Perfect
‘To demand perfection from someone is to crush them.’ (Joyce Huggett)
I’m a recovering perfectionist. Perhaps I’ll never fully get over it, but the first step is at least to admit it. In the olden days when we used to write things like letters, essays and reports on paper with a typewriter or pen (some of you won’t remember that far back), I can recall clearly a sense of dismay if I made a mistake at the end of a sheet, and ripping it up to start all over again. The thought of a crossed-out word, or Tippex, was far too painful to contemplate. Everything had to be…perfect.
This kind of perfectionist streak can be a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it can drive us to achieve dizzying heights that would otherwise seem impossible. On the other hand, it can leave us permanently frustrated, disappointed or exhausted. We may spend inordinate amounts of time and energy on tasks and relationships, where ‘good enough’ really would have been good and enough. There’s an opportunity cost too: I’m wasting resources that would be better used elsewhere.
Yet perhaps the most dangerous dynamic is if and when we begin to impose those same standards, expectations and demands on other people; irrespective of what the situation or relationship itself calls for. This is a risk of ‘red pen leadership’ – where a leader or manager (or, perhaps, parent or partner) takes issue with every slightest detail in another person’s e.g. appearance, performance or behaviour, to the point where the other person is left feeling damaged, diminished or despairing.
If you have perfectionist tendencies or are leading-coaching others who do, there are some useful insights from psychology that can help, e.g. psychodynamic: ‘What has happened to you that makes perfection feel so critical?’; Gestalt: ‘What are you not-noticing here and now?’; cognitive: ‘What assumptions are you making about who or what’s most important?’; systemic: ‘What cultural factors are driving your behaviour?’ I’m learning to breathe, pray, relax, be more pragmatic – and forgive.
Director: Mentoring Growing Leaders Training and Consulting
3 年I started learning that I can't expect perfection when I moved to a Cambodia. I still have high standards but have learned to give grace.
Sales And Marketing Strategist, Strategy Management Consultant, Mentor, Build People, Engage minds,
3 年Hi Nick.. Good read.... Its always better to be imperfect rather fake perfection. God Bless
English Communication Skills & Mindset Coach – Helping Ambitious Non-Native English-Speaking Leaders Become aMMMazing Presenters Who Confidently Connect & Inspire | Business English| Public Speaking| Neurolanguage Coach?
3 年So true Nick. I'm in the recovering perfectionist club too and as you say, awareness is key. I've come to realize that perfectionism is an umbrella thought that needs to be consistently questioned. One tool I've learned and that works for me is how to deliberately create a feeling of sufficiency to fill the gap of "not good enough", then come back to the task at hand with this new perspective. Sounds so simple but it's effective :).