Permission to dance

"Technically, it felt right but I'm getting the sense that you are waiting for me to lead you and there is a bit of hesitation. Remember, you are an independent entity - you are responsible for your own momentum - I can't move you or lead you if you are not in motion. You are responsible for WHERE you are going. I am responsible for WHAT you do on your way there. Let's try it again, but this time, be more intentional about where you are going - Look at where you are going - arms up, weight forward. Let's go!"

It was a small tweak, but the difference was massively profound. My salsa teacher then asked me how that went, and I responded, whilst catching my breath: "That was fun." And I was a little taken aback with the words that fell out of my mouth and how it felt. It was fun... It wasn't just fun for me, because I was no longer wondering where I was going, it was also fun for my partner because she no longer had to babysit me. She could reliably predict where I would land, trust I would receive and respond to her cues, and prepare for her next move instead of wondering if I was going to wobble and save me.

"Where are you going? Are you looking at where you're going? If you're looking at the floor, you will land on the floor. Look up, and look straight, and that is where you will go." - wisdom from my salsa teacher.

Just over a year ago, I had found myself hitting a wall. I knew something had to change, but I did not know what that was. I was feeling flat, frustrated and I felt myself blaming. The only person that could change how I felt was me - no one else. Something told me that change was coming, and that I would no longer have forever to embark on the things I had fantasized about being involved in. So with that in mind, I decided I no longer had the luxury of waiting:

• I started writing again, and I became more visible about the topics that brought me joy (and learned that people I had lost touch with, were then able to connect with me)
• I set an intention to reconnect/connect with people who made an impression on me in career and life. So I wrote a list of people, reached out to them, and connected over coffee, a meal or a call. I have reconnected with 27 out of 48 people thus far and I have found this deeply fulfilling.
• I decided that I was going to share my Excel knowledge with whomever would listen and there were listeners ... and hungry learners :)
• I outsourced my exercising to a personal trainer, and then I stopped.
• I started taking long walks on the weekend and let it take me where it took me
• I started seeing an executive coach, and we worked through the issues that surfaced in the week (this has been a catalyst in my transformation)
• I started talking to my husband about our financial goals, and family goals and we formulated a shared plan (and I felt the anxiety about our future subsided)
• I started salsa dancing again. I finally felt okay with having private classes with a salsa teacher (this would not have happened, had I not saw a personal trainer to work through my need to hide in the crowd in my learning journey). I am also working my way towards going to salsa dance events again

The more that I've sat wondering about the different paths that life could take me, the more I've realised that I no longer have time to wonder about the results. If I had not pursued the thing that has been nagging me inside, the window of momentum would close, and I would still be stuck on the "what-ifs". What I learned this last year was that the person whom I've been waiting to be given permission from has not been my boss, nor my ex-boss, nor my husband, nor my parents, nor my friends...It would help to have their approval and support, but ultimately, I needed to give myself permission to get clear, and ask for the things I wanted - and to follow through.

Asking for permission is a very tricky thing, because you face the risk of rejection, but if you never ask you will always wonder - and the person that you will end up resenting will not be the person you think you need permission from, but rather yourself because you never gave yourself permission: the permission to fail, to learn or to succeed.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

May you find grace and purpose in the limited time you have on earth, peace that it will all unfold as it should, courage to be seen and heard and the permission to give yourself to the dance!

#crossbodysalsa #dance #intention #purpose #fulfillment #permission #personaldevelopment