Perfectionism: How It Begins and Its Negative Impact

To watch the extended YouTube version of this article, click here .

To listen to the audio version, click here .

Perfectionism is often praised in our society. It is frequently associated with hard work, high standards, and an insatiable drive to succeed.

However, beneath the surface of perfectionism lies a rigid, unhealthy mindset that can be detrimental to your mental health, personal relationships, and professional success.

Perfectionism is not about striving for excellence. It’s an all-consuming fear of making mistakes, falling short, or being judged harshly by others. It often begins in childhood and follows individuals into adulthood, influencing their behaviour in both personal and professional settings.

In this article, we will explore the roots of perfectionism and its impact in adulthood.

In the extended YouTube version of this article, I also discuss Seven Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism. You can watch it here .

How Perfectionism Begins: The Childhood Roots

Perfectionism often takes root in childhood and is shaped by family dynamics, societal expectations, and personal experiences. Understanding how early experiences can contribute to developing perfectionistic tendencies is essential.

1.?Parental Expectations and Criticism

Children who grow up in environments where high standards and expectations are the norm may develop perfectionistic tendencies as a way to meet those demands. Parents who are overly critical, demanding, or focused on achievement can unintentionally teach their children that their worth is tied to success.

When children consistently receive praise for perfect results but face criticism for any mistakes, they internalise the belief that being "good enough" is unacceptable. This can lead to an intense fear of failure and a relentless drive for perfection.

2.?Conditional Love and Approval

In some cases, children may feel that love and approval from their parents are conditional upon their performance. For example, a child may feel they are only valued or praised when they excel academically, in sports, or other activities.

This conditional love fosters the belief that self-worth is contingent on achievement, pushing children to strive for perfection to maintain affection and validation.

3.?Comparison To Others

Children are often compared to siblings, peers, or even societal role models. If a child feels they are constantly being measured against others, they may adopt perfectionism as a coping mechanism.

They might believe that by being perfect, they can outshine others and earn approval or admiration. This comparison-driven mindset can become deeply ingrained and difficult to shake in adulthood.

4.?Traumatic Experiences

Childhood trauma, such as bullying, abuse, or neglect, can also contribute to perfectionism. Pretty much all of the clients I work with who have Complex PTSD from adverse childhood experiences often have crippling perfectionistic traits.

In an attempt to regain control in an unpredictable environment, some children develop perfectionistic behaviours. They may believe that by being flawless, they can avoid negative outcomes or criticism, creating a protective barrier against further pain.

How Perfectionism Impacts Adulthood

Perfectionism doesn’t simply disappear as people grow older. In fact, it often intensifies in adulthood, influencing both personal and professional life. What once was an adaptive coping mechanism in childhood can become maladaptive in adulthood, creating a source of anxiety, stress, and dissatisfaction.

Perfectionism In Personal Life

In personal relationships, perfectionists may struggle with vulnerability and intimacy. They often hold themselves and others to impossible standards, leading to frustration, disappointment, and conflict. This can manifest in several ways:

1.??Self-Criticism

Perfectionists are often their harshest critics. They magnify their mistakes and flaws, leading to feelings of inadequacy, shame, and guilt. This self-criticism can erode self-esteem and make it difficult to feel comfortable in their own skin.

2.?Relationship Struggles

Perfectionists may expect their partners, friends, or family members to meet unrealistic standards, which can strain relationships.

When others inevitably fall short of these expectations, it can lead to resentment and disappointment.

Additionally, perfectionists may avoid vulnerability out of fear of being judged or rejected, making it hard to build deep, authentic connections.

3.?Fear of Failure

In personal pursuits, such as hobbies or creative endeavours, perfectionists may be paralysed by the fear of not being good enough.

This can lead to procrastination, avoidance, or abandoning activities altogether, depriving them of joy and fulfilment.

Perfectionism In Professional Life

Perfectionism is particularly prevalent in professional settings, where it can be both a motivator and a source of significant stress. While striving for excellence can lead to high levels of achievement, the perfectionistic mindset often leads to burnout and diminished productivity.

1. Overworking and Burnout

Perfectionists tend to overwork, believing that nothing they do is ever good enough. They may spend excessive amounts of time refining details or reworking tasks that are already completed to an acceptable standard. This can lead to chronic stress, exhaustion, and burnout.

2. Fear of Delegation

Perfectionists often struggle to delegate tasks because they fear that others won’t meet their high standards. This can result in micromanagement, missed deadlines, and strained relationships with colleagues or employees.

I have two articles/videos coming up on both micromanagement and delegation. So please make sure you're subscribed so that you don't miss them!

3. Procrastination and Indecisiveness

While it may seem counterintuitive, perfectionism can actually lead to procrastination. The fear of not doing something perfectly can prevent people from starting projects or making decisions. They may become stuck in a cycle of overanalysing, delaying, or avoiding tasks to avoid potential failure.

4. Imposter Syndrome

Many perfectionists struggle with imposter syndrome, feeling like they don’t deserve their achievements and that they’re constantly on the verge of being “found out.” This constant self-doubt can hinder career growth and lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety.

The Wrap-Up

Perfectionism often starts in childhood, influenced by parental expectations, conditional love, and societal pressures. While striving for excellence is admirable, perfectionism is a rigid and unrealistic mindset that can lead to anxiety, burnout, and dissatisfaction in both personal and professional settings.

Overcoming perfectionism requires patience, practice, and self-compassion. By recognising and challenging perfectionistic thoughts, setting realistic goals, embracing mistakes, and seeking support when needed, it is possible to break free from the cycle of perfectionism and live a more balanced, fulfilling life.

What Next?

Again, in the extended YouTube version of this article, I also discuss 'Seven Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism'. You can watch it here .

If there are any subjects you’d like me to cover in upcoming content or if you'd like coaching support with anything I discuss in my videos or articles, please DM or email me at [email protected] .

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