PEr Chronicles: "Leadership is a relationship"

Abba-tars. Digital versions of themselves (not holograms) will appear in a new concert experience called Voyage 2022. This is one of the most anticipated comebacks in pop culture:?the return of Abba. Bjorn Ulvaeus commented, "No imagination could dream up that, to release an album after 40 years and still be the best of friends, and still be enjoying each other's company, and have a total loyalty”

Research suggests that workplace friendships yield more productive employees. What happens when there’s a lack of friendships in the workplace? If you’ve ever worked with a difficult colleague, you’ve probably experienced it firsthand. The mild version involves the occasional miscommunication. More acute cases are rife with unresolved tension, breakdowns in collaboration, and eventually full-on turf wars. Instead of focusing all your attention on your work, you find yourself sidetracked by interpersonal drama.

As a leader, what can you do to promote new employee connections and help sustain old ones? The recipe of friendship is simple. Proximity, familiarity, similarity and self disclosure all play a role.

Managerial myth says leaders shouldn’t get too close to their colleagues. Well, set this myth aside. People are more willing to follow someone they like and trust. To become fully trusted, you have to ante up first by being open yourself – open to others and open with others. I don’t mean tabloid-style disclosures. I mean talking about your aspirations, your family and friends, your interests – the same things you’d like to know about other people.

More than two decades of leadership later, I’m amazed at the number of senior leaders who don’t routinely interact with employees. Indeed, once they are ensconced in the executive offices for the day, they seldom venture out amidst the troops. Simply stated, I’ve observed that few leaders spend sufficient time with their people. They don’t know anything about the people they lead and vice versa.

I’m not saying you need to know every employee by name. I am suggesting, however, that you need to make an effort to get to know something about the employees with whom you are in regular contact. Otherwise, your employees are not going to open up to a mysterious stranger, and sadly, that’s all many leaders are to the very people who watch over them every day.

Leadership is not a position. When you hear the word “leader” what comes immediately to mind?

Maybe you think of someone with a title such as CEO, president, prime minister. Maybe you think of someone from the history books who led a revolution, conquest or world-changing movement. It’s rather common to see these kinds of responses.?It’s not that these individuals aren’t leaders. They are. It’s just that they are not the only leaders on the planet. Leaders are not just found at the top or organizations. You could have a title like manager, director or vice president. You could have people report to you directly, but these would not necessarily make you a leader. Titles are granted, but being a leader is something that you earn, and you earn it not by your place in the organization but by how you behave. And through your behaviour, you earn recognition as a leader in the eyes of those around you, and in the relationships you have with them. You don’t have to be at the top to lead; you can lead from any position or place.

So let’s get something straight right from the start. When you look up the word “leadership” in the dictionary it does not start with an uppercase L and literally derive from the word meaning “to go” or “to guide”. That’s what leadership is all about: going places and guiding others.

Many people cannot stop long enough to listen – especially when they become successful and all the people around them are pretending to hang on to their every word. They launch into monologues as if suddenly they know everything. Putting these megalomaniacs to one side, it always pays to listen to others. It’s like enrolling into a continuous free education, with the added benefit that there are no examinations and you can always discard useless comments. Advice often comes when you least expect it, and listening, which costs nothing, is one of the most valuable things you can do.

Do you treat your internal customers (your employees) with as much respect as your external customers?

Put yourself in the shoes of each person you lead. The next time you are with an employee, ask this question, “what’s your biggest painpoint?” Show concern for others. When others know you will put their interests ahead of your own, they won’t hesitate to trust you. However, this is something people need to see in your actions – actions such as listening, paying attention to their ideas and concerns, helping them solve their problems and being open to their influence

Researchers have documented the power of language in shaping thoughts and actions, so you need to be mindful of the words you choose. “Watch your language” takes on an entirely new meaning from the times your teacher scolded you in school for using an inappropriate word. Words send signals. Is this an “argument” or a “disagreement”? What can you do to be more conscious about the words you use, because words matter?

A relationship between people characterized by fear and distrust will never produce anything of lasting value. A relationship characterized by mutual respect and confidence will overcome the greatest adversities and leave a legacy of significance.

It is paradoxical, but the most effective leaders are those who give their power away to others. That is, they make those around them feel strong and capable. They listen to and credit others’ ideas. They enhance the competence and self-confidence of those around them. Feeling appreciated by others increases a person’s sense of self-worth, which in turn, precipitates success at work and home. If you have someone in your life who believes in you, and who continually reinforces that belief through his or her interactions with you, you are strongly influenced by that support. You can have the same impact on those you interact with.?