PICK UP THE PHONE! by S CHAKRABORTY

The mobile phone has become a part of our life and practically an appendage to the body. We are checking our Whats App messages, all as a happy family, individually engrossed in our respective phones on the dining table, sneaking a check whilst driving, sneaking a peek during meetings, calling and forwarding all sorts of inane new found words of wisdom. We are all phone hooked line and sinker! There is no Question about it! We are all addicted to our phones! Yet no one thinks it, as a vice!

Apple recently announced the launch of its iPhone 8 and iPhone X, which come with sleek, new features. Apple also hopes to start a new community around the iPhones. Ahead of the launch, Angela Ahrendts, head of retail at Apple, said their stores will be called “Town Squares,” and would double as public spaces, complete with outdoor plazas, indoor forums and boardrooms.

The much-anticipated product launch was followed by millions who watched the event via livestream and on internet forums, blogs and in the news media.

I, too, was among them. Not anymore!

So, what draws people to these phones? Surely, it is not just the groundbreaking design or the connection with a community. As a minister, psychotherapist and scholar studying our relationship with hand-held devices, I believe there is much more going on.

Here are my three reasons why we love our phones.

1. Part of an extended self

Our sense of self is shaped while we are still in the womb. The development of the self, however, accelerates after birth. A newborn, first and foremost, attaches herself to the primary caregiver and later to things – acquiring what has been called an “extended self.”

The leading 20th-century American psychologist William James was among the first to argue for an extended self. In his “Principles of Psychology,” James defined the self as “the sum total of all that a man can call his, not only his body and his psychic powers, but his clothes and his house, his wife and children.” Losing any of this extended self, which could include money or another prized object, as he explained, could lead to a sense of great loss. In early childhood, for example, babies and toddlers cry if they suddenly lose their pacifier or favorite soft toy, objects that become part of their extended selves.

Phones, play a similar role. It is not uncommon for us to feel a sudden onset of anxiety should we drop our phone or if unable to find it. In my experience, many individuals feel the same way. It is also reflected in how often many of us check our devices. Many of us are always, checking to see if the signals are good or weak. Never do we stop complaining of weak signals and starting a major discussion on connectivity and whose service provided is worst that the other. This, ladies and gentlemen is the blame game syndrome and no one wants to pick a precious item such as a blame game so the convenient bugger in the game is the service provider. Each and every one will regale one another in depreciating the service provider. Blame it on the Rio! Mine is the worst at the loudest of decibel. Competition even at the worse- How competitive can we get?

2. Recalling caring relationships

When we hold our phones, it reminds us of moments of intimacy – whether from our childhood or from our adult life. The brain chemical dopamine and love hormone oxytocin, which play a role in the addiction “high,” kick in. These chemicals also create a sense of belonging and attachment. We hold our precious phone with the same effect as when a parent looks lovingly at his/her child or when two lovers gaze into each other’s eyes. We are in Love, in love with our precious instruments.

3. Fulfills need to produce and reproduce

Anthropologist Michael Taussig reminds us that it is in our “second nature to copy, imitate, make models, [and] explore difference” as we try to become a better or different self.

Phones help us do that. We take pictures, manipulate images, join discussions, curate a selfie and reach out to others. By texting back and forth, we weave together a conversation. Through searching, we become knowledgeable (even if we lack wisdom). Thus, we join ancestors who painted on cave walls and told stories around fires.

It should not come as a surprise then that smartphones use for internet searches is on a rapid rise. This is expected to grow to 75 percent by 2021. We are destined, it seems, to live with our phones in hand.

A lot of us must be wondering if we're hooked on our tech: Searches for “phone addiction” have risen steadily in the past five years, according to Google Trends, and “social media addiction” trails it closely. Interestingly, phone addiction and social media addiction are closely intertwined, especially for younger people, who probably aren’t playing chess on their phones or even talking on them—they’re on social media. And according to a growing number of studies, it’s looking more and more like this pastime is addictive. Even more concerning is the fact that this addiction is linked to some serious mental health risks.

But the reality, especially for younger people, is that phone use, especially heavy use, isn’t so lighthearted. A study last month looked at the rise in depression and suicide in teenagers in recent years.

NOW! That's when people want everything. Technology and innovation have created this monster, and what we have now (meaning currently, not immediately) is an instant gratification society. We're like babies screaming for our Pablum. When we don't get what we want, how we want it, and when we want it, we get mad, impatient, demanding, and whiny.

My plaintiff is not about advantages or disadvantages of the mobile addiction or for the matter the Threats or weaknesses of this habit. It’s about common courtesy’s which have vanished in quick inexplicable manner. This habit of not picking your call is despicable, lowly and characterless

This is true in communication. You have two types:

People who communicate as little as possible, especially via phone call. They don't respond to communication messages, or take their time about it. And it aggravates those who really need to speak with them. Kiss it goodbye if there's an emergency.

People who are very considerate to regularly respond in a timely matter, but sometimes things come up and they can't answer right away.

However, my content is not about the Phone addiction so much as the fact that good friends, friends, relatives, HR Heads, Head L&D, Purchase heads , Customer service and all important position holders do not pick your God damned calls ! They ignore the call, refuse to pick the call, put their precious appendages off! Now that’s the problem I am speaking and discussing about! This worries me a great lot!  

When the going is good it’s not about everything being rosy, but when the going gets bad it’s not about the tough get going but friends ignore your call. Educated the more. The best friends in your class will avoid your call. If you are looking for a job, that known HR Professional will show his best behind to you. Yes this includes all the popular Linked in SELF Branded Gurus, too. Executive Search professional will eat your head when you are at the helm of affairs but ignore you and not take your call. Suddenly all of a sudden life gets lonely and you find all the great and motivating forwards don’t make sense. People are in a hurry to forward interesting and sensitive forwards but totally insensitive in picking a call.

Today, mobile communication has made us islands by ourselves and we have reached that state in our own making. When you are in trouble and you need a Friend, you don’t get it, you get inane, mundane, impersonal forwards. I have made a resolve for one, to always answer a call if not call back if I have missed the call. Let’s bring a bit of sensitivity in our so lonely and techy world!!!

I know most of you will say the expected spontaneously: Well if you friend does not answer your call – he is not your friend! You are well rid of such a friend. That’s not the point! It’s not about losing a friend with whom at one time you had shared, College bunks, Pub peers, bike rides, wild outbound cook outs, swims in the river……………………Friendship just died at the advent of the great life, only to be remembered for forwards.

Here are the things we can try to do to rectify the situation:

Set time expectations--"Do you have just 3 minutes for a quick one, I really need your help on this." Now I know it won't be three minutes, but I do know that I can tell her I'm slammed and need to connect later, or I can take the call always being able to tell Jean that we have to wrap it up.

Re-connect first and fast--Every call starts with an "I was thinking of you the other day when I was at..."

Give before you ask--She then gives me a boost to my spirit, "Something you said in the past stuck in my mind, and it was....." and then she tells me why it was important and helpful. A compliment, genuinely given, is always a boost.

Know what you want specifically--Here's where Jean gets what she wants. "I am trying to figure out what to do... I could do this, that, or the other thing" is generally how the ask goes with the finishing point, "What do you think I should do?" These requests are always specific and a selection from options. I may choose to generate other options based upon what she has told me, but the conversation is always tighter because we are choosing rather than brainstorming.

Thank and exit--She finishes with "That's exactly what I needed. Thanks for taking the call. It really helps."

Close the loop--I always get an email in a day or two thanking me for the time and telling me the result.

Like I said, simple and effective. Your hot shot friend, Top executives, busy-buyers, ultra-busy: busy body, Purchaser and your boss all want to take those calls from people that they know or what they are getting and for the matter what they were expecting. Your call, may be for an intervention on a problem, assistance in connecting with someone, or insight on a challenge. By virtues of selfishness – none of these matter one bit! The culture of ignoring a call has come to stay!