Pigeonholes

There are a variety of celebrations that take place in March relating to women -- International Women’s Day, Mother’s Day, Women’s history month…

So, I have been thinking about the role of women and the role of mothers. The different types of mothers and the different ways of mothering. The controlling and authoritarian, the gentle and relaxed, the anxious and insecure and countless shades in between.

I think about my mother who is direct but gentle – she can still change a situation just by a look. I then consider the stories my son tells me of strict mothers of friends who don’t allow them to have a drink or dessert until they had cleared their plates and others who know that sometimes you are hungry for one thing and not for another – always space for favourite desserts ??.

Parents and in this case, mothers understand that there is emotional labour involved in figuring out and adapting different parenting styles for different children. You can’t have favourites. Words and actions that work for one will not work for another – a degree of customisation is required. Whilst mothering styles and personalities may differ the nature of the role remains constant.

The job of a mother is to nurture, the skill is in the realisation and the practice of enabling each child’s individuality. It is also to help each child realise their own type of brilliance.

Like mothers, leaders are not packaged identically – there are different types of leaders. And, in dealing with those they lead, leaders must realise that different approaches may be required for different individuals.

Whilst their styles may differ the fundamental nature of the leadership role is constant. It is to get the best out of those they lead.

Last week, I had the privilege of joining a round table conversation with 10 brilliant and exceptional Senior women all of whom are accomplished leaders (some of whom were C- suite) in very different industries. This group of women was anything but homogeneous. They all had very different approaches to leadership.

Historically, leadership was characterised by a certain type of leader. Apart from physical characteristics, the style was mostly dominant, extrovert, charismatic, larger than life.?Anyone aspiring to be a leader naturally judged themselves by an impossible standard and inevitably some felt that they could not match that standard physically or stylistically.

Thankfully, just like different mothering styles, we are starting to see more and more different styles of leadership. It’s incumbent on all of us to challenge stereotypes and give all different types of leaders ‘permission’ to be who they really are.?Failing to unlearn stereotypes has consequences – we end up with the same type of leaders and we are all robbed of the infinite possibilities of different types of leader and different styles of leadership

So for me there are two lessons

- Just like the role of a mother (or more generically parent) is to enable and provide an environment that nurtures and facilitates the goals of each child, so too with leaders and those they lead.

-There are so many different types of leader that we haven’t experienced yet. We owe it to ourselves to explore these differences.

And … just to get back to where we started, the celebrations during March ought to remind us that we can tap into a whole variety of leadership types and styles and increasing the number of women in leadership would not go amiss!