A personal note to all the single parents and caretakers trying to make ends meet...

In 2013, after 8 years of marriage, I separated from my spouse. I was in the middle of a PhD program, with a 7 year-old child, and I had already amassed 6 figures of student loan debt (largely from interest accrued on undergraduate loans and an expensive private Master's program).

Financially, it was a scary time for me. I was barely able to make ends meet in order to finish my degree. If I hadn't had support from family, and the space to take in a housemate, I may have had to drop out of grad school and try to find work as an ABD, but I enlisted every resource I had available, and I made it across the finish line.

In 2015, PhD in hand, I landed that first dream job in Washington DC. I was 38 years old, single, with no savings, a 9-year old dependent, and $185K in student loans living in one of the most expensive metro areas in the US. This was just 8 years ago! It feels like a lifetime.

Since then, I have worked hard at building both my career and my balance sheet. Despite earning 6 figures/year, the cost of living in a safe neighborhood within walking distance of good public schools in DC made saving difficult. I maxed out my 401(k) match, saved the bulk of every bonus and tax refund check, and did my best to balance living well in the present with planning well for the future. In short, I tried to 'eat my own cooking' so to speak, and live by the advice I give to others.

When I began that first job, I drew up a long-term financial plan. That plan involved paying off my student loans over 20 years, saving diligently, and investing in real estate and equities to accumulate $2.5 Million by the age of 72, when I would retire.

I will tell you, though...when you're a single mother working full-time, the idea of not retiring 'till 72 is pretty damn tiring. But I was in it to win it, and I kept plugging away toward the goal. Many of my DC friends lived in million-dollar homes while I rented a 1,000 ft apartment to squirrel away cash. They ate at restaurants and I ate at home. I've kept my personal dream of a small house on a big plot of land with a garden and an orchard front-of-mind to motivate me. It has not been easy, and it has not been stress-free. It has, however, been very empowering. I live a beautiful, if simple, life, and I've built it with my own two hands.

In 2019, I had earned enough seniority and trust at my job to have full-time, remote work approved, and so I put a downpayment on a house in Bangor, Maine (close to my home town, family, and my daughter's childhood friends). Little did I know that this choice would save us from spending the COVID quarantine years in that tiny DC apartment. I spent four years making small, but meaningful, capital improvements, and few weeks ago, I sold that house for a 10X return on my downpayment in just 4 years!

WHAT'S THE POINT?

The point is that reaching financial freedom as a single person with dependents is HARD AF, and if you're living that life, I want to cheer you on as loudly as I can. Good investments and diligent savings DO pay off over time.

I share my journey because I want to make transparency more normal. I often feel as if my financial life is not as impressive as those around me with higher incomes and more assets, but then I remind myself that in just 8 years, I have saved a couple hundred thousand for retirement, paid down 90% of my debt, built a credit score over 800, and started a successful, and profitable small business. At the same time, I have sent my daughter to excellent schools, both public and private, and bankrolled a year of studying abroad in Japan - her long time dream. I also want to give a shout out to Graham Morehead for being a supportive and helpful ex-husband who made his own sacrifices of time and money to help our daughter live her dreams.

These past 8 years have been a time of investing in my future and my daughter's future, and I am well ahead of my timeline for saving and debt repayment at this point.

I'm also about to leave single parenthood behind...

This year, I became engaged to the love of my life who has also spent the past 10 years as a single parent, working hard to build up his own balance sheet. Together, we will be able to reach our goals much sooner than we could apart. Coupling up brings so much relief from the constant stress and pressure of doing it all alone. I loved the feeling of accomplishment that supporting myself and my daughter brought, but I am so grateful to be able to lay some of that burden down now and walk into my financial future with a partner who shares my values and my dreams.

This transition has me reflecting on the joys and trials of single parenthood, and the unique financial challenges that come with being the sole breadwinner for a household. Those of you walking the single-earner path toward financial freedom, I applaud you!

Those of you scraping by in order to give your kids the best opportunities possible, and still save for your own future, you are heroes!

It is hard enough to make ends meet as a couple, and those of you who are making it work single - you do not get enough credit for how long and arduous the path to freedom can be.

So, I'm just here to say, keep it up, and don't compare yourself with friends and neighbors who have more wealth, but also have more help! What you are doing, step by slow and steady step, is creating a stable future for yourself and your loved ones.

It is one of the most unseen and thankless paths, but I see you. You are awesome.

Keep Thriving!

-Sarah