Permission Granted

Last week was a challenging week, as my father lost 7 pounds within days, and I wasn't prepared to see the numbers on the scale, it was shocking. I visit more often now, but the demands of the day, and being a caretaker, created a perfect storm of exhaustion. Whatever I do, I do it to the fullest of my ability, with no excuses, but that means I go full drive, with limited putting my foot on a brake. On a day I went to visit my father I spoke with his nurse, who loves him daily, and she said this, "you look worried, your dad is OK", what she meant was, I love him, others do as well, and you need to take time to breathe. It's funny that I create, "Just Breathe" restrooms for nurses, so they can catch their breath at work, and take a moment before they arrive and before they leave for the day. I value the rooms I create, because I create them with love and respect. The very thing I created for others I couldn't provide for myself. I felt guilty to breathe, and not be there every moment he is breathing, but the reality is I can't. As a caretaker it's a struggle between the sadness of the situation, having obligations outside of the situation, and then not being present in the situation. It's six eggs in one hand and a half of a dozen in the other, but all the eggs are cracking. The reality is exhaustion led the way and I needed to rest, my father's nurse provided me with loving, acceptable, grace filled rest. As a Patient Experience professional colleagues and staff are helping us make it happen, but do we see the very people who are around us, could we spot exhaustion, pain, worry, or just sheer heartache. I was so thankful for someone giving me the permission I couldn't give myself. Who can you give permission to?