Perfectionism can Ruin Relationship.

Perfectionist can be quite controlling. In many cases, this controlling behaviour is anxiety -based. How so?

Perfectionism says – don’t start ( it won’t be good enough).

Perfectionism says – don’t finish (you’ll be criticized).

Perfectionism says – don’t take risks (you’re going to fail).

Perfectionism says – don’t collaborate (they’ll never live up to your expectations).

The perfectionist wants a perfect outcome and worries that other people won't hold up their end of the bargain to the extent necessary to achieve this. 

The downside of acting controlling is that it can cause stress in interpersonal relationships, which can also be hard for the perfectionist to cope with. After all, wanting to be perfect often includes wanting to always be perceived positively by others. 

What can you do? 

If you're a perfectionist, try these tips for smoother relationships with teammates of all kinds, whether they're colleagues, friends, or family:

Appreciate Diverse Strengths

A perfectionist thinks "I want other people to do this right. 

I want them to do it my way." 

Doing it right and doing it my way are synonymous. 

When you're a perfectionist, some traits you think of as weaknesses might be, in some respects, strengths. For example: 

• Someone who doesn't care as much about details may be able to complete projects more quickly and keep laser focused on the big picture.
• When someone has less concern with always following rules to the letter than you do, this can have advantages (and of course disadvantages sometimes as well).
• Working less hard can sometimes be a strength, for instance, if it results in being less prone to burnout, injury, or irritability.
• Being less conscientious and failing to follow through can be a strength if whatever is being abandoned isn't particularly important.
• People who aren't as devoted to one domain of life (e.g., a career track) can bring unique knowledge to a team from their other life experiences.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.  

Thank you …If you're willing to learn from others strengths, you can sometimes learn how to achieve more overall, while being less perfect in some respects. When someone approaches life and work differently from you, try to identify and learn from their strengths, including those you'd typically see as weaknesses.

Let Other People Pleasantly Surprise You

Perfectionists often get anxious about how other people might behave.

Their experience of life is that other people aren't as diligent as they are.

They expect other people to disappoint them and let them down. 

Instead of this, try taking the approach that other people might pleasantly surprise you.

Left to their own devices, other people often come up with creative solutions or ideas that aren't how you would've handled something, but their way might be just as good as or better than you expected. 

Sure, this won't always happen, but it will happen some of the time. Enjoy it when it does. Consider when it's worth letting go of the reins slightly to see what other people come up with.

Want to add word or two?  

When You Don't Strongly Object to a Suggestion, Take It (Without Nitpicking)

When You Have the Urge to Be Controlling, Pause First

When it comes to changing behaviour, it's important that you learn to recognize when an urge to react a particular way has been triggered, before reacting. 

Try briefly pausing whenever you find yourself wanting to nitpick, complain, takeover, and micromanage, reject someone else's suggestion, etc. 

You might find this easiest to practice by starting with your emails. When those urges arise in response to an email you've received, delay replying for a few hours so that you create mental space in which you can consider responding differently from how you usually would. 

Your comment ….?`

This suggestion also applies to any situation in which you have a documents to review. 

Consider pausing, taking a brief from the task, doing something else for a while, and re-reading your comments before sending.

Look for anywhere in your comments about the document where you've nitpicked or pushed back, where doing so isn't particularly important and it would be better from a relationship-standpoint to let it go.

Recognize that you’re More Resilient than You Think

When other people don't do things your way, it might make you upset and angry, but you'll probably get over it more easily and quickly than you think. 

By far the best and fastest way to feel more relaxed about other people doing things their way is to practice letting them do that and experience for yourself that you're able to cope. 

Again, this is not to say you won't find it upsetting and anxiety-provoking when tasks aren't done to your standards, but you'll generally find that those emotions dissipate more quickly than you expect. 

A general psychological principle is that people tend to underestimate their capacity to cope with negative emotions and overestimate how long strong negative emotions will last. 

It’s Your Turn

Do you believe that perfectionism helps or hinders success?

How has perfectionism impacted your life?

Perfectionism is a disease.

Procrastination is a disease.

Procrastination plagues a vast majority of people. It keeps them from living their potential.

Action is the cure.

If you wait for perfect you’ll never get anything done.

Today, decide that your life will be filled with satisfaction, happiness and joy.