A personal story on the power of being present (at home and work)

My daughter Emma was learning how to crawl right around what (at the time) seemed to be the height of my success. I’d sold a business, was financially independent, lived in a beautiful home on a hill, was asked to write a book by Bloomberg, made the cover of Financial Planning magazine. I thought I had it all…

One evening after work, I was in Emma’s room sitting on the floor playing with her.? I’ll never forget that night.? One minute she was across the room playing with something and – what seemed like an instant later – she was in my lap tapping me, saying in that 2 year old way, “pay attention to me!”

It was startling and frankly life-changing to realize that for the past few minutes, I had no idea where I’d been while I was with my child. In that moment, I was utterly NOT present, and in spite of all the success I was experiencing at work, I felt like an abject failure.??

The truth is, being present isn’t something that comes naturally. With everything that’s constantly vying for our attention, it’s up to us to take agency over our time and how we show up – for our clients, for our employees, for our families and for ourselves. Time, after all, is our greatest revenue – and happiness – producing asset.??

Not long after Emma brought my non-presence to my attention, I left Genworth and took my family to Turks & Caicos for a few months to remind myself how to be present. It meant rethinking what my definition of “success” really was, and leaning into, not ignoring or putting off, what felt good to me (giving my daughter my undivided attention, for one thing).

When we’re not present to what really matters, we get distracted and our efforts are diluted. When we’re not present to the people in our lives, we’re telling them that what is happening with them isn’t as important to us as what's happening in our heads – even when that isn’t our intent.??

When we’re not present to what really matters – building a practice that delivers real value while working and feeling great, for example – we lose focus. ?

Presence is focused attention and awareness in and of the moment.? Much of the time we operate on auto-pilot, whirling through our days without ever truly being present to the moments that make them up.??

Presence isn’t a gift, it’s a skill we develop and nurture. So, this Monday, I invite you to do some mental muscle building with the following exercise this week:

• Start each work day with both hands face down, flat on the desk in front of you, sitting tall and straight.?
• Take 10 deep “belly breaths ” to oxygenate your brain and get present (turn off habitual auto-pilot response).
• Remind yourself of your intention for the day. For example, my intention today is to be clear, present and focused today, really tuned in to what my clients and team need from me, etc. I will often say “My intention is to be as awesome as possible to every human I interact with – and these always end up being the best days.” If you don’t remind yourself of your intention for the day, the world will.
• Reinforce how awesome-sauce you are.? It may sound silly, but your brain is the most powerful tool you have and it believes what you tell it (and neuroscience says 95% of the time we’re telling ourselves negative things). Say something like, “I am a clear, conscious, confident leader” or “I am a great advisor because I ….”? This is the place to remember consistency compounds, including your thoughts, so manage them carefully.?
• Review your schedule for the day – if you review it and feel good, you’re aligned and on track. If you don’t, it means something is off. Maybe you don’t like the clients you’re meeting with, or the work you’re doing that day is energy draining.? Not feeling energized and engaged in our days is a sign that something needs to be tended to. This is valuable feedback we would be wise to listen to, but often ignore, at a cost.?
• Take a few more deep breaths, visualize yourself having a great day, and then clap your hands together to complete the exercise. Really you can do anything, you’re just creating a mental cue that reminds your brain of this positive, empowered, feel-good state when you clap your hands together, building a powerful habit routine over time.?
• Get up and make it a great day!? If you start to feel stressed, distracted, or otherwise not on track and feeling good, stop and take a few deep breaths, reflect on your intention, clap your hands together and refocus. Doing this repeatedly throughout the day helps retrain your brain for focus.

This is a great exercise to get grounded and present as you begin your work days.? More on how to get present as you shift from work to personal life at the end of each day in an upcoming Mojo.??

Try it, she said.? You’ll like it, she said.

I’ll start layering in some practice and growth strategies in February, but am focusing January on ways we can set ourselves up for success this year. Why does this matter? Because when we feel better, we do better.

To being present (and awesome) in 2023!