People

Years ago I was in a coaching session and a buddy of mine introduced me to four types of people: arrogant, aggressive, passive, and assertive. We were part of an executive team that had invested in building culture and looking after the people in the company. We were truly trying to make a difference. We were hiring and wanted to protect the firm from poor hires. We were also revisiting those in the firm that tended to be the crabs in the bucket constantly pulling people down.

Four Types of People:

1) Arrogant executives do not tend to last long. They are defined by a lose-lose relationship, meaning they lose personally and others tend to lose too. They do not see it in themselves but it is super clear to all around. They do not treat others very well and they do not do things that help them personally. They tend to create super toxic environments and other executives and shareholders tend to weed them out fast.?

2) Aggressive executives are quite common. They even see massive success but they are often miserable and alone. They will do anything to get ahead. They are defined by a win-lose relationship, meaning they win personally often at the expense of others. They tend to have a scarcity mindset. Your win is my loss. My win is your loss. Their organizations are defined by huge turnover. The wake they leave behind them is often horrific and it is usually the ones they love most that get hurt the most.

3) Passive individuals are defined by a lose-win, “I stink you are great”, relationship. They go beyond self deprecation and demonstrate a total lack of self confidence. They struggle with self love. Their self talk adds to all the other voices that tell them they are not good enough. Studies have shown that this is by far the largest camp. This plague of thought is present with the perfectionist that is never good enough.

The great news is that each of the aforementioned personality paths can be remapped. Nothing is set in stone! We can learn, relearn and unlearn. These above traits are typically the path of least resistance. If left to our own devices we will land ourselves in one of these camps. With hard work and deliberate effort we can choose a different path. Being assertive.

4) Assertive individuals are defined by a win-win, meaning I win and others win, relationship. They have abandoned the scarcity mindset and embrace an abundance mentality. They say please and thank you. They are confident and humble. They treat employees as their greatest investment. Choosing to be assertive takes work, takes persistence. Mastery may never be achieved yet the deliberate efforts are noticed and rewarded. Employee churn is stemmed, work friendships last a lifetime. They gain joy in competing with their best self, going from benchmark to benchmark, frequently setting new personal bests. They build people up rather than tear people down. People tend to live happier, healthier lives when they embrace an assertive, win-win mentality.

Some things that I have noticed assertive people do:

Gratitude: Those in the assertive camp tend to be more grateful, they love continuous improvement. A lady executive I know and respect kept a gratitude journal for a year, never missing a day. The transformation I saw in her was truly inspiring.?

Solution-driven: Assertive people are solution-driven. They take time to identify the problem and make the shift into finding a solution. They take responsibility and love accountability. When we do not train our children, our people, to find solutions we do them a huge disservice. My father would always say “Shayne you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Which are you?” He would not let me identify a problem without finding a solution. Looking back, my solutions were not always that great, but the fact that I had taken the steps to consider a solution was always rewarded. A problem without seeking a solution tends to drive people towards blaming and complaining.?Anyone can be a Monday-morning quarterback.

3:1 Evaluation: Assertive people choose to invest in themselves through frequent self evaluation. Craig Manning follows a 3:1 daily self evaluation, three things that went well and one thing I will do differently.?

Purpose-driven: Assertive people are purpose-driven. They have taken the time to uncover their why. They have put in the heavy lifting of uncovering what they value most. They put in milestones to reach their ideal state. They plan and execute their plan. They continue to improve upon their plans and objectives. Being purpose-driven adds to their self confidence and positive self talk. Being purpose-driven helps filter out those things that do not matter most, leaving us to engage more meaningful, more impactful pursuits.?

I am grateful to the assertive people in my life. I am grateful for those who do not take the path of least resistance but work at it day in and day out. Thank you for your examples.