Personal Leadership Boundaries!

Stand Up! What a powerful two words when said together… it represents strength, dignity, pride, honor, and grit! There are times in life when we feel compelled to Stand Up… standing for ourselves, our dignity, or to right an injustice. No one is exempt from injustice and the bumps and bruises that a job, relationships, life, and positions of leadership will deal out from time to time; Standing Up to defend and claim your sense of Personal Leadership or your position of leadership doesn’t promise to be pretty… sometimes it’s just necessary! If you decide to Stand Up… the goal is to come out the other side better not bitter!

First – The most important and guiding principal to remember before, during, and after you stand for your cause is… Remembering (in most cases) you have allowed it. Obviously, there are awful life-events that are beyond our control, however most of the things we are upset about are within our control and we allow them to happen to us regularly at work, in our relationship, with our children, and in our lives. You picked that job and continue to stay; accepting raises, promotions, and the perks, you picked your significant other as much as they picked you… and YOU continue to stay, you had your children and allow them their routine and ways in which they interact with you; I can go on… but I’m sure you understand. This first thing to acknowledge is… your consistent actions or inaction has compounded and led to where you are now, what you are receiving, and how you are feeling. So, before we stand, blame, and attack… this soul-searching first step acts to temper your response and allow your upcoming decisions to be beneficial not spiteful. Remember… People tend to treat YOU the way YOU allow!

Second – Raise Your Value! This step makes sense to do all throughout the process, but tremendously valuable after accepting personal responsibility for our lives and current standing in life and relationships. Before we decide to Stand Up, set boundaries, and make request… we benefit from knowing that greatness that resides inside of all of us, the personal attributes we value, and improving ourselves in the roles we play!

If you don’t know what you do Great, Good, and Need to improve on as a Person, Professional, Partner, and Parent… you need to! If you don’t know… get humble and ask… because the world, your significant other, your kids, and your boss all have an answer. Our job is not to defend or fight their answer, it is to listen in silence, evaluate the truth of their perspective… and choose to implement into our 4 P’s. Raising your value will lead you to feeling truly better about YOU, allow positive opportunities to come to you instead of you always chasing it, and increases your bargaining power in all relationships… as great character, great knowledge, and a great willingness is a combination that cannot be denied and will take you far in your current relationship with yourself, your partner, your job… or the next!

Third – Stand Up! Yes, there are times when “enough is just enough” when we are compelled to stand up, yell out, and make a scene. Hopefully you and I don’t have to be in too many of these situations. This Blog is not about those situations. Stand Up is number tree here… as it involves setting boundaries and advocating for yourself. Setting boundaries are personal and can be a tough thing to do; especially if it’s your first time or confrontation isn’t your thing. Whatever boundary you are setting, be sure it is reasonable, doable, and YOU ARE ABLE TO ENFORCE IT.

Is your boundary reasonable? You know the people in your life and in the job you work… is your new boundary reasonable for the way you know things to really be? For example: you want a raise, knowing you work in a company that is financially struggling. Is your Stand and Boundary doable for the people in your life… you know them, what they are capable of, and their beliefs… is your boundary doable for them? Lastly, are you able to enforce the new boundary? For example… your kids mouth back at you, you have stood and declared a new boundary. You punish them for a month of no cell phone, Fortnite, and no outside (as if kids go outside, Lol!). Now, they are in the house with you… driving you crazy, fighting with each other, and now you have a whole new problem to deal with that you didn’t expect. So, you let them have their games back to spare you the agony. Big Fail!!! We must be aware of our limitations as well as the people we want from; being able to assess our demands and boundaries reasonably for the situation, doable for who the people are, and enforceable by YOU. 

Fourth – Move Forward with Understanding. Remember, the “New You” is new to the “Old Them”. You have been processing this change within you, what you needed, what you wanted, you have read this article, and have been in the process of thinking, feeling, and doing… they have not! Or, they may have been doing their own process… and want and need the same or exact opposite from you! This new boundary is all new to them and came out of the blue like a Mack Truck! Just as you needed time to process… they (your job, partner, kids, etc.) may need time to adjust. They are not going to all of the sudden become or act like the picture you see, want, or think you deserve in your head.

It’s a new habit for them to create all of the sudden; they need to evaluate if they want to, the benefit or lack thereof, and stumble through this process as you are. This does not mean you lower your bar of expectation; it rather allows you full perspective and will save you frustration and rash decisions made out of emotion. It’s important to note; these are relationships we are talking about: co-workers, partners, kids, and parents … at any point… people can leave and so can you… and that’s a part of the process and has to be OK! Standing Up doesn’t promise to be pretty… sometimes it’s just necessary. If you decide it’s time for you to Stand Up… do your best to come out the other side “Better” not “Bitter”! Enjoy your EVOLUTION!!!

written by: Andre Young

www.youevolvingnow.com