Perish the Thought
Martin Kettelhut, PhD - Clarity Catalyst
To fulfilling even more of your truth
Several LISTEN …Till You Disappear readers recently told me that, whereas they expected the book to consist of tools and techniques for becoming a better listener (which it is, at one level), they were surprised to find so much more to it as well:?
All of which involve listening … to oneself, to others, and to the universe. To be able to hear the noise and the beauty at all these levels, it is critical to declutter (your mind and your space) and focus (on what’s important).
The following is an exercise from LISTEN … Till You Disappear, for loosening a recurring thought/emotion’s grip on you.
(1) Identify the thought.
First, take a moment to reflect on which thought you’d like to stop thinking. Choose one thought to work with for now. It’s usually a judgment, often emotionally charged, that’s preventing you from moving forward, seeing the bigger picture, and thinking creatively. Yours might be something like:
Once you’ve selected the thought you will work with first, write it down, circle it and take a few deep breathes to create room inside yourself to examine this thought.
(2) Cost-Benefit Analysis.
This thought would not be recurring in your mind, and you would not tolerate it doing so if you weren’t getting something out of it. This may be tough to see at first, but try on that: you get to avoid certain bad things (fear, blame, confusion) and/or you get certain good things (safety, comfort, status quo) out of having this thought.
For example, by insisting that no one understands me, I insulate myself. By worrying about something, I dodge constructive action.
Once you’ve written down what you get out of it, take a look at what you don’t get as long as you have that thought (i.e., what it costs you). For example, by thinking I’m too scatterbrained to get anything done, I lose out on opportunities, self-respect, productivity, and fun. By thinking that the kids will never learn, I miss out on energy, power, connection, and love.
The costs can be enormous. Write them down under the thought you're letting go of.
(3) Take action to let go.
The next step of letting go of this thought is to create something that expresses what it’s like for you to have the thought.
You could draw a picture, compose a piece of music, dress a doll, make a collage, sculpt in modeling clay, or write a poem. In some way, shape, or form (outside your mind), express what it’s like to have this thought.
The thought is not you; you are not the thought. Until you literally see it as separate from you, it will continue to mingle unconsciously with all of your experiences. These are the kind of thoughts that run our lives without us knowing it, making important decisions for us, influencing how we behave, who we (don’t) hang out with, how we spend our time, what we eat and drink, etc.
Embodying a recurring thought/feeling in something outside yourself gives you the opportunity to put it down, talk about it objectively, examine your feelings, play with perspectives, and ultimately walk away from it. Or, you could remain its slave.
The degree to which you are willing to …
… is the degree to which you accelerate freeing yourself of its rule over you.
Now take a bold, new action; meaning, do something you wouldn’t have done if you were still holding onto that thought. What’s beyond its influence? There may well be many new actions available to you now that you’ve distinguished the costs and benefits of entertaining this thought; write them all down, but definitely take at least one small step into the domain you’ve opened by extricating yourself from this thought’s grip on you.
Enjoy doing what would’ve been impossible, enjoy refreshing your sense of who you are! Thank you for your courage, and for clearing space to hear what's real.