Perfectionism robs us of our joy

I can't believe the summer is quickly coming to a close in a few days. And although I didn't take a formal vacation this summer, I managed to create mini-vacations by sprinkling in quality time with new friends, old friends and family.

I also decided to challenge myself with something that I've been very anxious about and something I've never shared with anyone...

I hadn't realized my deep insecurities and fear around hosting people in my home until I started to pay attention to how much energy I expended trying to be perfect, so I decided to do a personal experiment and start hosting regularly with the specific intention... to address my debilitating feelings about being the perfect hostess with the mostest.

I decided to kick off my experiment by inviting some women for a Ladies' Night and since that went so well, I continued to invite small groups of folks over to share a delicious charcuterie board and other food items that I felt confident preparing plus my now infamous Cosmos! I actually ended up having 4 dinner parties in August!

The photo below is from my last dinner party for the summer which included my family and friends. I intentionally took great pleasure picking out and arranging each food item for my charcuterie board and imagining my guests "ooo'ing and ahhh'ing" over the delicious Cosmos that I lovingly prepared the night before and froze overnight for just enough of a slushy texture.

This time, it felt like Christmas morning instead of Tax Day when my guests arrived with such glee. The evening went beautifully as my guests engaged in smaller more private conversations as well as a lot of laughing with friendly banter and gentle roasting.

"The best use of creativity is imagination. The worst use of creativity is anxiety. " –Deepak Chopra

From the outside looking in, one might be fooled into thinking that I loved to entertain, but nothing could be further from the truth. I am usually a bundle of nerves working through my anxiety about everything needing to be perfect for my guests. I know that I usually spend way too much time planning, grocery shopping, cleaning, and preparing my home prior to 'game time'.

I believe my anxiety stems from watching my Mom host thousands of parties for family and for my Dad's church. She was always stressed, running around shopping for huge quantities of food and chopping up a storm because Korean food requires a lot of fresh produce, fermented veggies like kimchi and preparing marinades for meat dishes like galbi and bulgogi ahead of time.

My Mom was an AMAZING cook. She could taste something at a restaurant and replicate the dish perfectly from memory. She was a culinary genius and could probably win every Iron Chef competition. I think this is probably where my fears and insecurities about cooking/hosting originated.

Attempting to fill her shoes was and still is terrifying to some degree. But I decided that I no longer wanted to stay paralyzed with fear and made a conscious decision to experiment at my own pace and refrain from judging myself for not being more like my Mom.

I can't say that I feel completely at ease with hosting after all my recent practice, but I can say that my confidence is growing each day. And my inner chatter isn't as critical or punishing as it has been in the past. Facing my fears and insecurities has been hard but also extremely rewarding.

I know that the only way to improve something that I am not confident in is by continuing to practice, learn, adjust, practice, learn, adjust, and do it again.

How about you? What are you feeling shaky about and want to get better doing? Is it public speaking? Maybe having tough conversations? Perhaps holding yourself and others accountable?

The list is endless... pick one and GO FOR IT! Let me know what you decide and if you would like coaching support to jump over your own personal hurdle that has plagued you for years.

Your friend and coach,

Grace