It is Personal, it's Business

This is part of a series for me to get into the habit of exploring business thoughts on a regular basis. And to remove my perfectionists tendencies, I'm writing articles as if I'm talking to my teen son Gabriel. If any of this resonates with you- that's awesome. If you have more to add... please let me know your thoughts.

Dear Gabriel,

One of the phrases that drives me nuts is "it's not personal, it's business". It seems that any time I shared a story about how I hoped someone would treat me like a human being and they didn't, I would hear this reply. I guess it's supposed to make me feel better? Maybe it's the idea that they weren't intending to be jerks, but rather, this is a business decision. I call complete BS on this.

I think about the time I was laid off with no notice or severance, and my manager didn't reply to my request to write me a letter of recommendation. But he had the nerve to call me 2 weeks later asking me to help him locate some files. Or the time I was at a business meeting and the guy ignored me and kept inviting my male coworker to join him for golf or clay shooting.

My lesson #2 for you is that in fact, business is personal. You don't need to be best friends with everyone- but like we talked about last time, everyone is the hero of their own story. You may see them as "just" a barista, receptionist, or marketing coordinator but to them, they have "main character energy". Easy rule to live by- it doesn't take any extra effort to be kind. And in the business world how you treat people is a big part of your reputation.

I will give you some examples of the generosity I've experienced, so you know that my path hasn't only been littered with jerks. One of my closest friends is someone I met at a conference. I was feeling really down because I could not get anyone to hang out with me- partly because I wasn't with an "important" firm. I kept trying to network but people just kept dismissing me. But this one person talked to me. He then kept talking to me and replied to my follow up emails. As time passed, he invited me to join him at a group dinner he was hosting! It's been over 10 years and now, every time he's in Austin, he texts me and we meet up. He's so well-respected and important, but he always treated me as a whole person, even when I couldn't "do" anything for him.

Even though business seems to be a very logical activity- the secret is that most decisions are based on emotions, and then we find facts to back it up. If you ever get to read some of the work by Daniel Kahneman he talks a lot about the psychology of economics (he won the Nobel prize in economics for this). I'd argue that relationships start with honest curiosity- nothing transactional. And, when you're only taking to the "important people", that mindset shows. Giving someone dignity can happen even if you have to make hard economic decisions.

I'll share one secret with you. At a past firm, after a candidate left their interview, we'd ask the receptionist how they were treated. If they were gruff or rude in any way, they were not invited back. I'm not saying be kind to someone because it may lead to a job. I think you should strive not to correlate how you treat someone with where they are in the org chart. Just keep thinking "main character".

This piece of advice may seem like the most mom thing ever- but I really urge you to follow it. In fact, someone who isn't a mom really exemplifies this. And that person is my fave Ted Lasso. You can see in season one that this guy is amazing at connecting with anyone (the cab driver, the musician on the street) and later on, finds ways to deepen that connection. His innate curiosity of people and their "main character energy" is a big reason why he's so beloved. If he weren't such a great coach, I think he'd be amazing at business development!

Or, there is another phrase which also seems business related... something along the lines of the toes you step on the way will be connected to the behinds you kiss on the way down!

xoxo

Mom