate to work for a company ( The Janssen Pharmaceutical Companies of Johnson & Johnson ) that provides me with generous parental leave and a good amount of vacation days. This gives me the opportunity to completely focus on my son and support my partner without having to worry about work. A luxury all parents should have.