The Perils of Shameful Unemployment

Why is shame linked with unemployment? My experience as a Career Coach has allowed me to observe an array of negative emotions associated with unemployment. Those emotions have primarily included depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and shame.

Jobseekers experience feelings of depression due to the repeated rejections they face when their efforts are not rewarded by landing a job. They often feel stuck in a pit of despair and fear loss of control over their wellbeing.

Anxiety levels rise when pondering thoughts of not having the income to meet their living expenses and the consequences that might bring. This intensifies their fear of the unknown.

Overwhelm surfaces because of the sheer magnitude of working all the moving parts of job search: constantly looking for suitable job postings, networking, tweaking resumes and cover letters, targeting and researching possible employers, and one of the scariest aspects of job search—interviewing.   

All of these emotions are natural and understandable. Being unemployed for extended periods of time can be extremely stressful because it generates a high level of insecurity. The effects of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic exacerbate this insecurity.

What amazes me most, however, is the amount of shame that seems to accompany unemployment.

Despite reassurances received from their Coach or mentor that landing that next job can be attained through persistence and patience, jobseekers begin to lose faith in their ability to do so. While acknowledging that millions of people are also unemployed due to the economic climate, extended periods of unemployment may cause feelings of failure, embarrassment, and shame. These feelings are worsened by the incessant inquiries from family and friends asking the dreaded question, “Why is it taking you so long to find a job?”

Jobseekers may often hear statements that further intensify their feelings of failure such as, “There are plenty of jobs out there.”; “You’re just being too picky.”; or “Stop messing around and get a job.”

For the jobseeker, repeated rejections undermine confidence and self-worth which tends to make the search even more daunting. They start doubting their abilities; thus, they may begin to feel helpless and ill-equipped to successfully land a job.

The combination of all these factors is what brings on the shame.

People who experience unemployment shame feel worthless, embarrassed, humiliated, and depressed. These emotions cause them to retreat and isolate themselves. Even though networking has proven to be one of the most effective ways of finding a job, shame keeps them from reaching out to others. Some of my clients have expressed that they feel embarrassed about being unemployed for so long, and they don’t want others to know they are struggling. This is unfortunate because it deprives them of one of the most effective tools of job search.

Anyone who has looked for a job in the past few years has found that the dynamics of job search have changed drastically. This is especially felt by those who maintained a steady job for years, only to be laid off or released into this labyrinth of new tools, techniques, and methods of job search. The pandemic amplified the difficulty because now many jobseekers are forced to transition into new positions or new industries. Doing so requires additional training or education which they feel will delay their efforts even further. The very thought brings additional anxiety.

Once they have lost their confidence, they may tend to make decisions that cause them to avoid other life situations that challenge them. They become afraid to take risks and may end up settling for sub-par circumstances brought on by their own low expectations—not only in their jobs, but in their lives in general.

Jobseekers may begin to treat themselves as though they are worthless by engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors that are disastrous for their health and well-being. The feelings of shame can be so powerful that they choose not to take steps towards healing.

One of the most important requirements for effective job search involves having a positive mindset. So, how can a jobseeker get beyond the feelings of shame? How can they begin to open up and take steps to rise from that pit of despair?

Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston’s Graduate School of Social Work, who has studied topics such as shame, vulnerability, and worthiness, has been a strong proponent of sharing your vulnerability. She believes that the first step is admitting feelings of shame to become more connected to others.

For those experiencing shame due to unemployment, here are a few suggestions:

1)     Journaling is a tool that is helpful because of the therapeutic effects provided by releasing those feelings privately.

2)     Affirmations and visualization around a brighter future help build one’s confidence.

3)     It’s also effective to seek out professional help through coaches, mentors, or therapists who will walk with you through those feelings and affirm your worth.

4)     Forming a strong support system is another way. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Do everything in your power to find community. Shame begins to disappear when it is shared in a safe place.

Regardless of the path the jobseeker decides to take, staying stuck in shame and inaction is not an option; something must be done. If left unaddressed, it can greatly impact the individual’s entire future.

Here, I’ve only opened up the discussion of unemployment shame. I’d love to get your input as well. For more information on working through unemployment shame, contact me at [email protected].

Blessings,

Lois H. Jackson