Perception Versus Reality: Managing How Others Perceive You

Disclaimer: This article was originally published on Forbes. You can read the original article here .

Have you ever heard yourself on a recording and thought: "Is that how I really sound?"

The moment you see yourself through the eyes and ears of your listeners, insecurity kicks in and vulnerability takes over. You realize that the way you thought you came across does not match reality.

How Do Others Perceive You?

So often, our beliefs about ourselves do not match others' perceptions of us. We may believe we sound confident, while others think we ramble and take too long to make a point. We may believe our delivery is engaging and passionate, yet listeners are actually bored and uninterested.

How you experience a colleague shapes your opinion of who they are. Your perceptions influence your willingness and desire to work with them. Without even knowing, they’ve created a personal brand that affects the level of influence they have on you.

Do You Know Your Personal Brand?

We often hear the term "personal brand," but we rarely stop to consider our own. Personal brand is not only about how we communicate verbally or nonverbally; it is about how we show up to every interaction.

I recently had an executive client who expressed frustration about feedback she received from an employee survey. "Linda" wanted others to perceive her as responsive, helpful and quick to serve. As a result, she would often take her laptop to meetings to quickly respond to emails and chats. When her computer wasn’t in tow, she would use her phone to quickly respond to text messages and phone calls.

Linda was confident in her personal branding until employees said otherwise. Her team said she was routinely distracted and rarely shared her undivided attention. Employees said Linda’s behavior appeared arrogant because she seemed to value her engagements more than what her team had to say. Those whom Linda believed trusted her to be helpful, timely and responsive instead perceived her as disengaged and uncommitted.

Linda’s story is not an outlier. I regularly hear similar feedback from professionals at all levels. Their unexpected perceptions of their supervisors underscore how what we believe to be true about our brands can often be anything but.

Four Tips To Make Sure Your Self-Perception Matches Others' Reality

To build a personal brand that resonates for both you and others, consider these four tips.

1. Don’t let your feelings be your guide.

Feedback is a gift. Find someone whom you trust to share the truth about how others experience you from day to day. Invite them to provide examples and suggest ways you can improve.

Also, record yourself every day. Watching or listening to one or two minutes of playback is all it takes to spot what's working for you and what's getting in the way of how you want to be perceived.

2. Become an active listener.

A well-managed personal brand requires credibility and trust.

One way to earn this is by sharing your undivided attention in every interaction. Put down your phone and close your devices. Be deliberate with your eye contact. Look at others when they speak. Refrain from formulating a response until they finish talking. When you respond, connect with their eyes.

3. Commit to self-development.

Leaders are quick to encourage others to invest in self-development. But in my experience, they rarely practice what they preach.

So be intentional. Set aside time on your calendar to establish a weekly goal. Scan your calendar for opportunities to practice it, and make a note to focus on one skill per interaction. For example, if you often interrupt others when they speak, make a note of it on Monday. Each time you interact with someone that week, keep that goal top of mind. Make it a point to actively listen, then delay your response until after they have shared.

4. Schedule check-ins with an accountability partner.

A study published in the Association for Talent Development's Handbook of Measuring and Evaluating Training found that we are 65% more likely to achieve a goal when we enlist the help of an accountability partner. Our likelihood of success rises to 95% when we have scheduled check-ins. Consider an accountability partner like a personal trainer. You may show up to exercise at the gym on your own, but that commitment increases considerably when you hire a trainer to ensure that you do.