People Who Love Us Hurt Us the Most

Like me, don’t you wonder why love hurts when you’re in a relationship?

When?it happens, you undergo a strange emotional commotion.

Why does the drift in love between two people cause pain?

Why does love hurt so much that it nearly breaks us?

The ones that can hurt you the most are the ones that you really love ….

Why is it that the ones you love the most hurt you the most?

Is it because love is blind?

Or is it because we just don’t want to look at those old patterns and behaviors that allow for the hurting to take place?

Love all by itself is simple — its people and circumstances that make it complicated. Falling in love means you’re opening yourself up to someone and letting yourself be vulnerable, and that inevitably leaves you open to possible heartbreak.

Even if someone promises they’ll never hurt you, and does everything they can to avoid it, you just never know. Loving someone requires a lot of faith and when that faith is shaken it can be a hard thing to bounce back from.

Falling in love means you’re putting your heart in someone else’s hands and giving them the opportunity to hurt you. If you never let yourself be vulnerable, you’d never get hurt. But you’d also never really fall in love either.

How many times have I fallen in the last couple of years?

How many times have I failed to be strong, faithful, and confident?

A million times, or maybe more…

Why?

As someone who has dealt with trauma, drama, pain and suffering from the moment she was born I had to learn to adapt and cope with the madness that surrounded me in a way that would keep me from ending up in a mental institution.

And I did.?

I learned how to be strong, happy, and confident t in the face of the many crazy people, places, and experiences present in my life.

Not only that. But I also got really good at it.?

I would fall. Then get back up. Then I would fall again. And come back up…

On and on I went until I couldn’t do it anymore.

Disclaimer:?The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate.

Thank you?….?“Love hurts” is such a popular belief, while simultaneously love is the absolute emotion of connectedness and union. Everyone wants to be loved, but can we actually handle love? Can it even exist without pain?

If someone we love gets hurt or feels upset, our natural response is to comfort them and provide them with the essential care they need to make sure everything is alright again. But what about when we are the ones that are susceptible for their pain...?

Somehow it is in the closest and most intimate relationships with lovers, family members and close friends that the most pain is inflicted on both sides.

Our topic today is the big question: why do we hurt the ones we love the most?

This is a fact, and a frequent research objective. It is actually confirmed that we are more likely to be aggressive to the ones we know better and love the most.

Direct aggression is mostly exerted towards significant others and siblings, while close friends are most likely to be targets of no direct aggression, either indirect (i.e., hurting someone through something or someone else, such as spreading rumors, destroying property, gossiping etc.) or passive (i.e., ignoring, withdrawal, stonewalling, silent treatment etc.).

Regardless of whether it is direct or indirect aggression, the fact is that we all hurt the ones we love the most, be it intentionally or unintentionally.

Do you want to add a word or two?

We hurt others in order to hurt ourselves.

When we hurt one who is close to us, ultimately, we hurt ourselves- because guilt, regret and shame can torment us long after the hurt is done.

But why would we do this?

This tendency is founded on core beliefs of inadequacy. When you believe you are actually unworthy of love, undeserving to be happy, unlovable, or that you are bound to ruin anything that is good for you, it is likely you will end up acting in ways to confirm these core beliefs- that you can’t really be happy or don’t deserve love.

This process is not conscious, but it can be once you realize that this is the deep reason you are acting like this.

Your comments.....

So, you hurt the other in order to sabotage yourself and your happiness, or because you need to punish yourself. In such a case, you are likely self-destructive in more areas of your life and not just your relationships.

If you think your hurting acts towards loved ones is actually self-sabotage or self-punishment, when we hurt one who is close to us, ultimately, we hurt ourselves- because guilt, regret and shame can torment us long after the hurt is done.

But why would we do this?

This tendency is founded on core beliefs of inadequacy. When you believe you are actually unworthy of love, undeserving to be happy, unlovable, or that you are bound to ruin anything that is good for you, it is likely you will end up acting in ways to confirm these core beliefs- that you can’t really be happy or don’t deserve love.

This process is not conscious, but it can be once you realize that this is the deep reason you are acting like this.

The same applies for any close relationship but may be more intense between family members and romantic partners. Friends may be a bit more conscious about inhibitions and limits in the way they speak and act to each other, though the more trust and closeness in a friendship, inevitably the more authentic the expression too.

Isn’t that the essence of love and trust after all, the ability to be yourself and know that you will be accepted for who you are, anyway?

However, this lack of inhibitions and boundaries makes it easier to unintentionally hurt the other person. Maybe an innocent, spontaneous comment can be perceived as hurtful or offensive, or a joke sounds a bit too sharp or inconsiderate to your partner.

Or you feel so safe with your partner that you allow yourself to break down in tears in front of them, and subsequently need their comfort and assistance in order to recover- but you don't realize this can have a negative impact on them too.

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