Personal Leadership and the Freedom To Be Yourself

Freedom. Who does not want that?

I have never heard someone say: “No, I don't want to be free”. In our own way we all long to be free. But freedom can mean something different to everybody.

For some freedom means: 'Doing what I do, whenever I want to do it'. To someone else it means: 'Being myself and showing my real self to the outside world'. And to others freedom means: 'Being able to express my opinion without landing me in jail'.

In this article I want to talk about what freedom actually is, why it is so important and how you can be free. After reading it, I hope that you will be more conscious about what freedom means to you AND how you can experience more freedom in your life.

Freedom, what is it?

When I talk about freedom, I am talking about the freedom to be yourself, your true self, your whole self, your authentic self.

The freedom to be the person you want to be, NOT the person you think other people want you to be. The freedom to live the life you want and NOT living a life according to other people's expectations of you.

The freedom to discover who you are deep down inside AND the freedom to actually be that person and live life accordingly.

Just be yourself...

Lot's of HSP's don't feel that they can be themselves. They often feel like they are weird or strange, like there is something wrong with them and that people won't accept them the way they are.

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They don't feel free to do or act like they feel they want to deep down inside. So they push those feelings away, trying (sometimes desperately) to be the person they think others expect them to be, to be the person they think other people want or need them to be, to be the person other people can accept.

And that is astounding, because one could argue what could be easier than just being yourself...?

But...for many HSP's that does not come naturally. Most HSP's are mainly focussed on others, they want to help others, please others. They want to do so much good for other people, that the freedom to be themselves is one of the first things they sacrifice.

Can they go hand in hand?

They almost seem to be opposing concepts....being yourself and taking others into account....

One of my clients Marjolein put it like this: 'When I complain to my husband that I have so little time to myself, he simply tells me to fix it, to do something about it. But he doesn't seem to understand how guilty that makes me feel.'

'I can't say to my mom I won't visit her on Sunday when she is already alone so often?'

'I can't say to the children that I don't want to drive them to soccer practice, because it takes me at least 45 minutes?'

'And when I am at work and they ask me to stay an extra hour....well...if it wasn't absolutely necessary they would not ask me to stay...right?'

For Non-HSP's this often does not seem to be such a big deal. When you don't want to do something then don't do it, is what they say. If only it were that easy....

When I say 'No' I feel guilty...

And therein lies the problem. We CAN take the freedom to do what we want to do.....but when we do..... we feel GUILTY!!!

Such a horrible word, guilt. If that would not exist, then our lives would look so different. But alas we much prefer to do what others want us to do than what we would rather be doing, because otherwise we will feel guilty. And that would be really terrible ...

Saying 'No' sets you free

Freedom means that you are able to make your own choices that you support 100%. Even if those choices have consequences. Even when you feel guilty.

Freedom means sometimes saying no. No to someone else. Yes to yourself. If you won't allow yourself to say no every once in a while, you are not free to be yourself. You are not free to do things your own way.

The first thing you need to learn if you want to be your own person is saying no. And often we don't find that easy. But hey, you get used to everything right?

Freedom, why is it so important?

Freedom isn't important at all. It is no problem to always live your life according to other people's plans and wishes. You can go your whole life always doing what others expect of you.

Nobody will die if you live someone else's life. Nobody will make an issue out of it if you keep yourself trapped in the rules of others.

What do you want?

Unless......unless it is important to you. Unless you find it important to be yourself for whatever reason. To play by your own rules. To set your own course.

Then and only then, it is important. Me personally, I don't care how you live your life. As long as you are happy. As long as you can say at the end of the road: “Yes, this was my life. I lived it the way I wanted to. I have no regrets.”

You always have a choice....always...

Because this is my mission: To help as many HSP's as I can to be free to be themselves, to live the life that gives them unbridled joy, without shame, without guilt.

How you handle yourself, from the inside ... that is something you decide yourself. You and you alone. Therein you are completely free. That is your freedom.

It is your life. Yours and yours alone. And nobody has a say in that. Nobody! Not me, not your partner not your parents, not your children.... and definitely not your boss or your friends.

Whatever you choose...is fine...

I don't care how you live your life. I will never tell someone to choose themselves.

If you want to put yourself at the service of others, if that is your choice...then fine! You have my blessing. You have to decide for yourself. As long as it is your conscious choice. As long as it is what you desire, deep down inside. For whatever reason.

But if that is not the case, if you feel like you don't have a choice...then that's a whole different matter. Then I want to help you experience that you ALWAYS have a choice. Always.

Whatever happens in your life, you always have a choice in how to handle it and how you let it affect you. And that is a form of freedom that nobody can ever take away from you. Ever.

Being Free To Be Yourself, how do you do that?

It all starts with becoming aware when you do and do not feel free. We are so used to the people and situations in our lives, that we often don't even know if they are we choose them willingly or not.

I have created an exercise to help you increase your awareness with regards to your freedom.

Exercise:

Step 1: Awareness

Make a list of all the people and activities that you spend time on.

For instance your partner, children, parents, friends, coworkers etc. Or your sports, hobbies, work, studies, vacation etc.

Step 2: Rate Satisfaction

Then give each person or activity a number from 0-10. The number represents how satisfied you are about the relationship you have build with this person or how you fit this activity into your life. 0 is not satisfied at all, 10 is completely satisfied.

Step 3: separate satisfaction into yes/no

Put all the people an activities that scored low in step 2 (you decide what is low) on a separate. Now you have an overview of all the people and activities that you are not completely satisfied with.

Step 4: Rate Freedom

Now give each person or activity a number from 0-10 based on how free you feel to change the relationship or situation. 0 is not completely free, 10 is completely free.

Step 5: insight & action

For everything in step 4 that got a high score, this means you feel free to change it, think about how you would like to change it and then do it.

And for everything that scored low in step 4, ask yourself why you don't feel free to change it. And what would you need to feel free to change it?

Do what you want

You now have a clear overview of your feelings of freedom towards the people and activities in your life. What you do with it is up to you. But at least now you have something to work on should you want to.

Free To Be Me Experience

Do you actively want to practice to experience more freedom? Or do you long to be free to be yourself?

In November I will be launching my Free to be Me Experience. By using exercises, tools, tips, insight questions and all my best knowledge, I will teach you to take big steps towards your own freedom.

The result will be that you will become yourself more and more, and you will start to live the life that suits you best. In your own way, playing by your own rules, feeling proud of who you are.

Taking care of yourself

This is a big challenge for many HSP's. Taking care of others is part of our core being. But taking care of yourself, your dreams and your desires is something you can learn.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope to welcome you to the Free To Be Me Experience in November!

Love,

Barbera

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