Pessimism to Punchline: Humor is a Problem-Solving Reframe to "Turbo-Change" Possibilities

Everything is a story. Stories are the atoms of life. Except for actual atoms...

Still.

"I thought this person didn't like me, so I built up a story in my head. I didn't reach out and I think what other connection and possibilities did I miss?"

This was me. I told this story to the audience this month at a speaking event about a story I told myself. I had written and published that story mentally and I bought a lot of copies! Hey, it was a GOOD story I told myself. True? Maybe and maybe not.

It's possible that the story you tell yourself, maybe has a bit of truth, and you've heightened to such a degree that it keeps you stuck.

It has me. So on a regular basis, I try to challenge my own stories!

Because that story about someone else or ourselves is keeping us from possibly connecting and changing our lives.

The Story I Am Telling Myself

Sound familiar? That story - and we all do it - cuts us off from taking risks, seeking connection, listening and understanding with empathy:

"This won't work"

"This is personal..."

"This person won't like me...."

It's totally human.

Stories like that can undermine braver, bolder action for you and your team.

Brene Brown reminds us when we catch ourselves in these patterns, to stop, question and challenge that narrative: "The story I am telling myself is....."

Awareness is half the challenge. Now, we can reframe it.

REFRAME SOLUTION: FROM PESSIMISM TO PUNCHLINE

We can reframe the perceived problem, challenge, with humor. Once we do, we can see the challenge through a new lens, take action or reimagine a new way to move forward. The pessimism, the challenge... loses its hold on us.

So here's a few things to consider and have fun, too:

1. Be clear on what's bothering you
2. Find a new story
3. Props: make it funny by turning it upside down or sideways
4. What possibilities does it inspire?

EXAMPLES TO WRITE A NEW STORY

Challenge: "The person in front of me is driving so slow and I can't get around them. I am gonna be late!"

Reframe: "Thanks to slow drivers in the fast lane, I have time to put on makeup in my car, eat breakfast off my dashboard and practice my defensive driving moves!"

Possibilities inspired: maybe leave earlier, laugh more, write a comedy bit from it, build a makeup counter in my car!

Challenge: "That person does not like me. What's their problem?"

Reframe: "That person is too busy to get to know me. They're probably on overload and I am not even an afterthought. It's not about me. Let's give them a chance to resent me."

Possibilities inspired: being more aware of the other person's workload may change how we reach out, and ask about them. Lead with more humor and empathy and ask how the other person is. Be aware of how that story may influence our interactions and create a self-fulfilling story. If you're bold enough, you can approach a person that you want a relationship with and say, "here's the story I tell myself.." That's a bold one.

Challenge: "That team says no all the time. They just want to block us."

Reframe: "That team is under stress. I bet they go home and benchpress a lot. Maybe if I take initiative to show how our idea lightens THEIR load, write it up ...and attach a box of donuts to it, they'll change their mind. Never mind, I ate most of the donuts. They're frugal - they can split a donut!"

Possibilities inspired: reach out, offload the team, find a new way to connect because it's not personal. Bring donuts. Have a lunch to get to know the other team and their concerns and what's going on. Find out what they need ...probably not more donuts. Then again, they may be hangry!

Challenge: "I didn't hear back on that application. I must not be good enough."

Reframe: "There's probably a lot of applicants. Some really good ones, including me. If I don't hear anything in a month (X time, insert reasonable amount here), I'll follow up lightly with something fun to make them smile. Assuming recruiters still do that, yes?!"

Possibilities inspired: change our energy, maybe even how we apply. Remember we are good enough and that these are rarely personal. Increase our applications so no one application has power over our mood. Remember this is a great learning lesson on how to handle rejection or that black hole of no answer with humor and empathy - so we learn how to keep trying with less fear. Challenge yourself to apply more...so we are uncomfortable more. That is growth.

Final Thoughts

Humor and laughter build muscle. Laughter allows us to have patience and empathy for ourselves and others.

With that reframe, we see new ways of being and doing - that can change how we show up. When we do that, we build trust, courage and connection - all the precursors for big, bold innovation in our lives.

The most important stories are the ones we tell ourselves. So be selective, be kind and be humorous. It matters.

What do you think? Got an example? I would love to hear.