Perfectionism is Not a Virtue

There’s a message that I keep seeing pop up – in different words and stories, but with the same theme. Perfectionism. And while some take pride in the message, the reality for most is that it keeps us playing small and stops us from living fully. 

Perfectionism is not a virtue.

A brief story to illustrate….

I have an acquaintance with a group of friends from school who were now scattered across the country. She couldn’t remember the last time they had all been together and she was so excited that they were all going to be in town at the same time. She thought about hosting a get-together, but her excitement quickly turned to anxiety with this story (to get the full effect, imagine this being said at warp speed and in a high-pitched voice): 

“I can’t have friends over until I clean the house. To clean the house, I have to get through all the crap that’s lying around, sort through the stacks of mail and magazines and the pile of clothes I pulled out of my closet to give to charity. And the yard is a mess too. No one can see this place until the weeds are pulled and the shrubs are trimmed.” 

I have to pause and take a deep breath every time I read that. Oomm...

When we see this in print, it’s so clear just how ridiculous it is. We know it’s more important to spend time with friends than not to, because of some false expectation that our home be pristine. They’re so happy to see each other and spend time together they don’t need a tour of the house (pile all the “stuff” in one room and close the door).

Yet we do these kinds of things. Why is this? It’s a deep subject that we could really dive into, but for the most part, it all boils down to fear: Fear of being judged, Fear of failure. 

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."  Eleanor Roosevelt
 

To help you get over this, there’s a question I suggest you ask yourself on a regular basis - at first glance it might seem a bit morbid, but it really helps put things into perspective.

When I approach the end of life here on earth, what will I say? I bet it’s not “I should have kept a cleaner house” or “I should have worked more.”

More likely scenarios are “I wish I enjoyed life more,” “ I wish I spent more time with friends and family,” “I wish I’d taken better care of myself so I could have fill in the blank (traveled, played with my grandkids...).”

Or this inspiration from my schoolmate Nancy. She quotes her dear departed mom who had some classic lines which she calls “Janetisms.” One Janetism that I just love:

 “I Wish I Learned To Yodel”

What are you letting your perfectionism get in the way of? Stop perfecting, start living.
 

Wishing you learn to yodel,
Karen