Perfect Parenting Does Not Exist

The importance of getting parenting “Right,” and not letting our children down leads many parents to aim for perfection. When kids misbehave or have big emotions, parents may feel blame or shame, pushing some to strive even harder for perfection.

There are no perfect parents.

So where does this struggle for perfectionism originate? Brené Brown says,

“Perfectionism is the belief that if we act, look and live “Perfect,” we can minimize the pain of judgment, blame and shame. Perfectionism is an unattainable goal which is more about how others see us. Since we cannot control their perception, we cannot achieve perfection.”

So how do we let this struggle for perfectionism go?

Perhaps it is with a combination of realism, courage and compassion.

1. Setting realistic goals for learning and growth in our parenting can minimize the drive for perfection - the truth is, we are all just doing this for the first time and we will get it wrong much of the time.
2. Finding the courage to make mistakes, and seeing those mistakes as feedback to help us learn can help us decrease the sting of our own judgment and that from those around us.
3. Holding compassion for ourselves and for others as we struggle to support other humans in their own learning can shine warmth and love on the lonely feelings of shame: I am the only one who is not worthy. When we share our own struggles with others, they learn they are not alone.

We are all working to do the best we can. We are all finding struggles from time to time. I encourage you to find a safe person who will listen to your challenges without judgment. Parenting is hard. It is easier together.