Perfecting the Art of 'Active' Listening

[Welcome back to Cultivating Vibrant Workplaces! In this issue #11, I offer valuable tips for becoming a more 'active' listener, a crucial communication skill, especially in today's virtual climate. I also address the importance of active and empathic listening, particularly as leaders, in different sections of our forthcoming book?Cultivating Healthy & Vibrant Workplaces . I would love to hear in the comments section below a listening technique or skill that has served you well in your personal or professional communications.]

“If speaking is silver, then listening is gold.” (Turkish proverb)

I initially addressed this topic, and the following active listening tips in an HR published article many years ago; however, given the virtual climate we largely operate in today, with some updates, I felt it might offer value to this newsletter series.

As you read the tips below, perhaps you might note them in your journal, on a Post-It note or dictate them to a notes app. Or print this article to refer to them in the future before meetings or important conversations. Then, immediately following such, do a self-assessment of your listening efforts. Better still, ask others for feedback on how you did! Ask them if they felt heard and if you provided them with ample air time to express their thoughts or pose their questions. Perhaps ask your spouse or child; I assure you, they will give you the brutal, honest truth if you ask (wink, wink)!

So, to begin this journey of discovery, we first need to examine the "Why"...

"Why are so many of us poor listeners?"

Is it a genetically inherited trait or a socially developed one?

Perhaps the following assertions might be a good place to start deconstructing such.

1] Lack of formal training opportunities: how often do you see an Active Listening Skills workshop or university course advertised??Rarely, I would argue. The reality is that many of us receive more training in written communications but limited, if any, in active listening, which is why many of us would rather talk than listen. We simply have not been taught nor mastered this skill.

2] We possess the ability to think faster than we speak: the average person speaks at a rate of 125 words per minute;?however, we possess the mental capacity to receive and process words up to 400 words per minute (Lee & Hatesohl, n.d.). This provides us 75% extra capacity for mental chatter or perhaps mental multi-tasking of the errands we need to run or the work sitting on our desk.

3] We practise lazy and inattentive listening habits:?studies have shown that many of us retain only 50% of what is spoken after a 10-minute oral presentation. Within a couple of days, that retention drops another 50% to a final level of 25% efficiency. In short, we tend to process and retain only 25% of what we hear (Lee & Hatesohl, n.d.). Moreover, we often joke that our spouses use selective listening, but the sad reality is that many of us are selective listeners in life, my question below being a perfect example.

"Do you keyboard at work or home when you are on the phone or check your text messages (vs. being fully attuned to the person speaking to you)?"

4] We lose our listening skills as we get older and, ironically, become more educated.?Research findings have shown that as kids progress through school, their listening skills decline with each year, dropping from 90% in elementary grades down to 28% in high school (Nichols, 1957, cited in Lee & Hatesohl, n.d.).

5] We fall victim to listening roadblocks?such as mental fatigue or lack of interest in the person's message.

By comparison, 'active listeners' are characterized as those who:

• listen with their ears, eyes, head and heart.
• process and internalize a speaker's words and feelings.
• put themselves in the speaker's shoes.
• check for clarity and understanding of a message.

As mentioned, active listening is foundational for good relationships and work effectiveness, particularly in today's virtual climate. For example, it is far too easy to tune out and multi-task when in virtual meetings if we don't don our 'active listening' hats.

How would you rate your listening skills in your last virtual meeting? Or your last conversation with a co-worker, an employee, a friend or family member?

(Please do take a few moments to reflect on these revealing questions before and after you read the following. And be honest with your assessment to the best of your ability.)

Now, while we may 'intellectually' know many of the reminders and tips below, they are important considerations nonetheless to periodically review, reflect on via personal check-ins, and continually hone to sharpen the saw.

Why is 'Active Listening' so critically important?

The four succinctly stated reasons below are common sense for sure; however, we all know that common sense is not so commonly listened to or practiced.

Simply stated, active listening:

• Cultivates strong relationships and trust.
• Builds the morale of friends, families and co-workers.
• Supports us in making important life or business decisions.
• Provides a communication pathway for creativity, partnership and invention.

So, how do we become active listeners?

We begin by being fully present.

We give the speaker our full attention and park any biases, judgements or mental rebuttals.

We use reassuring body language and gestures to convey our attention, such as smiling and nodding.

We lean in to show we are interested and periodically comment 'yes' or 'I see.' Larry King was a master at this; he would always lean into his mic with his head on his hand and make direct eye contact with his guests. They had his full and undivided attention. Perhaps channel him next time you are in a conversation!

We 'Listen with Heart' by reflecting empathy, sincerity and curiosity, especially during emotionally-charged conversations. To quote Stephen Covey and referring back to my 7 Habits of Highly Effective People facilitator days, 'We need to seek first to understand, then be understood' (something I discuss in our book via a personal story that revealed my own humanness and fallibility).

We validate our understanding of what is being said by reframing or asking clarifying questions such as, "What I am hearing you say is...?"

We ask open-ended questions (i.e., something we often fail to do) and receive answers with an open mind!

We discern mixed or unspoken messages by tuning into non-verbal cues such as anxious facial expressions, slumped posture, or shifting eye contact or by asking more clarifying questions before jumping to conclusions.

We extend ample air space by refraining from interrupting the other person – common sense that is not so commonly practised. For example, an effective technique here is to list your thoughts or questions on paper when speaking with someone or in a group meeting. This not only inhibits rude interruptions by you but also helps you evaluate the importance and sincerity of your response or follow-up questions. (Doing so also serves to remind us--when in doubt, leave it out--in other words, it is perhaps better left unsaid.)

We practise RASA (Treasure, 2011), a Sanskrit word meaning 'essence' that aptly serves as an acronym for active listening:

• R – we?Receive?information without interrupting.
• A – we convey our?Appreciation?toward the speaker through attentive body language.
• S – we?Summarize?the other person's key points.
• A – we?Ask clarifying?questions to check for understanding.

In summary, active listening is a skill that does not come naturally to many. It requires deliberate and continued attention and skill-building. The best place to start, perhaps as previously suggested, is to print this newsletter or copy these tips to a file for periodic review and assessment. And remember, if ever in doubt, simply ask others, "Am I a good listener? Do you feel heard by me? If not, how might I improve upon my listening skills?

I will leave you with this final thought by Rachel Remen:

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.”

WWCOE Announcements and Upcoming Programs

Announcing our next?Executive Wellness Leadership Program!

The?Workplace Wellness Centre of Excellence?is excited to be launching the next offering of its?Executive Wellness Leadership Program ?(EWLP) this fall, beginning on Sept. 26/22.

In this nine-week, highly interactive, skill-building program, 10 selected?Workplace Wellness and HR professionals?(i.e., currently employed in internal full-time roles within organizations) will acquire advanced/progressive skills and toolkits for fostering healthy, vibrant and thriving work cultures.

EWLP graduates have benefitted from career advancements in HR and Workplace Wellness and have become valued 'strategic business partners' to their senior leadership.

Graduates also benefit from post-program support and networking opportunities through our Executive Wellness VIP Mastermind?group.

***We have also added two new Early Bird bonus offerings--career game-changers for the 10 chosen participants who register early-- more details will be shared in the coming weeks.***

Check out our EWLP program page?here ?and?sign up for our waitlist?to be notified of?Discovery Consults to be considered for one of?10 spaces?in the program.

Book Update!?Our book is in the final production stages, and we are most excited about its launch this September. Visit our website to sign up for our?Book Registry ?to receive book release notifications and special promotional offers!

Sign up for our CVW newsletter.?If you have not already, subscribe to this CVW newsletter ?to receive future issues in your inbox and notifications of our?soon-to-be-launched podcast,?Cultivating Healthy & Vibrant Workplaces.?Our?kickoff episode in August will feature Part 1 of a three-part discussion between Philippa Dawood, of Scarborough Health Network, Jesse Gavin of Baylor College of Medicine, and Ryan Wolf, of Gallup, Workplace Wellness leaders who are blazing trails with their respective organizations.

Sources:

Covey, S. (1990). The seven habits of highly effective people. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.

Developing powerful listening skills through effective exercises. Retrieved January 22, 2014, from https://www.cpai.com/business-insurance/employmentliability/.

Lee, D. and Hatesohl, D. (n.d.). Listening: your most used communication skill. The University of Missouri Extension. Retrieved January 22, 2014, from https://414.toastmastersclubs.org/ListeningSkill.html.

Rachel Remen. Listening skills (n.d.). Retrieved January 22, 2014, from https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-skills.html.

Tingum, J. (n.d.). Why is listening important in a business organization? Demand Media. Retrieved January 22, 2014, from https://smallbusiness.chron.com/listening-important-business-organisation-24040.html.

Treasure, J. (2011, July). Julian Treasure: 5 ways to listen better. Retrieved January 22, 2014, from?https://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better.html.