A Perspective on Failure No One Asked For....

11,193 people know I didn't pass comps. That was not something I ever imagined sharing, but also had this moment where I knew that to be authentic to who I try to be, I could not simply share the good of life. Now...you may be asking why or how did that happen and why am I now about to share more failures and lessons. Well....I have never been a person to hesitate to share an opinion, perspective, or life event, whether I was asked for it or not. It is easy to share the successes and wins whether it be joining this board or getting that award....you get my point. What is much harder and what I think is critical that folks practice is celebrating and falling forward through failure. So let's talk about what I reflect on as three of my crucial failures.

1. The time I didn't get into my "perfect" graduate program. I had my heart set on a specific program for Grad School. I wanted to go there, I even took a trip before applying paid for out of my own pocket, I met with folks, and loved everything. I didn't get admitted. I questioned my ability to succeed, thought I was failing, and lost sight of the opportunities to learn. This wasn't the first time something I really wanted didn't work out, but it hit differently. It felt like I wasn't good enough. The lesson here came in humbling myself to reach out for feedback. I asked, they told, and it was a meh answer. I did though use that to recommit myself to finding the right place for me. I interviewed at all other programs I applied and got admitted. I chose Miami and got an amazing experience of opening a new student center, building programs, and connections that live on. In the end, the no opened an amazing door.
2. The job I didn't get in my first search- Coming out of grad school at Miami I interviewed for an Advisor/Coordinator role at a dream institution that I hope to work at one day! I wanted that job SO bad. I thought the interview went well and then I didn't get the job. I was CRUSHED. It happens. As a result, I bombed an interview the next week. I lost confidence in my ability, instead of accepting that not all opportunities are for you. Remembering that a failure is not always a direct reflection of your ability....it is sometimes just a guide post towards something different. The other most important thing is that had I gotten that job, I think it is unlikely I would have made it to Georgia Tech and then go back to Georgia State to lead Orientation & Family Engagement. Sometimes we have to embrace an alternative path as it can leads us to unexpected things.
3. I didn't keep the 100 pounds off. From July 2019- January 2021, I lost 100 pounds. I felt great, my clothes looked great, and I could do really all the things I could have wanted. A relationship ended, I was questioning my career, and I then went on to gain 85 of those 100 pounds back. As I write this, I have lost 12 pounds so really only 73 of those pounds are on me now....but a failure in my eyes for sure. Here's the thing though...the only failure would have been not recommitting to getting on the road. I am back on the right path and though the road won't be easy I have learned from what happened to prepare for the work needed.

In the moment, the failure hurts...and that's ok. The thing I hope others can learn from this is that failure is a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow. My biggest successes came form being ok with the failure that may come. When I risk big, I have won big. When I have failed, I have learned and grown. Either way, the failure has helped me on my journey and hope we can all make space to share our failures so that others can see the road is not always smooth. So let me leave you with a quote someone shared with me from Diane Ackerman.... “I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”

Here's to the successes, failures, and lessons that we all have to learn.