Physics 101

"Movement causes friction," writes 47-year-old Pierre on the whiteboard. "More specifically, kinetic friction. A moving object will experience a force in the opposite direction of its flow. This is determined by the coefficient of kinetic friction between the two types of material. Every combination is unique. You can see this clearly in the formula F? = μ? η," he adds, confident that he has made his point. His students, on the other hand, believe the opposite and simply stare at him, perplexed. "Ok, let me try this. The effects of surface roughness and material deformation properties, both of which are brought about by chemical bonding between atoms in each of the bulk materials, together determine the coefficient of friction of two surfaces," he adds as if this was such a self-evident statement that no one could be confused afterward. But his listeners?remain silent, so quiet that one could hear a pin drop in the auditorium. "Oh my goodness. Individual atoms on the surface of two rubbing materials vibrate and thus dissipate energy due to resistance. In other words, the atoms on one surface want to move while those on the adjacent surface prefer to remain stationary. As I previously stated, movement causes friction," he adds with a desperate tone in his voice.

Suddenly, the school bell goes "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing" when the hammer strikes the gong repeatedly, causing the iron to vibrate and the sound waves to propagate into the air. But Pierre is the only one who’s considering the mechanics of the deafening noise; the rest of the class is nowhere to be found. He has been a physics teacher since receiving his Ph.D. more than two decades ago. He enjoys his job because it allows him to interact with like-minded colleagues, continue researching topics of interest to him, and stay at the forefront of what he refers to as "the mother of all sciences." He also likes spending time with students, assisting them in gaining new knowledge, and seeing them succeed in a field that most people try to avoid. However, in recent years, Pierre has considered leaving academia and launching a small hedge fund because he thinks physics and finance have a lot in common. In particular, he believes that, among other things, Random Walk Theory, Brownian Motion, and Quantum Economics can revolutionize our understanding of stock markets.

Over dinner, Pierre shares his plans with his wife. "You're insane!" she exclaims. "You have a successful career and you want to throw it away? You are aware that the children and I rely on your steady income. Are you willing to jeopardize our family on the spur of the moment? Let me tell you something, we will not be here if you fail. This is crazy, get that stupid idea out of your head right now!" she orders Pierre firmly.

The next day, Pierre tries his luck with his boss, with whom he has had a long and friendly relationship. "Look, if that's what you want, we'll support you," says the Physics Department Dean. "But you should know that you will be demoted to assistant professor until you make up your mind," he continues. “This means that the faculty will not publish your research again unless you guarantee that you will remain with us. Naturally, your pay will have to reflect all of this. But, once again, if this is what you want, we have your back," he says grimly.

Pierre leaves the meeting meditative, unsure whether to pursue his dream and disappointed in how his family and friends reacted to his plans. He feels lonely because of their lack of support. He’s hurt by their hostile reaction. And the dire consequences they portrayed?make him fearful of moving forward.

We've all felt a lack of support from people close to us at some point. We need their emotional backing during times of transition, insecurity, and tension. We rely on them for guidance, advice, and mentoring when taking important decisions or making major changes in our lives. A strong social support system is also essential for maintaining our physical and mental health during times of uncertainty. According to the Journal of Psychiatry , social support reduces stress-induced cortisol release (which can disrupt nearly all of our body's processes) and instead promotes oxytocin delivery (which helps to combat stress and exerts an anxiolytic-like effect). Furthermore, having a few people we can turn to when making big decisions can help us reduce?social isolation and loneliness, both of which can put us at risk of a weakened immune system, anxiety, depression, and other issues. Finally having a strong social support network can help us cope with decisions on our own by increasing our self-esteem. We feel better about ourselves when others cheer us on, not only because it increases our self-awareness, but also because it mitigates the negative effects of challenging events.

So, what can we do if the people who are supposed to be there for us aren't? We must first recognize that not everyone is qualified to assist us. There could be a plethora of reasons for this that have nothing to do with us. Verywell Mind suggests that they may have grown up in an environment where they were taught that taking risks or showing vulnerability was unacceptable. Sometimes they are unaware of our needs because we haven’t explained them well. Other times, their own fears and insecurities are the reason they don’t support us. There are also circumstances?when people sympathize with our situation but are unable to actively support us. Someone who is dealing with their own problems and simply isn't able to give anything else to other people is a good example of this.

I would also add to the list the possibility that those we expect to support us, particularly those closest to us, might be sensitive to the fact that our decisions could affect them. When selfish or self-centered people realize their own interests are jeopardized, they may attempt to manipulate or control us in order to steer our decisions in the direction they prefer. They will accomplish this by making us feel guilty, ashamed, or fearful. They will deceive us, confuse us, and use our words against us. They will criticize, blame, and undermine our faith in ourselves and others. They can be passive-aggressive, with words that don't match their actions, or simply aggressive, attacking, harassing, and humiliating us when we least expect it. These people will know how to push our buttons if that’s what they require.

Growing our support network is one way to get help when we don't find it with people we know. The American Psychological Association suggests three ways to do this. To begin, cast a wide net. We may not have anyone with whom we can confide about everything—and that's fine. Maybe we have a colleague we can talk to about problems at work, a neighbor who listens when we're having problems at home, and a former teacher who can evaluate our projects and ideas. Second, take the initiative. People frequently expect others to reach out to them and then feel rejected when others don’t. We must make an effort and actively connect with our social relationships because if we’re present for others, they are more likely to be present for us. Third, seek assistance. If we’re dealing with a particularly stressful situation, we can consult with a therapist, life coach, or mentor, as well as join a support group to meet others who are going through similar experiences.

It's very likely that by the time we're able to find help elsewhere, we'll be mentally depleted from our failed interactions with those we turned to first. This is why it’s critical to pay attention to our coping skills, especially if we have experienced a sudden loss of self-confidence. Assume we receive negative feedback on an idea from someone we appreciate. According to Psychology Today , this response is likely to shake us disproportionately because our brains are wired to look for signs of potential danger. When we lose confidence, we should try to determine whether it’s a complete false alarm, a justified one, or a combination of the two. The opinion of other people we value, reassessing our position, and simply taking a step back and looking at the big picture can all help us figure out what kind of alarm our brain is interpreting.

Finally, not receiving support from those we expect to give it to us can be an opportunity to reevaluate our relationships with them. According to Insider , the line between healthy and unhealthy relationships can be easily crossed and difficult to recognize, even with obvious signs to others. It lists seven indicators of a toxic or abusive relationship; I'll focus on three, beginning with a lack of trust. We want people to be able to rely on, be vulnerable with, and have in our corner. There can be no sense of security in the absence of trust. Second, controlling behaviors. These include telling us what’s right, acting as if we don't know what we're doing, and attempting to influence what we believe in. Third, hostile communication. Yelling, name-calling and physical intimidation are examples of overt aggressive interactions. In addition, subtle signs include bullying or mobbing, speaking behind our backs, and giving us the silent treatment.

A few days pass. It’s midnight and Pierre is at his home office desk, grading exams on the physics of friction. His flannel pajama portrays a collection of coffee drops and cookie crumbs, all of which are evidence of his stress-eating habits. He hasn't been able to reconcile his goals with the opinions of others and is still seeking support from his family and friends. He feels unsure, afraid, and lonely. Furthermore, he’s perplexed by how those close to him have reacted. Then an idea strikes. "Of course! I should have expected this to happen. Movement causes friction. I'm that atom trying to move, rubbing up against other atoms that want to remain still. It's only natural to expect resistance, and it's obvious that energy will dissipate as a result," he thinks to himself as he examines the frictional force formula in his book The Laws of Motion . "So, the only way to avoid the increased friction I'm experiencing is to stop moving. But I don't want that...hmmm...what should I do?" he muses. Almost immediately, he recalls a quote by Sir Isaac Newton that fills him with confidence, hope, and determination: "Live your life as an Exclamation rather than an Explanation."

Author: Esteban Polidura, CFA. January 14, 2023.

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