Perspective & Hard Truths

It has been multiple months since I wrote and posted an article. I honestly haven't had much to say. Navigating adult life can be that way sometimes. You feel like things are going along pretty smoothly and then something happens and you realize that you have been putting something off be it intentional or subconsciously.

For me this happened a few nights ago when I was able to catch up with a friend who I hadn't spoken to in some time. That person actually apologized to me for their absence but then explained that the reason that they had been unavailable to me was that they had a ton going on in their own life and that I had been so negative for such a long period around the time when I changed companies that they felt like they couldn't help me to shoulder that and that it made them less available and positive for their own family when they went home in the evening.

Wow. You want to talk about a punch in the gut. I stood there for a few minutes during this exchange, and I began to think. I wondered how many others I had done the same thing to. I was ashamed of myself. There is a sign in my office that I have had for years that has multiple motivational and leadership quotes on it. About halfway down is one we have all heard before "never let your emotions overpower your intelligence." As I stood on my deck and listened to my friend, I realized that not only had I let them down but that I had been allowing my emotions to overcome my intelligence for a long time.

Warren Buffet has a great quote "You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means that everyone else can control you. Breath and allow things to pass." So here I am listening to my friend in June of 2024 thinking about how I had let words that were said to me in over fourteen months ago still deeply affect me, as a person, friend, employee, and leader. All of the suffering that I had brought on myself, that was a hard pill to swallow but one that I definitely needed.

The truth is words can be hurtful. Most of us learn that at a very early age. I thought about what was said to me and how truly angry and upset it made me. Then I also considered how I have been on the other end of that same type of conversation and how I could have altered what I said or how I said it. At the end of the day, I wouldn't change any of the decisions that I made but I would have handled myself differently in the moment, during the transition, and then the subsequent months that followed.

So, I say all of that to say this. Perspective can be truly profound as both a person and a leader. The ability to see a situation or a specific time through someone else's lenses and then use that to unpack something for yourself and hopefully learn from it is a real and powerful thing. Be prepared to be humbled in most cases and respond accordingly.

In this case for me I almost immediately apologized profusely in return. After hearing how my actions/reactions had negatively impacted them I understood why they had avoided me for so long. I thought about all of the conversations and moments that I had missed out on during that time and how I had no one to blame for that but myself. I expect there may be others of you that read this that I might owe an apology to as well. Hopefully we can do that in a conversation at some point in the near future.

This one was really difficult for me but there were a lot of important takeaways and things for me to use to be a better person, friend, and leader. If someone else can learn something from it as well then that just an added bonus. As always hope this helps.