The Perfect Distance
This past weekend, the world suffered a tragic loss of one of the greatest religious leaders of our time: Rabbi Lord Dr. Jonathan Sacks, former Chief Rabbi of The United Kingdom, philosopher, theologian, author, and professor.
The Prince of Wales called Sacks, "A light unto this nation;…a steadfast friend, [and] a valued adviser, [whose] guidance on any given issue has never failed to be of practical value and deeply grounded in the kind of wisdom that is increasingly hard to come by."
His impact on the world and, my life, is indelible. So, to honor his memory, I thought I would share one is his many timeless lessons about parenting and raising children…
Rabbi Lord Dr. Sacks said: “Parents must learn the art of separating from our children [to] connect. It is the carefully calibrated distance that allows us to grow as individuals and create stronger relationships together.”
What is this carefully calibrated distance Rabbi Sacks refers to?
If we leave too much space between a parent and a child, the child can feel insecure, alone, and abandoned…crushing their confidence. If we don’t leave enough space between a parent and a child, we impair the child’s sense of competence and independence…hampering their personal growth and development.
As our children grow, we become attuned to our children’s strengths and weaknesses; gifts and flaws. And as our children mature, it is up to us to constantly reassess and recalibrate the perfect distance that will keep our children connected and supported, while giving them the room to prosper. The perfect distance fosters a growth mindset; one that affords opportunities for risk-taking, overcoming failure, embracing obstacles and conquering set-backs.
When we find the perfect balance, we can achieve a true connectedness with our children; one when they are loved, supported and nurtured, AND given the space and opportunity to follow THEIR individual processes and path.
Have you lost a leader or mentor? What is the greatest advice you took away from their legacy?