Persistence

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." Thomas Edison

I found myself in the most peculiar position last year. My day to day parenting was coming to a fast close. The youngest was going to be a junior in high school. The other two were already out of high school and pursuing their course of study. That left me, a very intentional parent, with a gaping "what next" hanging over her head.

Yes, what exactly is next? I stared in the mirror wondering when had aliens abducted me and replace me with a fat, middle age lady? For the last 20 years or more, I had dedicated myself to be the very present parent. By being a present parent, that meant I purposely left a career and did work that many would call underemployment. My family depended on me to help make ends meet financially. In fact, for many months on end, I was the only steady income.

What exactly did I do? I realized quickly, that I personally could not give emotionally to my most important gift, my son, and teach in the inner city simultaneously. So, I left the world of teaching and became a Home Day Care Provider. Instead of a classroom of 27, I now had a house of six children under the age of 5, only 1 of which was potty trained. I had days on days on days of diaper changing assembly lines. Change, wipe, wash hands repeat.

But, my goal was to be the one to pick up my son from his nap. Success. Along came sibling, baby number 2. She and my son were born almost 3 years apart to the day! Great planning, unless you knew that their birthdays are in December, one being 3 days before Christmas. By this time, our insurance only allowed a 24 hours stay after delivery in the hospital. I was home almost as quickly as this one was born- 3 pushes and boom, there she was! This one was so different than my first born. Well, for starters she was a girl! She came out of the womb facing the door and screaming ... and as a foreshadowing of personalities, hasn't changed much in her 19 years!

Two weeks after she was born, I was back doing day care. My husband was still building a real estate business, so my income was a necessity. Two weeks... how on earth did I do that? Especially since this little one was delivered so fast her nose had a deep crease causing her to snort. I was worried she wasn't able to breathe, so for the first six weeks, I slept sitting upright on the couch holding her. Rugged, I know. But, I did it. I continued on the intentional parenting path. Then, when number 2 was ten months old, I discovered I was pregnant. What? Wait, I can only get pregnant in the month of March. Well, that was what I deluded myself with anyway. These babies would only be 19 months apart. Sigh. Continued on with day care. Of course, the more kids you have, the less income you are able to earn. Our home was licensed for 6. Until my kids turned 7, they were part of the numbers counted by the state. So, very tight money squeezes. But, we managed. I persisted on being the mom to get her babies up from their naps, to snuggle with them, to teach them, and to love them. I would do that all over again- and wish I could relive some of those sweet moments of play, and books, and smooshie warm cheeks.

But, grow they did. I eventually found employment outside of the house as they got older and were close to school age. But, as most moms will tell you, the cost of day care is prohibitive, unless you have an executive level pay. That leaves working early or late or with a company that has onsite day care. OHHH... yeah! So, on to the health club. I would work the 5am shift, my husband would drop the girls, number three was a girl, off to the health club child care on his way to work. I then would finish my shift and off to home we would go! And, so it went, a succession of jobs designed to move around the growth of my children while maintaining the focus of being a present parent.

I remember in the early days of day care and young babies longing for a female neighbor with which to have a cup of coffee and conversation. Instead, I got telemarketers. I would feel so bad for them, they wouldn't make a sale, but had to talk to me for 15 minutes. Where are you calling from, what is the weather like? etc. The early days of day care were before the dial up internet.. I can still hear the AOL dial and connection sounds in my head! I did frequent the library and book stores. I remember one year, I felt like I gave myself a Master's degree. I read every single book that Dr. Thomas Stanley wrote on the Millionaire Mind- and took notes. I put those ideas to work when I became the Rummage Sale chair for the Christian school my children attended. Let's just say, I tweeked a really good sale into a great sale. The last year I was in charge, our one day sale made $17,000.00 dollars. We reached that number twice in one year. However, finances at home were not so good, so we moved our kids to the public schools. Not bad, just different.

Still with the intent on being a present parent, I worked my way back in to the school setting. Lunch lady, substitute teacher, and then working with high school kids. Now, there is where my real education began! I learned more about pop culture, music, and the angst of teens than I ever dreamed I wanted to know! Holy Cow. I love these kids. They talk to me. I have been privy to the goings on in the social scenes, the aftermaths of parties, the parent troubles, the legal troubles, the emotional upheavals of youth. These students pushed me to write a blog about these conversations. I love writing- but technology scared me. I channeled a Richard Branson motto, "Screw it just do it" and I did. They beg me to write more about our conversations. Who knew it would become such a highlight?

But, this all brings me to the alien abduction and replacement of myself with a fat, old middle age lady. I had been removed from the work force ladder climb. So, I started walking. Naturally, the progression right? I started to move. I started to read. I put away my favorite authors and novels. I picked up Mentors such as Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, Anthony Robbins, Jim Collins, Les Brown and The Bible. I had to rework my cognitive belief system. I am worthy of success- originally, the focus was on financial success. I am worthy has morphed into a whole new set of confidences that are creating new paths.

What really created a shift: Darren Hardy's very brief discussion on the Reticular Activating System(RAS). I will write about that on another day. But, the RAS revolutionized my thoughts. I carry around note cards and read them out loud to myself. The impact of these new self messages will be felt years from now. How could a mom go from intentional parenting to intentional living and life design. Persistence.

I continued to walk and added a nutrition program. I studied the habits of successful people. I have made it a habit to get up at 5:20am, to be out the door walking in all kinds of weather before heading to work. The consistent dedication to nutrition and walking has resulted in losing 35 pounds. I now say I am aging in reverse. The old middle age lady I saw in the mirror was replaced with a vibrant young thinking and very in shape woman of non descript age. My motto has become #smallstepsbigchanges! I put a picture of the person I wanted to look like in my calendar. I won't say who, at the moment, but it had to be someone near my age who has aged beautifully. The 35 pounds lost translates into inches off waist, hips, and legs. Persistence.

I am developing a teaching model for what I have studied and used to create these changes, physically and academically . It isn't for the faint of heart, but the determined to win. I tweeted out to Darren Hardy after a brutal walk in six degree weather, " I embraced the suck." He actually responded! If you are interested in learning more about my story, I am also working on my public speaking skills. I think there are more women, and maybe men, who have lost their way on 'What next?" This isn't about finding your passion for work, but it is about finding your passion for living and life design. Persistence.

Have a great day, Carrie