PICK YOUR BATTLES WISELY

It's not always worth it to fight the war, or even fight certain battles because the consequences are too dire. So how come we continue to fight wars and go into battle? 

We know that we can suffer a lot of trauma, can get our heads cut off, know that there's not going back once we've gone in and it could cause post traumatic stress that we will live with forever. I'm not talking about bloody battles between countries, I'm talking about the battles we pick with those around us. Our family, friends, spouses, bosses, coworkers, strangers, those that jolt you to your center, physically and mentally and cause you to feel powerless and helpless or filled with regret or anger. 

I'm not talking about bloody battles between countries, I'm talking about the battles we pick with those around us.

Picking your battles is a good philosophy to live by because it could cause you less headaches, less wasted emotions and allow you to focus on the good, rather than the bad and ugly.

I sometimes don't follow my own advice but we all have to live and learn. For example, growing up in NYC there have been many times where people shoved me in the train on the way to work and I had the chance to pick my battles, to get outwardly angry, cause more discomfort to me and those people pushing me or just make the best of the situation and move on? Sometimes I chose the latter and sometimes I chose the former. The latter obviously helped end the discomfort where as the former continued it.

This is the same experience we may have at work. Since we can't control others and work usually involves others, you may get very angry or upset at the people you work with, not understanding why unethical things are happening around you and no one does anything about them? You may feel like just a number and not a human. Or your boss may be stealing from you; don't be surprised, I know many of us have been there. So what do you do in these situations? Is the battle worth fighting for? Can you change the whole corporate structure, which often is coming from the top layer that you don't even understand or do you cope as best as you can or move on? Mark Twain has said "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." I say this because that's what happens in a place of work. One party thinks the other is a fool and yet beyond this understanding attempts to argue with said fool. Does anything get resolved? Usually not, so why do we do this so often?

"Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

~ Mark Twain

We all want to be heard. We want to be seen. We want to be recognized for our strengths and for who we really are as people. Well if I want to feel this way, most likely others around me want that too and therefore, a bit of selfishness comes around and we think of ourselves and our wellbeing before that of others. Unfortunately if you think of yourself but have no empathy and you're a manager, a spouse, a friend, someone of influence to the people in your inner circle, those people may not feel heard, seen or recognized and rather they may feel ignored, powerless and even forgotten. It's like they're screaming for attention, waving their arms but no one can see or hear them.

We all want to be heard. We want to be seen. We want to be recognized for our strengths and for who we really are as people.

The responsibility has to go on us all as individuals, being honest with ourselves and understanding that we live in a society, in communities, ones where our actions have consequences. It's our responsibility to not just focus on ourselves but if we choose to be intimate with someone, decide to foster relationships with our family members and manage people in a workplace, we have to think of those people too. Can we simply smile, recognize the person, treat people fairly and equally, demonstrate genuine care and love and ask people how they're feeling, if they're happy, if you could do anything to help them? You know that if you were about to go into war with someone and they smiled at you and asked how you're doing, that could cut the tension almost instantly. This is human nature. We let our minds create the battle before the battle even exists in the physical world, so that imaginative brain can pause in it's inner workings and be distracted with a smile, a hug, a kind gesture.

We let our minds create the battle before the battle even exists in the physical world, so that imaginative brain can pause in it's inner workings and be distracted with a smile, a hug, a kind gesture.

Understand that our emotions are temporary, we aren't always in the same emotional state. Different experiences bring about different emotions and it's ok to tap into the various emotions we feel at various times. However, if you hold on to a negative emotion, plotting your revenge or the way you are about to go to war and battle someone, understand that you've already lost. You will most likely suffer more than the other. You've already been suffering for a long time and that other person or people have been going on their merry oblivious way. When you have inner warfare, that's a battle you cannot survive.

However, if you pick your battles, and fight only those that mean so much to you and you are certain that the fight will yield improved results and will make you feel better, with less consequences, than not fighting, by all means, trust your gut. Yet I argue that most battles are not worth fighting for. You rather work from the inside, on your own, moving beyond the discomfort and win your battle that way. Being able to keep your head up high, not argue or fight with a fool, and live a happier less angry life. Opening up more opportunities for positivity and joy which is often more peaceful than war.

Opening up more opportunities for positivity and joy which is often more peaceful than war.

Help me spread the #ThoughtfulThursday idea by commenting, starting a conversation with your thoughts, sharing this article with a friend and making improvements in your life by taking the most important aspects of what you read and applying them. 

My hope is that these ideas help you in the way you desire them to. 

Thank you,

Tamara

Fitness and Wellness Coach, Personal Trainer, Instructor

EdM, MA Psychological Counseling, NASM Personal Trainer, AFAA Group Fitness, Precision Nutrition Level 1

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