Personal Energy Protocols for Being a Good Dad, Husband and High Performing Professional

Even before my second son was born, I knew my time would become incredibly scarce. I already held a reasonably senior role in Ness Digital Engineering a mid-sized, KKR-backed global software engineering services company, overseeing a broad engineering portfolio across multiple locations - meaning lots of responsibility, and even more work.

I truly love what I do. Solving hard business problems through software, maximising productivity of our engineering teams and working with brilliant minds for the world's most renowned brands. I can’t recall a day I woke up dreading work.

Plus, I also love winning - give me a goal, and I'll outwork everyone to achieve it. Early in my career, I could work 16 hours a day, seven days a week, coding, learning, and experimenting. You can call me a tireless builder with a plenty of inner motivation that keeps me going.

Now, as a father of two, that hustle isn’t feasible or desirable. I want to be with my family and watch my kids grow.

All of these father duties that include waking multiple times a night to feed or comfort a toddler affected my ability to be both - a high performer at work and a loving, present dad.

So, I began to look for an answer to how I can cope with this new chapter of my life. Kids, work, my personal ambition and appetite to be successful and provide to my family. I concluded that to make all this work I need to achieve maximum optimization of my energy levels. Energy determines everything. My inner motivation, my willingness to take an action, to continue building.??

I started exploring energy management right after my first son (now 3yo) was born. But now, with second baby in the mix, I had to take it to another level. This text will walk you through what I learned and what I do.

Note that I am far from being an expert on this topic. These are simply techniques that I use and that work for me. Some of them may even be a placebo. But I feel good enough about them to share them with you.

In retrospect what I found the most transformational for me was turning the concept of human energy into something tangible. After some research and deliberate oversimplification I started to look at human energy as if it was a thing. A molecule of Adenosine Triphosphate - ATP.

I started to think of ATP as the unit of my energy, its primary currency. The amounts of it and ability to use it being determinant of my success in my personal and professional life.

As I started to dig deeper into this, I soon realised that the amount of energy that I have is somewhat deterministic. It’s mostly about hormones and chemistry equations. It's about understanding how ATP generation, storage and use works and doing maximum to positively influence it.

Technically, ATP comes from processes like cellular respiration (glucose + oxygen → carbon dioxide + water + ATP). But the human body is complex. What gives you energy one moment might drain it the next (think sugar highs and crashes).

I began viewing my days in terms of maximising energy generation and minimising energy loss. In my view, there're two factors that influence about 90% of my energy levels.

Sleep and food.

And that’s it. You can finish here; I told you the best kept secret that you most likely already know.

Based on my experience (and very subjective assumption), sleep impacts up to at least 60% of my energy levels, food 30% and the remaining 10% I can positively influence with all sorts of techniques and bio hacks.

To make this blog most impactful (and not painfully long), I will zero in on sleep, and, in case this text attracts at least a couple of readers, I will expand further on other areas in future blogs.

I counted 13 things I do somewhat regularly that help me keep my sleep restorative enough to maintain my energy at levels which allow me to switch contexts frequently, make decisions and stay creative despite having plenty of work, 2 little kids and no nanny or parent in law who's always around:

• Getting as much sun exposure as possible, right after I wake up
• Less coffee and more Guarana
• Physical activity at least twice a week
• Screen management - no screen at least 30 minutes before and after sleep, eliminating blue light after dusk
• No food at least 3 hours before sleep
• No alcohol
• A hot shower before sleep
• Maximum darkness at night
• Staying at least 7,5 hours in bed
• Preventing sleep debt from accumulating
• Quality pillow
• Maintaining regular sleeping patterns
• Measuring quality of my sleep

But I’ll be honest with you, number one I rarely do all of them everyday. Number two, sometimes it all goes off the table when days and nights are too demanding.

And of course, you can ask – man, what are you trying to tell me, I have a newborn, I wake up multiple times a night, how the hell can I optimise my sleep. Coffee is the only thing that keeps me awake.

Look, do you want to be a supportive husband, partner, and dad who is actually present while also not giving up on your personal ambitions? Well, then you’d better try hard and optimise to squeeze the maximum out of your sleep each day.

Among the first principles I started to recognise was that there’s an incredibly direct relation between how I feel right now, regardless of what time it is, and my last night’s sleep.

Because of Adenosine.

Adenosine is a product of ATP. As you go through your day and deploy your energy, your ATP gets transformed to adenosine that builds up in your body. The more adenosine the sleepier you feel. Once your adenosine level reaches a certain threshold your brain starts to signal to your body that it’s time to clear it out. It’s time to sleep. Then, as you sleep your body takes your adenosine and converts it back to ATP.

If you feel tired now there’s a chance that your adenosine reached a threshold level, and maybe it would have not reached it at this very moment if you have slept better last night.

Quality of our sleep is largely impacted by what we do throughout the day time and it all starts from the early morning.

Now let me walk you through my current sleep protocol:

GETTING AS MUCH SUN EXPOSURE AS POSSIBLE RIGHT AFTER WAKING UP

Waking up triggers a natural rise in cortisol (stress hormone) and a drop in melatonin (hormone that takes care of your circadian rhythm and makes you fall asleep), preparing your body and mind for the day ahead. Morning sunlight accelerates this process, boosts alertness, and even improves your sleep for the next night.

What I do is I wake up and go immediately outside on my terrace or simply just pull myself out of window and start looking at the sky, hunting for sunlight.

If I can see the sun I try to look directly into it for a while, it's uncomfortable the first few tries, but your eyes get use to it after some time. All of that together takes ideally 20 minutes, but sometimes it's just 5. Regardless, it helps me wake up and start my day. Secondarily, exposure to sunlight accelerates creation of serotonin – hormone of happiness. So I not only get alerted quicker but I even feel a little bit happier.

LESS COFFEE AND MORE GUARANA

Coffee and caffeine block adenosine receptors and prevent it from doing its thing – making you sleepy and thus, they make you feel more awake. But remember, they do not clear out your adenosine. As you metabolise all the caffeine, the adenosine that was previously blocked now floods your receptors and here you go – you feel extremely tired. These "caffeine crashes" can hit hard.

Don’t get me wrong. I used to live on 6 - 10 espresso shots after the first baby. With two little boys though and more on my professional shoulders, these caffeine crashes started to hurt more. I can't handle them. While I get energy boost for 2-3 hours caffeine crashes me so much that I constantly crave for sleep – or alternatively, for another coffee. The reality is that even another coffee is barely working now as my body is used to caffeine. The state I gradually got to was that I was just drinking coffee and felt extremely tired all the time.

I replaced coffee with Guarana, which has 2-4x more contents of caffeine per gram and metabolises much slower. The result is – more energy for a longer period and without a noticeable caffeine crash.

I either drink guarana shakes or take guarana capsules (https://gymbeam.com/energy-caps-gymbeam.html or https://gymbeam.com/guarana-gymbeam.html). Firstly, I combined it with coffee but then I stopped drinking coffee regularly. That sucks because I love coffee, but results matter more…

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY, WEIGHTLIFTING AND CARDIO AT 130 BPM

The amount of physical activity has a direct impact on the quality of your sleep and ATP you generate. I hired a personal trainer and do a strength training twice a week for an hour before my work day. On these days I purposefully schedule activities of high importance as most of the time I feel my brain just works better after morning's exercise.

Additionally, I go for a single 5k run over the weekend. Yes, ideally it would be more, but it’s still better than nothing. Nights after I exercise are particularly good too.

When I don't go for a run, I am at least strolling with my son at a pace that keeps my heart rate at about 130 BPM - a sweet spot that's also toddler friendly.

Over time, repeated exercise enhances cardiovascular efficiency and promotes the growth of new mitochondria that are foundational for ATP production.

SCREEN HYGIENE - NO SCREEN AT LEAST 30 MINUTES BEFORE AND AFTER SLEEP, ELIMINATING BLUE LIGHT AFTER DUSK

Screens emit blue light that makes your brain feel that it’s daytime. This is problematic especially during evenings as it negatively impacts your circadian rhythm by suppressing melatonin. But there’s a way to work around this, as a Mac OS or iPhone user you may be aware of a “night shift” mode that reduces the screen's blue light and brings in more red.

iPhone offers one more accessibility feature with which you can go even further and practically get rid of the blue light completely.

Red light has vastly lower impact on your melatonin production and therefore once it gets darker outside I set my iPhone screen to red. Plus I don't carry phone into my bedroom. I don’t have studies that would provide any reason for it, but I simply don’t do it. At least it guarantees I will not be exposed to any screen in bed.

Then, in the morning, for the first 30 minutes of my day I avoid screens at all, not only because of blue light but also I find it helpful to play it slow in the morning.

I make sure that the first light that I am exposed to in the morning is sunlight and then I focus on my morning family time, breakfast, shower, keeping head as clean as possible before I switch my hustle mode on by opening up my email inbox.

NO FOOD AT LEAST 3 HOURS BEFORE SLEEP

Digestion ramps you up when you should be winding down. Eating before sleeping messes all things up. Digestion has a negative impact on REM (rapid eye movement) sleep which is crucial for memory and quality brain function.?So I aim at finishing my dinner at least three hours before I go to bed.

I remember having a difficult time getting to bed hungry. It felt unnatural. To fight it, I used to drink a cup (sometimes even more cups) of water, and the feeling of hunger faded away. Gradually, this is no longer the case and e.g. if I eat my last dish at 6 PM and go to sleep at 10 PM I am not hungry at all. My body got used to the new routine. No more water tricks needed.

And now, for me, not eating before bed has become a foundational prerequisite for achieving quality sleep.

Additionally I started to be more cautious about the amount of fluid I intake in the evening. With these night time baby feedings I used to have too many bathroom trips when I drank too much water - waking me up unnecessarily. Water management plays an important role as well.

NO ALCOHOL, THERE’S NO “HEALTHY” AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL

This cannot surprise anyone, simply don’t drink if you want a restorative sleep. Even a single glass of any alcohol has a negative impact on your overall sleep and in particular REM. There’s no way you get a quality sleep that fully replenishes your ATP after any amount of alcohol.

I try to avoid alcohol as much as possible, but I don't consider myself an abstinent. In fact I love experiences and good vibe that alcohol can create but I'm quite picky for when I allow it to enter my system.

A HOT SHOWER BEFORE SLEEP

Hot water elevates your body temperature, alleviate muscle tension and reduces stress. Additionally, as you step out of the shower, your body starts cooling down, mimicking the natural temperature drop that occurs when you fall asleep. There are studies confirming that body’s exposure to water of ±40 C before sleep has a positive impact on reducing sleep latency (how quickly you fall asleep) and quality. I do this regularly and I think it works.

DARK SETTING FOR SLEEP

I strive for having a complete darkness in my bedroom, quality blackout curtains that don’t allow any sun to go in until I wake up. That's quite handy if I wake up at e.g. 3 - 4 AM, it helps me fall back into sleep much quicker. Plus I feel my sleep is somewhat better when I'm in complete darkness.

AT LEAST 7,5 HOURS IN BED.

Firstly, in my case 7,5 hours in bed usually equals to 6,5-7 hours a sleep. Almost every night there’s a period when I'm awake, mostly it's all the stuff mentioned earlier - bottle feeding, bathroom trips but they are also random awakenings happening between sleep cycles (1 cycle = 90 minutes). Less than 7,5 hours in bed will ultimately lead to less than 6,5 hours of a sleep and that’s not enough for me.

PAYING OFF SLEEP DEBT REGULARLY

When I stay up too late, I know I’ll pay for it. If I’m feeling sleepy at night – but there’s this one more thing I want to finish, most of the time I rather choose sleep and benefit from every extra minute of it that I get.

The extra energy I get from more sleep enables me to catch up on things I am falling behind the day after.

I try to go to sleep every day between 10:30 PM – 11:00 PM and wake up at 6:30 AM / aiming for 7,5 – 8 hours in bed every night.?

SLEEP ROUTINE

It is a well known fact that regularity of sleep is important. 7 hours of sleep that regularly starts at the same time of a day make you feel more energetic than an 8-hour sleep in a week where your sleeping pattern is not consistent.

While it is a habit that I personally find hard to achieve, and still haven’t mastered it fully I clearly see the difference that shows up after 3rd day of a sleeping pattern streak.

Setup your alarm clock so that it rings 30 minutes before your bedtime telling you it’s time to start winding down, brush your teeth and lay down. A reverse alarm that doesn’t wake you up but tells you to go to sleep!

QUALITY PILLOW

I think quality pillows are quite important, don’t have any science backing this up but I think we can agree that the better the pillow the better the sleep. I personally like TEMPUR pillows, these work for me quite nicely: https://uk.tempur.com/pillows/browse-by-collection/classic-pillows-UKI83400146.html

MEASURING THE QUALITY OF SLEEP

I got an OURA ring (https://ouraring.com) from my wife for my birthday and I use it every day. It’s very accurate in measuring my sleep performance, I certainly can see the differences if I break any of the protocols above. Late night dish, Oura shows me, a glass of wine before sleep – my REM is impacted. If you like numbers same as I do, OURA can quantify your sleep quality and in particular measure your progress in attempting to get the most out of it.

And this is it.

This is what I do to maximise the efficiency of my sleep - the key contributor towards my energy levels which I find essential for succeeding in the game of life. I rarely manage to stick to all of these all the time. Sometimes I either screw my routine deliberately or simply cannot adhere to it (which is basically the same). But most of the time I try to follow as much of them as possible.

And yes, if I wake up 4 times a night because of my toddler it inevitably hurts my sleep quality no matter how hard I try.

But in spite of this, by consistently applying this "protocol", I can often achieve acceptable sleep that generates enough ATP for me to go through my day, stay positive, motivated and ready for action.

And that makes a big difference for me.