Personality 'Types' for 'live' meetings

As Covid restrictions start to ease, and the prospect of ‘live’ meetings in the workplace becomes more realistic, I’ve put together some tongue in cheek guidance for people on ‘Meeting Types’ . Disclaimer – this list is not exhaustive - other meeting types walk amongst us! 

The Chairperson – sits at the head of the table, gets everyone to introduce themselves because they can’t remember their names, can’t really remember which meeting this is or why they’re there, but they’ll give it their best shot at looking like they do.

 The ‘ likes the sound of their own voice’ person – regularly doubles the duration of any meeting by paraphrasing what’s already been said by the person who’s actually been asked to report on a particular item. Has no opinion of their own.

 The Sycophant – agrees with just about every opinion offered by anyone, especially the chairperson. Is signally incapable of disagreement.

 The ‘Own Agenda’ Person – fixates on a particular irrelevant subject and shoehorns it into every available agenda item. (e.g. car parking/office toaster) High risk area – Any other Business.

 The Reluctant Attendee – doesn’t want to be there. Got sent in someone else’s place and can’t wait to get away. Favourite phrase “Nothing to add” . Regularly checks watch, and is half way out of the door when the chairperson asks “Any other business?”

 The Hijacker – doesn’t care what the topic of the meeting is, but given how many bosses are there, they’re going to get both barrels on a totally unrelated matter. Traditionally very difficult to silence.

 The Shrinking Violet – absolutely terrified of speaking, riddled with imposter syndrome, feels completely out of their depth and wishing that the earth would open up and swallow them. Fails to make eye contact with anyone. Adopts a penitent position and prays silently not to be noticed, occasionally with rosary beads.

 The Stickler for Protocol - incapable of deviation from the agenda. Addresses all comments “through the chair” and regularly uses the expression “point of order!” Considers themselves to be a bit of an expert on The Constitution.

 The Bishop – has absolutely no answers to perfectly reasonable questions but “will confirm and get back to you”. Rarely delivers on that promise.

 The Clown – will do anything to lighten the mood, and relentlessly plays to the crowd. Capable of spotting a pun, play on words or double entendre in microseconds, and feeding it back into the meeting to the embarrassment of the initial owner. Whatsapps suspected kindred spirits with witty quips and clothing fails (see ‘Latecomer’)

 The Minute Taker – writes 80% of the minutes before the meeting has started. Records about 5% of what is actually said in the meeting and still manages to make more sense of it than all the participants combined. Can often be found gazing out of the window, especially when the ‘likes the sound of their own voice’ person is speaking. Sighs occasionally.

 The Latecomer – arrives at least ten minutes after the start, in a flurry of apologies and spilled papers. Occasionally characterized by clothing fail (e.g. skirt tucked in knickers or flapping shirt). Favourite phrases “Where are we on the agenda?” and “Is there any coffee left in that jug?”