Perhaps it's time for us to embrace the "BORING 20s"

One hundred years ago, the western world was experiencing a prosperous decade with a surge of consumerism and modernity. A world filled with excitement derived from the novelty of automobiles, moving pictures, advances in aviation and the age of jazz. This was a decade that would become known as the Roaring 20s

That's quite a contrast to the current time we find ourselves in - also the 20s - characterised by travel bans, the shutting down of various forms entertainment, and limitations extending to the number of people allowed on dancefloor (if the event isn’t cancelled).

Most of the rhetoric we are drawn into is about when things will “go back to normal”, how we will “get through this” and talk of an “after COVID” time which offers greater appeal. And it’s that conversation and self talk that is making us unhappy.

It is time to embrace the decade that lies ahead - accept it for what it is, rather than what it isn’t – perhaps it’s time for us to embrace the Boring 20s.

 “A decade? But it’s only been 12 months,” you retort. “There’s a vaccine. This will be over soon.”

The issue is that literally, we don’t know how soon is “soon”, and what the “other side” of this will look like – if you insist on subscribing to the notion that the pandemic is a blip in history rather than a transition to a new normal.

But honestly how long do you think it will be before you get to make travel plans freely without factoring in safe zones, travel bubbles, and 14 weeks of quarantine? How long do you think it will be before we can crowd out the MCG again for a footy final? How long do you think it will be before we can have a family group gathered in a maternity ward to welcome a newborn.

The reality is we don’t know.

Outbreaks, snap lockdowns, virus variants, and issues with vaccine rollouts throw up a lot of unpredictability about how the next year - or decade - will play out.

It’s out of our control.

So we should not spend too much time or energy on it, à la Stephen Covey, with his Circles of Influence and Concern. Why? Because spending time and energy on this thinking may be the source of your discontentment and unhappiness. And, it may even lead to significant, sustained depression.

Looking at this another way, consider the stages of grief – shock, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance - associated with a significant loss. I think most would agree there has been considerable loss in our lives, and we can map these stages over the last 12months.

The shock was felt during March and April last year when the world around was closing down. The anger got directed towards China for letting the virus out, towards the toilet paper hoarders, or towards the family that we were forced to live, work and school together with. The bargaining began with social distancing, face masks, hand hygiene and guest limitations; and then came the depression of wondering how long is this lasting for.

Have you moved to acceptance?

Acceptance that rules have changes, the way we work, live and laugh have changed, and your new routine and habits need to sustained for the foreseeable future.

Or are you stuck in the depression phase, still holding out for when it will be over?

Acceptance enables us to move on and be happier, and the research shows as well as we know intuitively – that we are more productive when the brain at positive performs significantly better when compared to negative, neutral or stressed. Check out Shawn Achor’s TED talk for a handy reminder of the power of our brain working at positive.

So what should we do? I’m not a counsellor so I can’t help you with your specific grief process, but I can share some thoughts to spark your own thinking on this topic.

1.    Recognise your grief and let it out.

We need to grieve for what we have lost before we can move on, but recognise that there is no ‘normal’ timetable for this.

Tips about dealing with grief tend to suggest that you should:

-      Acknowledge your pain. The feelings of having plans cancelled by a lockdown, of not being able to see family and friends, or not being able to travel freely.

-      Accept that the grief can trigger unexpected emotions – like having a low day, or an outburst at loved one.

-      Take care of yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically – eating well, sleeping well and exercising.

-      Recognise when you need extra help – from your support network or from a professional.

When we come to a place of acceptance, it is not that we no longer feel the pain of loss. However, we are no longer resisting the reality of our situation, and we are not struggling to make it something different.

2.    Find happiness and meaning in the now.

Our tendency to deposit our happiness over the cognitive horizon of the current pandemic, makes us discontent with the what is happening in the present. We do this by holding out for the ‘when’ we will be able to resume activities like we did before COVID.

Finding happiness and meaning in the life you are leading today provides a more positive mindset than attaching happiness solely to the plans you are making for a tomorrow that may not turn out how you hoped.

From Viktor E Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” (read it if you haven’t), we can learn that irrespective of what life’s circumstances, we retain the inner freedom to choose our attitude, and remain true to who we are.

“The sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner-decision and not the result of camp influences alone. Fundamentally then, any man can, under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually.” Viktor Frankl’s 'Man’s Search for Meaning'

Frankl’s experience detailed in the book is from his time as a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp, which I would assume most would recognise as greater hardship than anything we have endured for the last 12months. Frankl’s accounts focus on love, hope, responsibility, inner freedom, and the beauty to be found in both nature and art as means that help one endure and overcome harrowing experiences.

3.    Embrace the ‘boring 20s’ but don’t write them off.

The next decade could be perceived as dull and subdued compared to the proceeding decades, if we choose to fixate on those things that we can no longer do or do as freely.

A healthier perspective is to instead focus attention on what may have changed for the better. Neighbours I’ve spoken with (because I’m actually getting to know my neighbours now) have shared their appreciation for being able to pick up kids from school and spend more playtime with them; starting new hobbies; having more energy without daily commutes and planning home renovations.

There also seems to be a greater value attached to times when we can actually see loved ones, or have more than a handful of visitors from outside a 5km radius.

The next decade need only be boring if we insist on lighting a candle for the activities we enjoyed before. There is however the opportunity - and the choice - to find joy in new activities and possibilities as well as reconnecting with those that have given us the greatest joy but may have been taken for granted when they were in abundance.

And why do I insist on characterising a whole decade rather than a couple of years? Because – rather than being pessimistic – it is actually liberating to be free of high hopes and expectations. This forces us to focus on what is here and now. Appreciating the journey.

This decade will become the boring 20s only if we chose it to be.

Iain Schmidt

Coach & CEO, Transform By Learning