Persistently pursue perfection!

It was during the early hours of this morning, 22nd July 2021, as I lay awake whilst everyone else in the house was gently snoring, that I came to certain realizations. I am no insomniac, however, I am a night owl, meaning I am more productive in the still of the night than I am during the hustle and bustle of the day. I realized that I had so may dreams to pursue; so may objectives to realize, and so much to accomplish that I had no option but to persistently pursue perfection.

By now, the old Brenda would have lamented the fact that 'aesthetically', our home is a far cry from what it used to be; that there is so much degradation in the general appearance of our street; that the informal settlement across the road from our house has grown so exponentially, that what was once referred to as 'Mpuku Street', is no longer recognizable and that the litter which lines our street in heaps, poses an imminent threat to the health of the children who, oblivious to the filth and its hazards, continue to play the games we too, played as children.

The old Brenda would have worried about the fact that the Wardle Park has been utterly and completely destroyed and desecrated; that her evergreen shrubs had either gone up in smoke or were possibly uprooted; that her rose garden had been cruelly flattened, but surprisingly, all these somewhat superficial things have not moved the new me since my arrival on 1st July 2021.

I am however, deeply concerned about the state of our roof, about the fact that the clay tiles followed the fascia board and flew off, breaking, when there were gale force winds in East London a week and a half ago. I am even more concerned about the 80% chance of rain predicted for today, which means that were it to rain, we might have to seek alternative accommodation. But, instead of lamenting all these things I started praying for a second night in a row. I asked God to hold off the rain. I could have kicked myself for prayer alone without action, does not normally yield results. What I ought to have done, having watched the weather forecast almost three days ago and in the full knowledge that an 80% chance was predicted, was to have taken positive steps to ensure that we at least get a plastic sheet to cover the gaping portion of the roof or better still, replace the broken tiles and the fascia board. This I did not do.

Now, whilst the gaping roof might be but an example of things having gone wrong on the home front, it is symbolic and but a metaphor in this piece for the stage I am going through in my personal life. I have urgent needs which can be equated to the gaping hole in the roof, immediate needs which require patching and very important needs which demand resolution. I have milestones at the end of this month to scratch off as accomplished; more critical ones before the end of August which I have no option but to solve and similarly, by the end of September and October, obligations which I must discharge. Only thereafter will I be able to breathe again, to exhale again and to worry about the rose garden, the park, or whatever shadow the park shall become of its former self. Until then, the gaping hole in the roof both figuratively and literally, needs my immediate attention.

Perfection, in its purest form is very difficult if not impossible to achieve, however, one has to be persistent in pursuit of an ideal either inimical to perfection or very close to it in degree. Prioritization and micro-scheduling thus becomes important. For the preceding four years I had kept a diary of events as they had unfolded and at times I would update this diary each fifteen minutes where there was a need. If I felt unwell and feared I might not wake up the next morning, I would detail my symptoms in minute fashion and pen telling notes on my physical, psychological and spiritual state at the time. Simultaneously, I would chart out clearly, what it is which I needed to achieve the next day; the next week; the next month as well as what my long-term goals and strategies were. To many, I appeared to have no vision. Everyone around me assumed that I was fumbling in the dark yet I remained persistent as I pursued my perfection. I slacked in keeping up this habit of diary entries from 1st July 2021, but started again yesterday.

After I had written my 108th book, I suddenly realized that self-publishing was indeed a tall order and that I had to do something to lighten the load. Proof reading, developmental editing, pure editing etcetera, are all tasks which come at great cost to the indie author, especially one who is as driven as I am. So, two or so months ago I decided to write to some of the best universities in South Africa; the United Kingdom, as well as the United States of America. I wanted especially those with 'formidable' English Departments, to assist with editing, proof-reading and related functions and for these tasks, I expressed a desire for the involvement of willing post graduate students who specialize in creative writing. None of them have responded as yet but I have no doubt that at the very least, one of them shall. Of course there is the added complication that I had to make 'full and frank disclosures' about past 'warts' and issues which should not ordinarily matter, but I did so in order to ensure there I do not succeed at first, only to have support or assistance withdrawn later. In the interim of course, especially with my book titles which are in high demand, I had to ensure that at least those 'sellers' are edited at great expense to my 'pocket.'

Being a self-published author is thus not easy, however, it is a craft which is deeply rewarding and cathartic, especially if like me, you also delve into autobiographical renditions and narratives for, once written about, the yoke becomes less heavier. I realized this when it became clear that I would not be able to afford to contract someone to design my websites and I went ahead and designed all three websites to wit ww.brendawardle.com, www.thebookemporium.co.za and www.thewardlecollegeoflaw.co.za myself. I simply purchased the domains, went for hosting packages, purchased a reasonably easy MyWebsite Creator package, put my shoulder to the wheel, designed and published. They might not be perfect but, for a novice who knows nothing about website development and design, I did not do too badly.

My intention of course is to write a weekly blog but, knowing that were I to have set that up on my personal website, I would have ended up editing the website first, trying again to achieve perfection, worrying about search engine optimization and all these weird and wonderful things. I thus opted to pen an article here instead, especially given the fact that I can always add the hyperlink to the websites later. Struggling and strife are great teachers and just when you think something is a need, you realize it is but nothing but a want. On one's journey to perfection are many lessons to be learnt, the greatest being that placing reliance on yourself is by far the best solution.

As human beings we are not islands of course and we do require love, support and help along the way. Accept help and ask for it where needed and absolutely critical, bearing in mind that you might have to bear the brunt later. Not everyone who helps does it kindly and you might have to live with having your nose rubbed in it, fingers pointed in your face, at times, you will even have to tolerate being spat at with cruel reminders that you were once on your knees groveling. Remember, once you do succeed, for your own peace of mind, rid yourself of any and all obligations to people first, for whatever struggles you might have to endure, including hunger, the cold, financial hardship, when there are no demands being made, things are infinitely better and strife becomes a tad more bearable. And, once you survive all that and emerge victorious, it becomes a struggle well-fought. However, battles with human beings and being hounded by creditors and the like, will strip you of whatever inherent dignity you might know you have.

And as I reach the end of what largely is an article directed at myself for my own encouragement as well as for others who are similarly-placed - I am haunted by the lessons both my parents so painstakingly tried to instill in me - 'neither a lender nor a borrower be', invest 1/3 of your earnings whilst young, blow 10% of what you have earned on something which you truly and absolutely love, contribute another 10% to the household, albeit you are living with us, your parents, have only one clothing account in order to build up a good and healthy credit history; use monthly subscription shares to save your money and once you have saved up enough, move your money to the likes of Syfrets Bank (at the time); pursue education until you are no longer able to, for whatever hardships you might experience in later life, educational qualifications will always be your saving grace in landing employment or running a business in that field; do not concentrate at all on marriage and the like for you will invest years of your life in someone only for them to walk away, leaving you broken and unable to function. Whatever you do, no matter where in life you might land up, remember to represent us as your family. So, even if you end up as a homeless person on the streets, when you open your mouth, leave the person passing you a piece of bread with the lingering impression that whilst you might be desperate, down and out - you come from a home where you were well raised with key features being politeness and good manners.

Remember too that there shall always be detractors, those who will give you one million reasons why you will never make it, why you are a pariah, why certain companies and institutions will have no interest in dealing with your ilk. If you're half as head-strong as I am, you shall not listen to such naysayers. When one journalist told me I would never be used by UK-based channels for legal analysis because I did not attend a private school, I laughed and scoffed and a few weeks later, I was. A week or so ago another journalist told me I would never be invited to write a regular column, almost a day later as though the universe was proving him wrong, I was invited to do so and I actually might.

Some had thought that my days as a legal analyst were over - even I had come up with a contingency plan in the event of that occurring, that of launching my own YouTube Channel (The Verdict) - a dream I have had for the longest time, yet, when the invitations came - I was able to say, not yet, give me three months to pick up the pieces and to get my life back together again and I shall gladly do so at a fee. It is all about knowing your value and worth. Am I concerned that every once in a while I still need to explain the fact that I am legally qualified and that I have never masqueraded as an attorney or advocate, not at all. Ultimately, I know my truth. It is verifiable proof so having to deal with the odd naysayer once in a while, is really not a tall order. Similarly, no creditor of mine will have any success attempting to embarrass me. It is for this reason that within the next three months I aim to be totally debt free so that when I reach dizzying heights, no one is there to try and drag me down.

For those who threaten, abuse and harass, there is an interdict and the law shall follow its course. So, are there things which worry me - yes of course. I was perturbed yesterday when I had to postpone my GPs appointment to next week; I was even more concerned because I had to delay seeing the cardiologist by another ten days. As I posed for a selfie needed by SARS I almost cried when my granddaughter said, 'Granny I am sorry to say this, but your hands do not look good at all. Your face looks bright but your hands are navy, almost black.' When I stared down at my hands I realized that there were cyanotic and cold. Similarly, when she took off my shoes, my feet too were cyanotic. It is in that vein that I was worried that I was forced to postpone seeing my doctors. Be that as it may, I continue taking my medication, avoiding stress as much as I can and am hurriedly working at resolving my problems.

I aim only for perfection and if I fall short and end up only with brilliance, I shall be pleased nonetheless.