Perfectionism

Even though the two may seem somewhat similar at first glance, there is a world of difference between striving to be one’s best and perfectionism.

Striving to be better and working towards becoming the best version of ourselves is a healthy quest because it is intrinsically motivated. Perfectionism, on the other hand, is fundamentally driven by an all-consuming question: What will people think?

Perfection has been defined as “a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels the following thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, work perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid the painful feelings of shame, judgement and blame.”

Brene Brown, the author of The Gifts of Imperfection, says, “most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (nice appearance, sports prowess, following the rules and people pleasing). As a result, somewhere along the way, they adopted a dangerous paradigm: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.”

Researchers Paul Hewitt and Simon Sherry point out that people with high levels of perfectionism:

• Are doomed to fail at meeting their own expectations and the expectations that they assume are held by others
• Perceive themselves as consistently falling short of others’ expectations
• Live in ways that result in perceived and actual exclusion and rejection by others
• Feel socially disconnected because in reality they have very few genuinely nourishing social connections?

Perfectionists might look as though they are striving to attain mastery, but in reality, they end up doing quite the opposite because mastery requires curiosity, a willingness to take healthy risks and the ability to learn from one’s falls and mistakes. Perfectionism, on the other hand, tells us that we have to know everything, or we will somehow end up looking inadequate. It also tells us that mistakes and failures are personal defects and need to be avoided at all costs and so we end up either avoiding trying new things, or we end up feeling devastated every time we fall, fail or experience a setback.

Perhaps one of the best things we do to avoid falling into the trap of perfectionism is to remember that just as other people do not start to change for the better till they are unconditionally loved and accepted for who they are, neither do we. Once we begin to accept ourselves and start relaxing into who we are, and becoming comfortable in our own skin, that’s when then the process of real change and growth can truly begin.

Have a great week!

Team Anahat

(If you would like to get to know, understand and accept yourself and others better, be sure to sign up for our certification programmes such as the MBTI?,?FIRO?, and many others).