Phubbing – Phone Etiquette

PHUBBING

(Phone + Snubbing)

Musings By Vikram Karve

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First – let me tell you a story from my Navy Days.

This story happened around 45 years ago – in the end 1970’s – much before the advent of Mobile Phones.

Yes – those days – the only phones available were “Landline” Phones.

I was busy working in my office.

As was my habit – whenever I was doing something important – I had kept the phone off the hook.

My deputy knocked and entered my office.

I gave him an angry look.

He looked at me apologetically – and said to me:

“Sir – I am sorry. You told us not to disturb you – but – Boss has gone crazy…”

“So – what’s new in that…? The bugger is “crazy”…” I said.

“Sir – he wants you in his office immediately. He was trying to call you for the last 10 minutes – and your phone is dead…” my deputy said.

“My phone is not “dead” – I have deliberately kept it off the hook because I don’t want to be disturbed…” I said.

“Sir – the Boss said to tell you that he wants to see you in his office immediately…” my deputy said.

“Okay – Okay – you sit down…” I motioned to my deputy.

I put the phone on the hook – picked it up again – and – checked the dial tone.

Then – I dialled my Boss’s number.

“Come to my office immediately…” my Boss barked at me via the phone.

“Sir, I am very busy right now. Can I come later – in the afternoon – after lunch…?” I asked him.

“No. You come right now. I want to discuss “XXX” project – I need some clarifications…” my Boss shouted – and he banged down the phone.

At first – I thought that I would first complete the work I was doing.

And then – after finishing the urgent work in hand – I would go to my Boss’s Office.

That was the sensible thing to do.

But then – my Boss was a most rank-conscious authoritarian megalomaniac.

Though I wasn’t a “Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Three Bags Full Sir” type of Officer – the Navy is a military service – and – there is a limit to which one can reason with a Senior Officer – especially if he was like my conceited egotistical autocratic Boss.

So – I stopped whatever I was doing – and – I took out the Project “XXX” file from my drawer.

Then – I put on my cap – and – I started walking down to the Main Building of the Dockyard – where my Boss’s Office was located.

It was a hot and humid day in Mumbai – the main building was around 500 meters away from my workplace – and – by the time I reached my Boss’s Office – I was sweating profusely.

I entered my Boss’s Office.

My Boss was sitting at his desk – leaning back on his chair – talking on the phone.

I saluted him.

My boss ignored me.

Maybe he was so engrossed in the telephonic conversation – that he probably hadn’t noticed my salute.

I stood in front of him for around one minute.

I thought that he would terminate his telephonic conversation – and speak to me – at least ask me to sit down.

But – no such luck.

He was very much absorbed in the telephonic conversation.

I could overhear that he was speaking about shares and the stock market.

Suddenly – he leaned forward – picked up a pencil – and – he made some notes on a pad in front of him on the desk.

I felt humiliated.

My Boss was treating me as if I did not exist.

I turned around – and I walked out of his office.

My Boss’s pretty PA asked me:

“Sir – you’ve finished the meeting with him so fast…?”

“He is so busy talking on the phone that he doesn’t seem to have time for me…” I said.

“Yes, Sir – his “Broker” just called – the stock market is going crazy since morning – so – he must be discussing about which stocks and shares to trade in…” she said.

“Oh…” I said – and – I started walking away.

“Sir, please wait – he has been asking for you since morning…” my Boss’s PA said.

On hearing this – I said to my Boss’s PA:

“I was busy with some important work. Despite this – I came walking all the way in the hot sun because he insisted. And now – he just ignores me – and – he keeps talking on the phone…? This is not acceptable to me – so – I am going back to my office…”

I walked back to my office.

I took the phone off the hook – told my staff that I was not to be disturbed – and – I got on with the unfinished task of completing the urgent work.

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One hour later – my Boss stormed into my office.

He started shouting at me:

“What’s wrong with you…? You did you walk away rudely from my office…?”

I said softly but firmly:

“Sir – I am an Officer. Since you insisted – I walked all the way to your office. You had called me – I was standing in front of you – but – you ignored me – and you gave more importance to person on the phone…”

My Boss yelled at me:

“Stop bullshitting me. I will march you up to the Admiral…”

I picked up my cap and said to him:

“Okay, Sir – let’s go – I am going to ask the Admiral what was the right thing for you to do – to talk to your Officer who is standing in front of you – or – to talk to your “Stock Broker” on the phone…?”

My Boss did not march me up to the Admiral.

He just uttered a few threats and walked away.

In the afternoon – I called up my Boss’s PA – took a proper appointment – walked down to his office – and I explained details of Project “XXX” – for which he had summoned me in the morning.

His phone was quiet for the 15 minutes I was with him.

On my way out – I commented on this to his PA – who told me that the Boss had instructed her to see that he was not disturbed by phone calls when I was inside.

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Dear Reader:

Do you believe that this is a true story…?

Could I have really bullshitted my Boss…?

Am I one of those crazy mavericks…?

Maybe my course-mates and erstwhile colleagues can give you the answers.

Meanwhile – let’s just say that this is a “Fiction Short Story”.

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It does not matter whether the above story is true or not.

What matters is the moral of the story:

It is always rude to pay more attention to a phone – than to a person standing in front of you in flesh and blood.

First – talk to the person who is physically present with you.

Then – talk to the person on the phone.

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This “moral of the story” is even more applicable after the advent of mobile phones – and especially today – in the context of smartphones.

I try to practice what I preach (and preach what I practice) – though I do slip up sometimes – but – at least – I try my best.

Sometime ago – a blogger wanted to meet me in person to discuss blogging.

We were sitting in a Café and talking.

My mobile phone rang.

I ignored the phone.

The Blogger said to me:

“Your mobile is ringing…”

I said to her:

“I know. Let it ring. I am talking to you…”

The Blogger said:

“It may be something important…”

I said to her:

“Right now – you are the most important thing for me. I will see the missed call later – and – if I feel it is necessary – I will call the person. In any case – I don’t work for an emergency services agency where I have to attend every call and act instantly…”

In order to make the Blogger feel comfortable – I switched off my mobile phone – and I asked her to switch off her mobile too – reminding her that it was she who had wanted to meet me.

It was easy during the mobile cellphone days – but with ever since I got a smartphone – and – I became a “Photo Food Blogger” – things have become difficult.

So – now – whenever we go out for food – I first announce that I am going to focus my attention on clicking pictures of the food.

Then – I click my foodie pictures and upload them on social media immediately.

After that – I keep my smartphone away and give my full attention to my friends – and – of course – to the food.

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Dear Reader – to summarize “Mobile Etiquette” in a nutshell:

It is always rude to pay more attention to a phone – than to a person with you in flesh and blood.

If you give priority to your phone – and ignore the person in front of you – it is called “Phubbing” (Phone + Snubbing).

Don’t indulge in “Phubbing”.

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We do “phubbing” unconsciously – don’t we…?

Suppose you are talking to someone – and your mobile phone rings – don’t you instinctively pick up your mobile…?

And – don’t you tend to give more importance to the person talking on mobile rather than the person physically with you…?

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Dear Reader – you may ask me:

“In case your phone rings while you are talking to a person – is it okay to “excuse” yourself and then talk on the smartphone…?”

No – unless you are on duty and are required to attend to emergency/urgent situations as a part of your work.

Remember – you can always see the missed call numbers and call after you have finished talking to the person in front of you.

While you are talking to someone – it is not acceptable to answer phone-calls, do texting, tweeting or engage on social media, or even repeatedly glance at your smartphone screen – yes – all these things are not acceptable.

In case you are expecting calls – isn’t it better to tell the person who is with you that you will be busy attending calls and you can talk to the person later when you are free…?

Or – if you are awaiting an important call when meeting someone socially – isn’t it best to explain at the outset that you will have to take the call – and – apologize in advance – and if the call comes – excuse yourself and take the call privately…?

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PS:

Nowadays – we use our smartphones for so many more things besides calling and talking (conversation).

For example – we spend so much time on social media (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, various engaging Apps like YouTube etc.)

So now – we have taken “Phubbing” to a new level – because we get so engrossed in our smartphones that we are not even aware of the human beings around us.

Remember – give priority and deal with the person physically present seeking your attention – before you get engrossed in your smartphone.

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Dear Reader:

What are your views on “Phubbing”…?

Do comment and tell us.

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VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright ? Vikram Karve

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Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

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Link to my source post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/01/mobile-etiquette-phubbing.html

? vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Repost of My Blog Post PHUBBING first posted by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Vikram Karve Blog at url: https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2018/10/phubbing-phone-snubbing.html and in my writing blog at url: https://karve.wordpress.com/2020/08/02/phone-etiquette-phubbing-2/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/03/28/phubbing-mobile-phone-etiquette/ etc

? vikram karve., all rights reserved.