People Who Need People
‘People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”
I’d like to take exception to this Barbra Streisand hit and suggest the exact opposite. That people who need people could be amongst the unhappiest people in the world. Let’s see this for what it is.
A need is a ‘must have’, something we simply cannot survive without.? Food, water, shelter. We may also say we need to love and be loved, to find meaning in our lives, and yet we can survive without this. Following Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, they add greatly to our lives, but aren’t necessary for survival. And certainly how we meet those needs makes a big difference.
People who need people strongly feel the need we all have for love and approval.? It’s tied to our sense of self worth. If we don’t have that love and affection, somehow we feel? ‘less than’ as a human being.? Incomplete. This attitude is so prevalent in our culture, I’d go so far as to call it a belief.? I guess the question to ask is.
Does this belief serve us or do us more harm than good?
If you feel you must have the affection, support and approval of others, then for you this becomes a matter of survival. You must find it and have it whatever the cost.? What happens? You agree with anyone and everyone,? unable to say no or set healthy boundaries for fear of not being loved or approved of.? You let other people take precedence over you. Their growth and development is more important than your own. You fail to grow and your own potential shrivels as you seek the approval of others.
Your mood becomes dependent on the behaviour of others. When you get the approval you seek, you’re happy; elated. When you don’t your mood can quickly swing to teary disappointment. Crucially, you’ve given away your power to others. They can and do push your buttons and you seem powerless to do anything about it.? Interestingly others pick up on that dependency either consciously or unconsciously, and exploit it. They are in control; not? you.
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Hardly a happy scenario for people who need people.?
That’s the needy way that leads to dependency. Is there a healthy way to love and be loved??
Just as there is a healthy way to meet all our needs, there is a healthy way to love and be loved. The first step is to let go of this belief so many of us have that who we are — our self worth — is at stake if we don’t have the approval of others. That means developing a healthy sense of self that is independent of the opinions of others. When you’re whole and complete in yourself, there’s no fear of disapproval. You can focus on what you’re doing, not how well you’re doing it. You can then enjoy and share your affection with others, no need to demand it of them.
Or in this photo, simply go with the flow when a stranger shows up in the middle of a photo shoot on a call to his mate, and brings the precious gift of laughter to the moment.? People enjoying people.
Almira
P.S. Whenever you’re ready, here are a couple of ways in which we can help you step up into a position where you are rewarded financially, intellectually, emotionally, and recognised and respected for the unique contribution you make.