PEr Chronicles: How to make this new year a new beginning

Why is 2024 such an important year?

2024 will set a record for the greatest number of people living in countries that will hold nationwide elections: at least 64 countries with more than half the world's population—over four billion people. Taiwan kicked off mega-election year recently and will be joined by the UK, USA, India, Indonesia, South Korea, South Africa and Russia to name a few. The outcomes could be changing political landscapes and leadership transitions.

Things change and come to an end. Life can change like that!

Whatever you experience, it will at some time cease to exist. This includes everything that’s precious to us; our relationships, our partners and children, our work, our health, everything changes and comes to an end. A fact that is difficult to accept. The tragedy is that resistance is futile, but nonetheless we so desperately want to hold on to these things. Clinging to what once was is understandable, but the fact is that we have no other option than to let go. What’s past is past and will never return.

Believing that we can prevent change and loss, is building an illusion founded on quicksand. Accepting the impermanence of life is not limiting; it is liberating.

One of the hardest truth to accept is that there’s always a risk that people will be disloyal to us. That they will say one thing and do another. With some people, we’re not surprised, but what if it’s your nearest and dearest?

We waste an enormous amount of energy trying to change these big unchangeables.

“My father never paid me compliments.”

OK. That’s terrible. And it hurt. But it’s in the past. You’ve made it in life just fine. You’re a big boy of 61 now.

“My employees don’t respect me.”

And you still have employees? With that type of attitude? That’s amazing!

Complaining about things that you can’t change is understandable, but before long, it turns into whining. Acceptance, by contrast, brings peace of mind.

The only thing is – and there’s a big misunderstanding here – accepting reality is not the same thing as resigning yourself to it. Imagine you have a partner with a drinking problem. You’re tried everything you can think of to get him to stop drinking. Finally you realise you just have to accept the reality: “He has a drinking problem, and he may always drink.” At that point, you have two options: either to stay with him and accept the pain that goes with that, or decide to pack your bags and leave him.

This is the moment when I hope the penny will drop.

The challenge is to learn to tell the difference between what we can and can’t influence.? Only when we stop clinging compulsively to what “should be”, and then look at what is really there, can we open ourselves to what could be.