Perception is the Problem

Almost all problems start as perception problems.

Unless we are willing to accept the world as it is, we will continue to suffer.

Unless we are willing to accept ourselves as we are now, we cannot make any changes.

When the world is not as want it to be, we create a gap between reality and expectations. Emotions arise to fill this gap. Within these emotions are messages that can be listened to, or ignored. Many people ignore the gap by numbing or distracting themselves. But this will only create more suffering.

The easiest way to move through the gap is to be radically honest about the nature of the world. Accept it as the perfectly imperfect situation that it is.

After all, we live in a cosmos and not a chaos. Everything is already as it should be.

That does not mean we cannot change things. We are agents of change. We are part of this cosmos. Whatever we create will affect the world. Just as what is created in the world affects us.

But until we accept the world as it is, we cannot begin to make changes.

In a previous romantic relationship, the problems I had were only perceptual. I perceived one thing. She perceived something else. We never fully discussed our personal perceptions, nor did we attempt to perceive things as they were.

After the relationship ended, I created suffering for myself by ruminating about what should or could have happened. I loved her so much, and still do. After I was able to really perceive things as they were (and are now), it was still difficult to accept what happened. Our relationship ended as it should have, because that was how it was supposed to end. If I did not go through that, I would not have grown.

It was a difficult lesson that showed my need to grow. It was also a lesson in perceiving the world as it is. Accepting that this is how it is, helps me avoid creating expectations about how things should be.

The real problem I was having during and after the relationship was only perceptual.

I was confusing what I wanted to be true for what was actually true.

Only by accepting the end of the relationship as it is could I start to heal.

Only by accepting my decisions during the relationship could I start to make the changes that would help me grow.

By accepting the situation as it is, I became grateful for the time and lessons together. When we fully accept, we can become grateful for how things are. Now there are no challenging emotions preventing me from seeing that situation as it is.

This applies to work too. My work "problems" are only perceptual. They are challenges, chances to grow and evolve. But until I accept the current situation, I cannot start to grow and solve them. I have to accept where I am now, and not confuse myself with a fantasy about where I think I am.

This is hard, but necessary. How else can I figure out how to get where I want to go if I do not accept where I am now?

We cannot create our reality. We can only accept reality we help to create.

I can work for change, but I can only take responsibility for myself. I can do my best to be the change I seek to make in the world. Whatever the outcome, I have to accept it as it is. If I fail to get the desired outcome, I can re-assess myself, methods, and/or goals. Maybe try again. Maybe not.

But we have to accept the world as it is. The alternative is just pointless suffering.

Our coping mechanisms for discomfort reveal opportunities for true perception. Dissatisfaction is a message that change and growth are required, but we have to fully accept the current situation in order to change it.

What am I doing to numb myself? What am I doing to distract myself?

What is the reality that I am avoiding? And after I accept that, what is the real action I can take?

When I reflect (or ruminate) on my past, it can be uncomfortable. The pain comes from past self-expectations not matching reality. However, it all changes when I remind myself:

"Everything happened as it was supposed to happen."

All the mistakes were lessons. All the failures were chances to grow. The universe worked perfectly to deliver the right lesson at the right time. Sometimes I got stuck in a particular lesson for a longer time than I expected, but even that was as it should have been. If it was rushed, I would not have learned the lesson. I would have repeated it. I have repeated many lessons, and that is fine too. I did not learn the first time, so it was repeated until I did learn it.

Exactly as it should have been.

When I remind myself of this, I see how these expectations continue to create pain for situations that do not even exist any more. Instead of just seeing and accepting that lessons were learnt in the right amount of time.

Perfectly as it is.