Perfection on Your Own Terms

As I write this, I’m struggling with the perfect way of delivering this message to you. It’s ironic because what I’ve written about is imperfection. And here I am, struggling with how to get it just right.

This is a monthly newsletter, but sometimes, what I want to say is too long for anyone to want to read all the way through. So, I’ll do what I’ve done before and break this down into four readable parts – spread out over four weeks.

"To be human is to be beautifully flawed." — Henry David Thoreau

Imperfections are not a bad thing. In fact, imperfections are a good thing. They can cause growth and laughter. They can make you a more authentic person. They can be things of beauty, and they can empower you and grow your self-confidence.

If you struggle with accepting your imperfections, I hope you’ll learn over these four weeks how embracing imperfection can be a joyous process with the ability to bring about significant change in your life. We’re going to take a look at the reality of imperfection and learn how to reject the myth of perfection in favor of a viewpoint that acknowledges imperfection and uses that imperfection as a motive force for change. You’ll see how you can begin embracing your imperfections and using them to your advantage. Next, we’ll explore the Japanese philosophy of Wabi Sabi and how it can teach us to start appreciating beauty in an imperfect world. Last but not least, we’ll look at specific ways to empower your imperfections and build your self-confidence in the process.

So, without further ado, let’s start embracing imperfection. Remember, a mistake is only the first step to getting it right!

The Reality of Imperfection

Take a look around you. A cursory examination of your surroundings will quickly reveal that we live in an imperfect world. Some things can be improved in almost everything. Very few things work as planned. The world is full of cracks, dents, and things that didn’t work out as planned. So, if what we can sense is actually imperfect, where does that leave our idea of perfection?

A lot of us spend a lot of time trying to be perfect when the reality is that perfection, as we define it, is a pipe dream. There is no such thing as perfect. It’s unattainable. At best, it’s an ideal. At worst, it’s a cruel lie that prevents many people from living whole lives. The fact that perfection doesn’t exist, but imperfection is tangible and real, is a lesson for us all – a lesson that we should take to heart. So, let’s look at the reality of imperfection and how we can use that reality to benefit ourselves and those around us.

We Are All Flawed

We are all human. Therefore, we could be better. You’ve heard the saying “You’re only human” before, right? Well, that statement encapsulates everything natural in imperfection and everything unnatural in chasing perfection. Being human is messy. It’s about making mistakes and, hopefully, learning from those mistakes. Being human is about using imperfection as a motivating force for positive change. And after those changes are in place, we’ll still be as flawed as we are now. The difference is that we’ll be better people, as opposed to perfect people.

Perfection, or the chase for perfection, is a divisive process. When we look for perfection, we tend to see differences between people and things. We tend to categorize people and things. We then use these perceived differences and categories to value people and things differently based on perception. When in reality, we are all the same. We all have the same ability to err and falter. When we see ourselves in this light, we begin to come together. We see the commonality that all of us share. When embracing our imperfections, we are far more likely to forgive, and we are far less likely to judge. The flaws in all of us allow all of us to relate to each other. In this way, our shared imperfections are actually positive.

Imperfections Are Authentic

Which is more appealing, a person who pretends to be perfect or a person who is able to admit their imperfections? Obviously, the person who embraces their imperfections and owns them is far more attractive than the person who doesn’t. Why is this? Well, it’s probably because we can relate far more to a person who reminds us of ourselves than to a person who doesn’t. We all know that we’re far from perfect. We have an innate sense of that imperfection. We also sense that we all share this tendency for imperfection. When you, as a person, let others see that you make mistakes, you become far more likable. Others will also trust you and what you say much more readily because of it. In short, you’ll be seen as much more authentic by exposing your flaws than by trying to cover them up with a veneer.

On the same note, when you let others see the mistakes you make, they’re far more likely to be able to tolerate their own mistakes. Face it, a lot of people desperately try to hide their flaws, regardless of how small they are. They spend a lot of energy propping up the fiction of perfection. They do this because they’ve been taught that anything less than perfection is a failure. Life can be miserable for people who live like this. Their days are filled with a fear of failing and the fear of getting caught making a mistake. The process of trying for perfection, pretending to be perfect, saps life of all of its enjoyment. When you’re honest about your mistakes, you set an example that can change a perfectionist’s life for the better. They may become able to let go of the false hope of perfection in favor of a rich and nuanced life, imperfections and all.

Strength and Laughter

There is both strength and laughter in life’s messy moments. How? Admitting to mistakes can help us grow and strengthen personal relationships. We all make missteps in our relationships with others. We say and do things that cause hurt, intentionally or unintentionally. We often later regret saying or doing the things that caused the hurt. The process of healing these hurts starts by admitting that you were at fault. When you do so, you initiate the process of forgiveness, and you strengthen the relationship as well. Admitting mistakes is a sign that you’re learning from those mistakes. It’s also a sign of growth.

Making mistakes in a relationship is also a source of laughter. It’s certainly not funny at the time the mistake is being made. Yet, very often, over time, that painful experience can be seen as humorous, especially if the person who made the mistake is willing and able to laugh at themselves. It’s a reality of imperfection that what we see as flaws are actually the building blocks of a good life.

How to Embrace Imperfection

The key to happiness doesn’t lie in attaining perfection. Instead, real happiness comes from accepting who you are. In order to truly accept yourself, you must be willing to accept your imperfections and honestly embrace those imperfections as an essential part of the real you. To do this, you’ve got to begin seeing your imperfections differently...see them as things that make you unique, beautiful, and strong.

The first step is to internalize that you’re only human. You’re a human being, and like all human beings, you’re prone to making mistakes. You’re not different than everybody else. You’re not above everybody else. You’re exactly like all of your fellow travelers on this planet. You make mistakes. Things get complicated. Things get messy. Things need to be fixed after they get broken.

It’s all ok. It’s all a part of life. Accept yourself as human. You are not perfect. You will never be perfect. Perfection is an ideal, and like all ideals, it’s a little bit of a fairy tale. Believing in something that’s inherently untrue can cause unhappiness and disruption, which are not goals you want to achieve. Your goals are to be happy, healthy, and content. To achieve these healthy goals, you first have to give up the fantasy of perfection and embrace the reality of imperfection.

Next, realize that imperfections are not weaknesses. Instead, many imperfections can actually be used as strengths. How? By actually turning those perceived weaknesses into strengths. For example, let’s say that you’re not really that good with technology. You can look at that fact as a weakness and use it as a reason for not getting things done in the tech area. Or, you can turn that perceived weakness into strength by doing what needs to be done using alternate methods. Additionally, you can also begin to learn more about the technology things that baffle you. You may never become an expert, but you’ll definitely become more skilled than you are today. The idea is to take the imperfection, embrace it, and begin moving it from the weakness column into the strength column.

Are you able to laugh at yourself? Taking yourself too seriously can also result in taking your inevitable mistakes too seriously. When you do this, you begin to spend an excessive amount of time and energy either trying to avoid mistakes or desperately covering up the fact that you did screw up. The result of this process is usually paralysis. You end up never doing anything new because you don’t want to be seen as bad at it. This means that you never grow. You never develop or change. Instead, you stagnate.

You can avoid this by embracing your imperfections. Learn to laugh at the mistakes that you make. Learn to see the absurdity that is inherent in the human condition. We’re all constantly making mistakes. It’s one of the main things we all have in common. We’ve all been there. Therefore, we can all laugh because we can all relate to missing the mark. Open up and relax a little. No mistake is too big to overcome. Very often there’s an important lesson to be learned so that you don’t end up repeating the mistake. It’s all good. It’s all natural. It’s all human. So, step back, and when it’s appropriate, don’t be afraid to laugh.