Phrases that Will Annoy Your Colleagues

There are certain phrases I have learned to avoid. I am sharing my perspective to help others see how my approach to communication has changed over time.

" It's on my radar"

This is how I used to respond when someone asked me about a task that was overdue for completion. That sales report I promised to have finished yesterday? Yep, that sucker is definitely on my radar.

This response is a mistake on multiple levels:

1. It's a bad metaphor. You know what else was "on the radar"? The Japanese bombers attacking Pearl Harbor. When the bombs started falling no one cared whether or not the bombers were on the radar.
2. It's an indication of communication failure. The person asking me about status already knows it's overdue. The fact that the person needed to ask me about it is the failure.
3. Radar is best used when advising people about a risk or opportunity they don't know about already.

What I say (do) instead: I proactively communicate changes. Give a heads-up. People appreciate knowing changes as far in advance as possible. Better yet, I meet or exceed the original commitment.

"I've never done this before"

This pre-excuse is a great way to set the table for a future failure. After all, if something goes wrong on my project I can blame the person who gave me the assignment.

If all my professional tasks consisted of things I had previously done, I would still be pushing shopping carts at Home Depot. Don't get me wrong; that was a great job and everyone has to start somewhere. I certainly did.

What I say (do) instead: First, I make sure I fully understand the request. Then, I figure out what the task requires. Research on the internet is easy. Google, Bing, YouTube or Wikipedia are all really helpful. Internet forums can be a wealth of info if you find the right ones. I also ask colleagues or pose questions to my network on LinkedIn. None of this is rocket science, but you can figure that out online as well.

Once my preparation is complete, I make sure to align with my client or boss before proceeding. If I am not confident in my ability to do the task, I suggest other options. If I am confident in my ability to do the task, I own it.

My approach still results in some mistakes from time to time. At least I do not make pre-excuses for them.

"I'll try my best"

This phrase is also a pre-excuse and usually implies failure is inevitable. Professionals understand that results matter more than effort.

On my first day of work as an auditor, my supervisor asked me to look through a file a of 30,000 invoices and find the duplicate payments. I asked him, "What is a duplicate payment?" He responded, "I've already told you too much." I told him, "I'll try my best to find them." He was not impressed.

In hindsight, by not providing me with step-by-step instructions, my boss was giving me the chance to problem solve. He set a clear expectation: "Find the duplicate payments." The task gave me an opportunity to work with helpful coworkers who taught me how to identify duplicate payments.

In the professional world, participation trophies for "trying your best" are also known as pink slips and contract terminations.

What I say (do) instead: I do or do not. There is no try. Sometimes I fail. I'm okay with failure as long as I can live to learn from it. So far I have avoided fatal mistakes.

"I don't disagree"

I used to say this when when my agreement with a decision or idea was more than 0% but less than 100%. I wanted to sound agreeable without actually agreeing. I didn't realize the mixed single I was sending by using a double negative.

This isn't an argument for just agreeing with everything. There are times and places to share an opinion. Success in business or careers does not require agreeing with every decision made by a client, supervisor, peer or subordinate.

What I say (do) instead: I've come to realize that when I am informed of a decision, the other party is not asking for my opinion.

A good way to know if your opinion is being requested is that your input will be sought before the decision is made. If my opinion is requested before a decision is made, I will respond directly. If not, I am generally silent or I simply say "I understand."

If I truly don't understand, I might ask a question such as how a particular factor was taken into account and which factors weighed most heavily in the final decision.

For me, this has been an effective balance of prudence and assertiveness. I also make it a priority to ask peers and subordinates for opinions before I make a decision.

"Do you think there is a better way?"

On the surface this seems like a helpful question. The reason it isn't helpful is that it's a rhetorical question. Asking people if they think there is a better way is just a passive aggressive way of telling them you think there is a better way.

Rhetorical questions are belittling. They invite emotional responses and defensiveness. Once emotions take over a discussion our thinking brain shuts down and our emotional brain boots up. Have you ever tried to reason with a toddler throwing a tantrum?

What I say (do) instead: I ask genuine questions to help me understand the other person's decision process. For instance, I'll ask what options were considered and the factors that led to the option chosen. My goal is solely to understand their thought process, not to get them to understand mine. Once I understand the other person's thought process I stop.

Sometimes these questions will lead people to see an option they didn't recognize before. Other times they will discover new factors or prioritize factors in a different way. Some of the time it won't change anything. A lot of the times I'm the one whose mind is changed.

If a clearly better option exists, it's okay to ask if someone is willing to consider an alternative approach. If they say yes, you can offer your suggestion. If they say no, accept it.

These are just a few of the phrases I don't use anymore. If you disagree, I'd love to discuss in the comments. What did I leave out? For those who work with me, I'd love to know the phrases I still use that I need to stop using. Let's keep the discussion going.