A Perspective about Vulnerability Fatigue.

I am tired! I have Vulnerability Fatigue.

What is this?? Fatigue is just the act of being exhausted. And the vulnerability part, well as a black woman when something happens in the black community ?black women are often the ones sharing the story, the journey and the hurt.

When there is an event that is being showcased, and I use that word “showcased” purposely, acts of violence against black or brown people it is highlighted in the news, in a podcast and there is a hashtag trending.?

If there is evidence of the hurt, that video that is shared more times than it should and then the impacted and marginalized person has their past and present highlighted for all to read, ofttimes regardless of their part ( most of the time they are the victim).? The family has their privacy invaded and pictures are highlighted all over any outlet that will share. Marginalized and non marginalized people are sharing their options and for better or worst, it continues to highlight the divide between communities.

And then what?

As the marginalized person reacting to the situation, many things are occurring. In some cases , a person who you may not have a relationship with will want to offer sympathies. This person will ask what can they do and how can they help. This is not a bad thing but puts you in the position of education and opening up yourself to explain what is occurring in the community.

This is an important point whether you come from a community that feels the burden of shouldering the work for representing your community or you are an ally. There are many experts who can discuss both of these topics in depth and provide not only socio-economic or clinical perspectives but leaders who provide their views in depth on how to recognize and combat the issues that keeps marginalized people traumatized and limited in their access to resources and wealth.

When I look at vulnerability fatigue , every person from a marginalized community has felt this in some capacity. Whether from the viewpoint of “ I need to raise the banner for awareness” or “This event did JUST not occur” and now a well meaning coworker want to check in or create their own narrative and need validation.

Do we really need to wait for something bad to happen? Are we not in the business of creating community and elevating culture now and TODAY. If the tragedy is the catalyst, then you are behind.

If your leadership team is in the business of making sure every voice is at the table and heard, then it must be representative of the community it is serving. That every voice is not just a token but a valued member of the team with insights that are used and implemented. That there is actual representation in all levels of the business, then when these moments of tragedy occur, there is not a lift required to show compassion and empathy. The team has been and continue to build that muscle and the ask of “ Are you Ok?” if felt and seen as genuine and that marginalize person then knows they have the space to be authentic and real.

There is a lot of performative work done by people and organizations that is truly harmful in the name of partnership. Performative allyship is the practice of words, posts and gestures that do more to promote an individual's own virtuous moral compass than actually helping the causes that they're intending to showcase. It is very self serving and inward focused instead over outward focused. It is a term used to describe when someone professes to support marginalized groups, for reasons other than genuinely caring about their experiences and equality. Performative allyship can be harmful because it can lead to tokenism, exploitation, and a false sense of progress.

I remember reading a report about an increase in black representation in a specific field.? Leadership boasted a 50% growth rate. While that sounds impressive but a 100% growth rate of 1 is 2 and in a organization that has 4000 people, is the percentage the number that should be boasted or should we recognize that there is still work to be done. Details and context paint a fuller story. Do you mandate diversity training or are employees able to opt in. Which option opens the door for performative connections vs genuine empathy?

When the actions are performative, when this is occurring? then there is re-traumatization. Those marginalized people know when they are the token and when someone is professing without action.

I did. It never felt good and regardless of my job situation, it highlighted the divide and the lack of equality. I found myself practicing equanimity in the face of harm by those who thought they were doing good.

These are the same individuals who will let you know they are your ally and remind you of this. We don’t need to be reminded.

This is a mentally and physically draining place to be. Why? Because unlike the other skills you are developing as a Chief of staff, this draws on those parts of you that are personal, important and sometime the intimate parts of your persona. Those are the parts of you that make you who you are regardless of title, income or familiar standing. This taps into the essence of your being.

The fatigue in this sense is very real and can feel personal. This is now pulling out what is beneath it all to help provide space for someone who doesn’t have your lived experience and perspective. If someone criticizes your viewpoint on running a project, it may be personal but its about a skill that you naturally cultivated or something you learned. If a person criticizes your stance on a cultural issue, it feels personal.

Sometimes insensitive things are said to help you “get over it”. Statements like, “its not personal” , “you are being too sensitive”, “ it’s not just black people”? and many many more statement like these that could fill a book just end up feeling like a weight around your neck as you look to provide a perspective. Enter vulnerability and do this enough- FATIGUE. Sometimes to shift the attention away from the situation, the professed ally will shift the focus to them.

Enter a sigh!

What do we do about this and how does one combat vulnerability fatigue in a team. Start at the beginning. If you are the leader of an organization, put measure in place to hire, retain and promote not only diverse talent outside of the organization but inside the organization. All movement does not need to be lateral.? Build the community from the start and not when there is an incident. What are the discussions being held and who in include and more importantly who is not included and why.

We live in a time of many work types, in office , hybrid and fully remote. Each type has their pros and cons and some roles require a physical presence for the work being performed. Challenge the why for the fully in office roles. Is it about creating and maintaining a connection or micro management.? Build the camaraderie and connection. Understand and celebrate the diverse perspectives around you. Take the time to learn on your own. There are many resources out there for learning.?

When Culture meet Community there is HARMONY and ignorance loses it power as inclusivity becomes the norm.

Be creative. Hire across the globe and build connection points for face time. The book on effective connections in a hybrid world is still being written. Bring your innovative mind and include your org for ideas.

That's my PSA.