Is Perfectionism Ruining Your Life?

For years we have believed that perfectionism is a good thing. But is it so? While sometimes it's seen as a positive trait that increases the chances of success, it's not that innocent. It can lead to self-sabotaging thoughts or behaviors that make it difficult to achieve goals. According to research examining 43 different studies over 20 years by?York St. John University, perfectionism is linked to burnout as well as depression, anxiety, and even mortality.

Some aspects of perfectionism—setting high standards and working toward goals proactively can be good for your career—but perfectionism has a significant downside. Obsessing about making mistakes or letting others down or holding yourself to impossibly high standards can have negative consequences.

What is Perfectionism?

A perfectionist is someone with a personality that strives for perfection. It is often accomplished by clinging to flaws, trying to control situations, working hard, and criticizing oneself or others. People with perfectionism hold themselves to impossibly high standards. They think that what they do is never good enough.

Signs of Perfectionism

The following are ten signs of perfectionists that you might notice in yourself or in people you know.

All or Nothing?

Those with this mindset tend to set lofty goals and work hard to achieve them. It should either be the best or not at all. Perfectionists will not accept anything less than perfection. "Almost perfect" is seen as a failure.

Spending More Time than Necessary?

For instance, When you spend 30 minutes editing and rewriting a two-sentence email.?

Criticism?

Perfectionists are more critical of themselves and others. They tend to detect errors and flaws. They focus on mistakes and have trouble seeing anything else. When "failure" occurs, they are more judgmental and harsh with themselves and others.

Fear of Failure

They build their selves and their self-esteem and self-worth on their achievements. Therefore, the slightest failure can feel like the end of the world to these people.

Only Results

They are focusing on the results rather than the process can also be considered a sign of perfectionism. They are so concerned with achieving the goal and avoiding terrible failure that they cannot enjoy the process of growth and learning on the way.

Perfectionism And Procrastination

It seems paradoxical that perfectionists are prone to procrastinate. It is because perfectionists who are afraid of failure sometimes become so inactive and unable to do anything because they are worried about doing something wrong.

Not Accepting Criticism

Because less-than-perfect performance is so painful for perfectionists, they don't see criticism as valuable information to help their future performance. They tend to respond defensively, even to constructive criticism.

Avoidance

Avoid trying something new or group activities because of fear of not doing the best.

Indecisiveness?

They try to consider all options to choose the best and end up with no decision. You can check out the Decision Fatigue article on this subject.

Reasons Of Perfectionism

• Need for Approval: Fear of not being approved by others. Feeling of insecurity and inadequacy.
• Mental health problems. Such as anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Although there is a relationship between OCD and perfectionism, not every person with perfectionism has OCD, and not every person with OCD is a perfectionist.
• Parents. Having a parent who exhibits perfectionist behavior or disapproves when their child's efforts do not result in perfection. Some parents may encourage their children to excel in all areas or push them towards excellence to the extent that it can be considered abusive.
• An insecure early attachment. People who had troubled bonds with their parents when they were young may have trouble calming themselves as adults. They may struggle to accept a good result if it's not perfect.
• People with a history of high achievement sometimes feel overwhelming pressure to maintain their previous success. It often leads them to engage in perfectionist behaviors.

How to Overcome Perfectionism?

• Consider therapy, coaching, group coaching
• Set realistic, attainable goals
• Break heavy tasks into small steps
• Instead of multitasking, focus on one activity or task at a time
• Utilize Mindfulness practices to accept what is and stay in the moment
• Meditate
• Practice Wabi Sabi ( Japanese Philosophy to accept imperfection)
• Accept that everyone can make mistakes. Self-compassion practices can support you.
• Remind yourself that most mistakes offer learning opportunities
• Accept the possibility of failure by being realistic about the possible consequences
• Focus on doing your best instead of doing the best

Mindfulness helped me to cope with perfectionism. When you practice Mindfulness, you accept yourself as you are. You learn to stay in the moment. It's one of the reasons I decided to be a Coach, to help people like me. I work on perfectionism with 70% of my clients so if you'd like to work with me on this issue, you can contact me for Mindfulness Coaching

Thanks for reading Mindfully Yours newsletter, I hope you enjoyed the topic. Here are some ways to access more mindful living tips:

→ Visit my?website?to see details for Mindfulness Coaching.

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Warmly,

Emine

Resources

Flett, G. L., Heisel, M. J., & Hewitt, P. L. (2014). The destructiveness of perfectionism revisited: Implications for the assessment of suicide risk and the prevention of suicide. Review of General Psychology, 18(3), 156-172. doi: https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/gpr0000011

Hasse, A. M., Prapavessis, H., & Owens, R. G. (2013, June 24). Domain-specificity in perfectionism: Variations across domains of life. Personality and Individual Differences, 55(2013), 711-715. Retrieved from https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.719.5924&rep=rep1&type=pdf?

Rettner, R. (2010, July 11). The dark side of perfectionism revealed. Retrieved from https://www.livescience.com/6724-dark-side-perfectionism-revealed.html

Scutti, S. (2014, September 26). Perfectionists, especially doctors, architects, and lawyers, are at higher risk of suicide. Retrieved from https://www.medicaldaily.com/perfectionists-especially-doctors-architects-and-lawyers-are-higher-risk-suicide-305256

Szymanski, J. (2011, October 3). Perfectionism: Healthy or hurtful? Retrieved from https://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/10/is_perfectionism_helping_or_hu.html.