Personal perspective informs everything everywhere always

Didn’t Socrates tell it like it is when he said: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”? I do, and have always, lived an obsessively examined life. But as with all examination, you never know what you’ll discover that you weren’t even looking for - nor may you truly understand it. What philosopher Immanuel Kant, writer Ana?s Nin and a Talmudic tractate all said in virtually the same words? “We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.” For better and worse, all of our life experiences shape who we are and are the foundation of our view of the world and our interpretation of others.

A minority of lucky people are blessed largely with better, but virtually no one escapes some measure of worse. Indeed, there are those who endure unimaginable horror that either destroys them or, through Herculean effort, helps them heal. They can then give to themselves and those around them a remarkable dose of better. I’m a survivor of mind-boggling trauma. But with professional help and personal drive I’ve succeeded personally and professionally incredibly better because of facing and working through it. It’s a journey that never ends, traveling on coarse roads of bumps and potholes. I’ve taken some bad, weird turns, but I’ve also enjoyed long smooth stretches of inner peace and considerable productive, constructive action.

You don’t have to survive anything major to realize that your perceived imperfections of yourself color your interpretation of the language and behavior of others. In our insecurity we ask: Am I liked, appreciated, respected? Am I loved? Am I acknowledged, even visible? And ironically, we spend so much time wondering what others think of us, we fail to realize that others are mostly wondering what we think of them. This is true not only in our personal lives but also in our working environment.

When we bring doubts about ourselves and judgments of others into the workplace, we function from what is largely regarded as the two most basic emotions: love and fear. This triggers the primary human response: fight or flight. Add to that some ego, ambition and greed and you have quite a caldron of stress, stupidity and toxic competition – and a guarantee of corporate disfunction fueled by ignorance, suspicion, turf protectiveness, and an increasing lack of a sense of humor.

The same is true of societies as a whole. Right now, worldwide (in varying ways), we are seeing the consequences of fear of “The Other,” fear of the future, a desperate clinging to the concrete familiar present, and a wistful nostalgia for the past. It’s how and why we create bubbles around ourselves and “our kind.” It’s why we’re hyper-sensitive to language, resistant to cultural change, and break off into conflicting alternate realities. In all aspects of life / business, it’s essential to be aware of all the multi-faceted motivations that drive us at any given moment.

In dealing with others, it is through our words, our actions and our energetic vibes that we can create a shared safe place to reveal our wholeness. We can trust that we will see and understand each other without judgement, whatever we may be experiencing. We can value our complex reality and do each other no harm. In the wise words of the poet/scholar Rumi: “Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden. I will meet you there.”

We can also do this in every aspect of our lives. But there’s a catch. A friend recently told me an anecdote about the master cellist Pablo Casals. He was well into his 90s when a reporter asked him why he still practiced three hours a day. Casals answered: “Because I am beginning to see some improvement.” For those who want to be their best and contribute the most no matter what they’ve had to slag through, the work of being human never ends.

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Nadine B Hack is CEO beCause Global Consulting and Senior Advisor Global Citizens Circle . She gives keynote addresses globally. She also advises senior leaders and teams. A version of this article first appeared in Forbes Councils where she is a regular contributor.?