Pieces Of Me: Sliding?Doors

One of my favourite movies is Gwyneth Paltrow’s Sliding Doors. For those not familiar, the movie plays out two alternative storylines of Paltrow’s character. The two paths unfold in parallel and are based on whether or not she catches a train. I have an ongoing joke with my brother, that we imagine what our Sliding Doors Self would do. This is purely for entertainment value and imagining the most ridiculous, unbelievable case scenario. Something I often think about is what moments in my life led me to where I am today, the person that I’ve become. If I had done something differently, would I still be this version of myself. I started thinking of different events from my childhood and teenage years that in reflection were teaching me a lesson or building my character. Here’s some of those stories.

FEARLESS

Some of the earliest memories I have are afternoons spent at the beach with the family. We would jump and slide down the sandy dunes, splash in the cool blue water, build sandcastles which would often end with a wet sand fight. One particular afternoon is memorable and is often bought up at family reunions. We had our cousins visiting us from out west and one afternoon Dad and our uncle took all 6 down to the beach. It was getting late in the afternoon and closer to dusk, the sun getting low and the parents were dragging the net to catch bait fish. I was done and ready to go, but was told I had to wait until everyone was ready to leave. Not happy with that, I decided I’d walk home myself. So off I went. Mind you, I couldn’t have been older than 5 and it was a 1 kilometre (0.6 miles) walk. I remember arriving home and Mum asking where everyone else was, to which I answered so matter of fact, “Still at the beach, I walked home myself.” I was so proud. Mum had an absolute fit, she did not share my enthusiasm of just conquering the long trek home. She yelled and screamed, how I can never do that again, it’s dangerous for a little boy to be walking home alone. My takeaway from this experience is that I was a fearless kid, (and stubborn) and if I wanted to do something, I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

UNIQUE

One of the most exciting times of the year was when the annual Show (carnival/fair) rolled into town. The thought of spending the day going on all the rides, eating dagwood dogs (corn dogs), fairy floss (cotton candy), playing games (aka giving money away) in sideshow alley and watching the fireworks was something I looked forward to every year. There were always pavilions at the Show with different exhibits including arts and crafts, baked goods and agriculture. Each year at school we had the opportunity to submit something to Show. I remember one year the theme was egg cartons and the teacher gave us two options of what we could make. I decided to make the blue bird, mainly because 95% of the class were making the other animal. I was so proud of my egg cartoon blue bird, I’d got some sticks and propped him up in a little nest. I would go on to win second place for my age group that year. It just shows, you don’t have to follow the crowd. Be you and be unique.

DETERMINED

In Grade 4 I had to wear a plate in my mouth to straighten my teeth. I remember the process of getting it fitted was torture and I hated wearing it; it felt weird and it initially made me talk different. It was a day or two later and I had to present a project in front of the class. I don’t remember what the assignment was, I just remember being very conscious of my plate. When my classmates heard that my voice/speech was distorted they started giggling and laughing. This is the first time I ever felt vulnerable and I started crying. I don’t remember if I finished my presentation or not, I just know that whenever I had to give a speech to a group those feelings would come rushing back. I would be a nervous wreck and frightened that people were going to laugh at me again.

Fast forward to Grade 5 we had to do an assignment on our favourite Olympic athlete. I picked Australian swimmer Hayley Lewis. She wasn’t a household name at the time, I think she’d only just participated in her first Olympic Games. I’d researched her, created a poster with pictures and facts, I’d run through my speech countless time. But I was still petrified of getting up to present. I’d memorized most of the speech and everything was going well, but then I stumbled, my mind went blank and I lost my place. I had palm cards, but I was still lost. And that’s when my World came crashing down on me, again. I remember one girl (and I still recall her name) started laughing and that set me off, I started crying. I ended up finding my place and with tears in my eyes I just powered through. This continued for the next four years. Every class presentation there were water works. But I would always push through and finish the speech. I’m not sure why none of my teachers ever pulled me aside to understand what my issue was or to help me overcome my fear of public speaking. Whilst I outgrew the tears, I’m still not a confident speaker. One thing that I’m proud of is that despite being consumed with fear, I would always get up and get the job done. Life is full of uncomfortable situations and events and we have to pull our socks up and solider through it as best as we can.

NO SHORTCUT TO SUCCESS

My maternal Grandparents lived one block away from us growing up. I have so many fond memories of being at their place during my childhood, teenage and young adult years. As Gran and Grandad got older, my three brothers and I would help with the yard work. Often, we weren’t allowed to swim in their pool until we had done a few hours in the garden. One of the jobs I despised the most was weeding the garden beds. One especially hot weekend I remember wanting to get the weeding done quickly so I could cannonball into the pool and relax. So, my twin and I decided it would be quicker to just stomp on the weeds, crushing them and then cover them with soil. We thought we were so clever. But little did we know our Grandad created the book when it came to “critter moves”. He knew exactly what we’d done and he made us sit there and pick every single weed out of the garden. Moral of the story, don’t take shortcuts, because they will only cost you more time in the long run. Do the job right the first time.

KNOWING WHEN TO MOVE ON

My twin and I had the same friend group through most of our schooling. In that friend group were some kids that weren’t exactly model students. But they were always fun to hang around. It was the end of Grade 9 and time for Parent / Teacher interviews. The way it worked was parents could schedule meetings with our teachers and teachers could in turn request meetings with parents. Our Mum volunteered at the school in various roles and knew a lot of our teachers. Also, we generally got good Grades in all our classes, so we weren’t too worried. That was until our Graphics (think Engineering Graphics) teacher requested a meeting with our Mum. I remember trying to avoid this interview as best as I could, because we had a tendency of getting into mischief in this class. Mr Legg started by telling our Mum that we were smart kids, we always got our class and homework done, performed well in exams, then he dropped the bomb, the thing we were scared about. He said we often nuisances in class. He did reiterate that we were smart kids, but we were making poor decisions in the friends we kept. This was not news to Mum, she knew who we hung out with. She knew we were rambunctious and often getting into trouble; nothing serious. That night I remember feeling like we had disappointed her. It took some time, but my twin and I found a different friend group to hang out with. This was my first lesson in surrounding myself with people that contribute in a positive and healthy way to my life. Also, it’s ok to walk away from people that aren’t serving to make you a better person. Surround yourself with those that build you up.

SELF WORTH

I played soccer for over 15 years, from the age of 5, up until I was 21. I would never describe myself as a soccer player though, I enjoyed it for the fitness and team comradery. In 1999 I started playing in the Men’s League, since I was too old to play in the junior division. This was a giant step up. As a 17-year-old playing against men in their 30’s and 40’s, it was daunting. At the time, I was juggling full time studies at University and a part time work at the local grocery store. At one of the weekly training sessions, we were running a drill and for whatever reason, I was struggling to get it right. The Captain of the team was getting frustrated and after messing up my part of the drill he came over and started yelling and screaming at me. This is a guy that was twice my age and three times bigger than me. I remember walking away, telling my twin that I was done and if he wanted a ride home, that I was leaving. At this early age, I knew my worth and had enough self-respect to know that I didn’t deserve being spoken to in that manner. At the next training session, the Captain made a point to apologize and after that I don’t remember ever having any problems or issues with him. Being mistreated by those in a position of power is something I have had to deal with in various jobs over the years. In each instance I chose to hold firm and know my true value and worth. I won’t stand to be mistreated by anyone. That would mean having to transfer to different departments and even to quit a job. Your number one and biggest cheerleader should always be yourself.

PLAN A / HAPPY ACCIDENTS

After I completed my Bachelor degree, I packed up my life and moved from the small town I grew up in, to the “big smoke”, Brisbane. The reason I studied Business and majored in Marketing, was because it was my ticket out. I knew I would need to move to a larger metropolitan city in order to find work. I always remember something my Mum said to me as I was packing all my belongings into the car for the long 8-hour drive south. She said “Are you sure you need to be taking everything?” I was confused as to her reasoning for asking this. She followed up with, “What happens if it doesn’t work out in Brisbane?” It never occurred to me that it wouldn’t work out. I only had one plan and that was to succeed; to make it work, no matter what.

Another reason for majoring in Marketing was because I wanted to get into the music industry and I figured this degree would be my way in; into a record label, a radio station, touring company, all companies need marketing. Little did I know how difficult it would be to crack into one of these companies; everyone was looking for someone that had industry experience. There came a time when I had to widen the net and apply for jobs in other industries. Long story short, I applied, interviewed and accepted a job with an online company whose main product was domain names. Whilst I was familiar with what a domain name was, it wasn’t a passion. 19 years later, I’m still working in the domain name industry and thriving. It’s become an industry that I absolutely love. I’ve become a leader and specialist in my field, someone that is respected and trusted by colleagues, peers and clients. It allowed me to travel to North America more times than I can remember. And to live and work in the USA for the last 6 years. Whilst it’s not the path I had initially planned, I feel like I have succeeded. Something I call a “Happy Accident”. I accidentally fell into this career, it was never my intention, but it’s one of the best decisions I made.

In reflection, something I’ve noticed that whenever I’ve made life altering decisions, I only ever have a Plan A. When discussing these decisions with friends and family, they always ask, “What’s the backup plan?” I never have an answer. I think that if we have a Plan B, it gives ourselves permission to fail. I’d rather focus all my energy and focus on having Plan A succeed. 

Back to Sliding Doors (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT)… regardless of the direction Paltrow’s life took, the two paths converged and she ended in the same place in the end. This is a philosophy I’ve always subscribed to, if I’m fearless, determined, unique and respect myself, “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not yet the end”. The plans you make, the paths you take and all the happy little accidents will take you exactly where you need to be in the end.