Persuasion Through Listening: The Power of Connection

Persuasion Through Listening: The Power of Connection


Diagram from the book


What makes persuasion truly effective? In leadership, it is often less about force and more about connection, empathy, and genuine communication. To inspire action, we need more than authority; we need to create sincere buy-in. How can leaders foster this level of trust and cooperation?

In one of my previous roles, we often implemented projects that required significant adjustments from external stakeholders, frequently involving other organizations. We needed them to modify their processes to meet our objectives, which was challenging. Most of my counterparts were usually reluctant to make major changes. Perhaps it was due to the natural resistance many people feel toward change, especially when it involves shifting established processes.

Initially, we tried a surface-level approach—consulting stakeholders but not delving deeper. This yielded few results, as the teams would go through the motions without commitment. Another approach involved top-down pressure, using senior leaders to push the initiative. While this occasionally got things done, it often left our counterparts feeling resentful.

Through trial and error, we found a more effective approach—one that became our "secret weapon."

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In Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone, Dr. Mark Goulston explored how authentic listening and empathy could break down resistance, build trust, and create true connection. His approach highlighted the power of understanding others' emotions, leading to persuasive communication rooted in respect.

Three key insights from Goulston’s work:

1. The Persuasion Cycle – Goulston’s Persuasion Cycle illustrated that rather than instructing others, inviting them to share their thoughts could move them from resistance to buy-in. Open-ended questions allowed them to feel heard and encouraged a shift in perspective.

2. Mirror Neurons and Empathy – He emphasized leveraging mirror neurons by reflecting the emotions and concerns of others. By acknowledging their challenges, people feel understood and are more likely to respond positively.

3. Power Thank-Yous and Apologies – Goulston advised showing gratitude and remorse sincerely and specifically. This “power thank you” and “power apology” approach fosters a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

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Back to my story, we discovered one of the most impactful techniques: the “power thank you.” After each project, instead of merely thanking our counterparts directly, I would send a thoughtful email to the head of their organization, specifically highlighting the contributions of their team and detailing how their work had been instrumental in the project’s success. This small gesture of recognition went a long way—my counterparts deeply appreciated it and often responded with personal notes. Over time, word spread about our thank-you gestures, and whenever we sought support from other organizations, they were more prompt and willing to collaborate. The “power thank you” became a bridge, creating a culture of respect and reciprocity that eased future partnerships.

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Here Are My Three Tips to Build Trust Through Persuasive Listening

1. Remember the Persuasion Cycle

The next time you are asking for something, do not jump in with reasons. Identify where the other person may be in the cycle—from resistance to consideration—and meet them at that point.

2. Mirror Concerns in Conversations

Use mirroring to acknowledge and reflect the other person's concerns. This empathetic approach builds connection and shows that their input is valued.

3. Be Specific in Everyday Thanks

Even in daily situations, make your gratitude detailed and specific. A “power thank you” is memorable and leaves a lasting positive impression, strengthening trust.

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Persuasion is not about forcefully pushing against a wall, hoping it will give way. It is more like finding the rhythm of a revolving door—when you approach it correctly, with the right timing and consideration, it opens smoothly. Effective persuasion invites others to move with you, allowing trust and collaboration to flow naturally. When leaders master this approach, they create an environment where people feel valued, understood, and eager to contribute.



Lim Ronnie

EHS Expert & Safety Process Leader | Multi-Industry Experience | Protecting Companies, Employees & Environment Through Safety Leadership & Risk Management

3 个月

Loving the analogy of a revolving door which is so apt

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