Peril Of Unetchical Mentorship - How To Avoid Becoming A Marionette?

Mentorship is often confused with apprenticeship, job training, or networking. Although it encompasses elements of each, mentorship as a process is a lot more personal, intense, private, and profound, and it is rarely only about work. The mentor becomes a role model for the mentee in more areas than one, want it or not.

Sometimes, the mentor is unaware they are one since the relationship forms spontaniously.?

Most people never experience mentorship, no matter how many personal development programs they participate in. They get job training, onboarding, consulting, or networking, not mentorship.

People never become as close for it to be mentorship, truly.

That is why mentorship, in its true meaning, appears only in specific professions (art, medicine, etc.) or closed expert societies/organizations that exclude most people.?

Under those conditions, people can get to know each other better and pick and choose who to connect with further.?

Organic bond-matchmaking is not applicable.

There is a difference between “what we seek” and “what we need.” A perspective (young) person looks for a role model based on where they want to end up, but they need someone who shares their fundamental values, at least partially.

Why is this important, and why it rarely happens? ?

Mentorship programs match mentees' aspirations with mentors' job titles; there is no way to assess whether there is a basis for mutual respect and understanding between the parties. The latter part of the puzzle is crucial for the depth of trust needed to diffuse knowledge and experience.?

Successful people are competitive, and they hide their failures. And failures carry the most significant lessons.?

They will open up to someone they like and respect to share: “I did this, but you should not because it was a mistake.”?

That is why the best mentorship is organic, and it is tough to replicate and repeat it on a large scale.

The mentor decides if the mentee is “worth the effort.” That is how it begins. Then, the mentee has to determine if the mentor is “worthy of listening to.” Only then does mentorship come to life.?

Besides, the timing has to be correct. The mentor has to have enough time to dedicate to the mentee. That usually means they have already accomplished enough in their careers to be happy to give something back. But again, they should not be completely done with their careers, as they will not have enough energy to deal with the mentee.

No matter how the cookie crumbles, the luck factor is inevitable.?

Modeling and “Mini Me” danger

There are more ways than one to learn:?

• reading and education,?
• just do (and hope for the best),?
• mimicking/modeling;?

Modeling is a great way to understand someone by “walking a mile in their shoes” and developing empathy, but letting someone else's personality take over is dangerous and unnatural.?

When we respect someone, we tend to behave like baby ducks. We patter and imitate Mom in everything she does, but we forget that Mom does not know best.?

Modeling people is like an app store. You have a bunch of apps. Some are useful, others are not. Some are worth it for a while; after that, you delete them. The last part is crucial: from time to time, we should review the beneficial behaviors, keep the ones that still make sense, and throw the rest in the bin.?

Say you have modeled a CEO who acts under the belief that “if we empower people to work, every problem will resolve on its own.” That may be accurate for that company. Well-rounded team, low churn, high job predictability, people manage to figure it out. This is a complete disaster once you become an entrepreneur. Your power is in “it’s up to me” because you will have ZERO people to count on. Once you leave a corporation, you should delete this app immediately.??

Another important note is that two mentees will use the same app differently. That is what makes every mentor-mentee bond unique.?

Mentees with entrepreneurial ambitions will be interested to find out:?

How do you fund projects when you have only one client? Is it worth investing in property for an office when most businesses opt for a lease? How do you resist the pressure from investors? When is the right time to enter politics for the sake of the business, and is it? Is it a good idea to hire your wife as a designer??

Mentees with corporate aspirations will likely be more interested in the following:?

How do I become the CEO? How can I get a raise? How do I change a department I work in without pissing off my current boss? How do I look for a new job without my current employer finding out? Is it a good idea to report my manager's misconduct??

COMPLETELY different lessons because different questions were asked.?

Influential people have only one trick - BUY.

Mentors come to us in various shapes and forms. Some are cruel, but they may be the best teachers because they teach boundaries, that there is no free lunch, and that someone can like and resent you simultaneously. The ultimate lesson is that role models do not exist—only flawed human beings.?

I believe in what I have experienced and seen: influential people have only one trick - to buy. Sometimes, the mentees did not understand the terms when they signed up for them, and once they did, they had to decide. Accept that relationship, friendship of two forever unequal parties (because the mentor in this case will never allow the mentee to forget how they started), or ask for a way out of a relationship they did not fully understand at first.?

Oh, don’t talk about the budget in front of them. They can not even imagine that much money; they will be ill. Ha-ha.?

Case Study #1

A podcast interviewed a very successful man, a golden standard in the business world. He did a retrospect on his career. I would not have noticed the subtext of his words if I had not had to make that same call.?

As a young man, he was noticed by the top voice in his profession and given a job. His origin is very modest, and he was the first family member ever to finish college. One particular glittering detail attracted my attention. As his career developed, he left the company where he was initially given a shot. After a while, he finally got the opportunity to live his dream - work in the USA. However, at that time, the phone rang. His mentor needed help; he was drowning. Our protagonist, honor-bound, went back to help. Mentee did the noble thing. The mentor? Perhaps not. He called to cash in a favor he did long ago, meaning he never gave anything for free.?

I picked you up from the bus station and planted you at the heart of Downtown, watering you to become the prettiest rose. It’s payback time.?

I could not help but notice how much that man's background differed from that of the Mentor's other proteges. He was the only one who came from nothing. And that is probably why the Mentor felt he could ask such a non-refundable favor—a chunk of someone’s life.?

Self-made (wo)men, in my experience, get much more unfavorable credit rates.?

The Rage Of The Mentor Who Is Left Behind?

Case Study #2

In this case, the mentee realized that his role would be to listen and blindly obey forever. They would never get a chance to be a grown-up. They found comrades within the organization and attempted to declare an autonomous province.?

Problem? Building a country within someone else’s backyard.?

The mentee's potential was recognized and nurtured until they revealed their ambitions. The mentee left, and the relationship turned to shreds. Where there used to be trust, now there was only ash.?

Just like in private life, the person left behind felt betrayed. The other side felt thwarted in their attempt to grow—human nature.?

Without getting into who was right and why, both sides are, I am sure; this constitutes a perfect example of what happens when you develop a spine after getting into a relationship that does not require one and with a person who did not expect you to.?

Because of the personal-professional nature of the relationship, the mentor must accept the mentee's true colors; lying will not do.

If you are brash, impatient, and do not think things through, that is also on the table for improvement during the relationship, not only hard skills. The mentor accepts to become a part of the mentee's career path in a very intensive way. They have to accept the person they are working so closely with.?

Finally, it is essential to understand that the world is filled with teachers and lessons to pick up, like Pokemon. If the mentee limits themselves to only one teacher, in the best case scenario, they will become a pale copy of the original thing. Always pale because …?

“I have taught you everything you know but not everything I know.”

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Notes from the author:

?? Every likeliness to real events and people is coincidental.

?? Any intelligence (or lack thereof) behind stories is 100% human.

?? Chat GPT free since 1990!